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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Gift for having for Shabbos meal



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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:15 am
What do you bring your hosts when invited out for a Shabbos meal? Thanx!
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:23 am
A bottle of wine
chocolate
a game for their kids
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:26 am
Wine, nothing, or dessert.
Used to do nosh for kids but then stopped.
Or I ask in advance what I can bring.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:29 am
Best is, if I coordinate with them, and bring salad, fruit, or dessert. Those have less of a "go with the meal" need to match and relieve a huge burden from the hostess. When I have company, the hardest part is making the salad and cutting fruit as it can't be done far in advance. Baking and not needing to worry about dessert and having flour all over my kitchen is also very helpful.

If I have not coordinated one of those in advance, I do not bring food. Once I had company and nobody offered dessert, so I made brownies. Both other guests showed up with brownie as well. I was appreciative of them, but would have loved to know as theme I would have made something else or had a few minutes for myself to do my nails before Shabbos.

Other ideas I like is a pretty serving utensil before Shabbos. I tovel it before I give it so that the hostess can use it rather than just having more work to do. My current new favorite is ice-tongs. I use them for string beans and the like.

Candy or wine is also works. They are perfect last minute, and can be brought over on Shabbos (per my Rav-not paskening) unlike the serving peice, and are always appreciated.
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polka dots




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:31 am
Nothing. It’s not a given that guest will bring something.

If you want a chocolate or wine is nice.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:46 am
polka dots wrote:
Nothing. It’s not a given that guest will bring something.

If you want a chocolate or wine is nice.

100% disagree.
It is a ton of work to have company and rude to show up empty handed.

The only exception is if it is your best friend and you go back and forth ever week and that is what you guys do. But then I would think you would definitely bring food to lessen the cooks burden.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:55 am
I totally can't relate, it's not the norm in my circles to bring anything at all. The fact that we don't have an eruv may help Smile. What's normal is to offer to cook something for Yom Tov and to show up a little early to help cut salads and set the table. Otherwise, no one is expected to bring anything.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:58 am
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
100% disagree.
It is a ton of work to have company and rude to show up empty handed.

The only exception is if it is your best friend and you go back and forth ever week and that is what you guys do. But then I would think you would definitely bring food to lessen the cooks burden.


I really don’t like when ppl bring me something.

I feel bad. I want to host them and it makes me uncomfortable they fell the need to bring something. I normally tell first time guests who bring something not to again. The gift goes on every meal. And I mean it.

That being said - we have an older relative come every so often and they always brung a kids book. It’s a great gift.
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polka dots




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 7:59 am
It greatly depends who you are going to and what relationship is.

If I’d go to a sister I would try to be helpful over proper. I’d do eggs or fish for shabbos.

If I’d go for some reason to a family I don’t know I would never show up empty handed.

But I have some guest coming over pretty often and we know each other’s well I totally dont expect them to bring something.
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Moonlight




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 8:03 am
So I am eating out this week and asked what I can bring, host said nothing, just yourselves. Do I show up empty handed and respect that or they were being polite and I should bring wine or candy dish?
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 8:10 am
Moonlight wrote:
So I am eating out this week and asked what I can bring, host said nothing, just yourselves. Do I show up empty handed and respect that or they were being polite and I should bring wine or candy dish?


Just yourself is totally fine.
If you want to bring something you can but it isn't necessary. I have guest all the time and never expect anything.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 8:10 am
Moonlight wrote:
So I am eating out this week and asked what I can bring, host said nothing, just yourselves. Do I show up empty handed and respect that or they were being polite and I should bring wine or candy dish?


Wine or candy
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 8:12 am
I am wondering if the differences in responses are different personalities or differences in community norms.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 11:09 am
flowers, nosh, toy (not nosy), wine if they are drinkers
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 12:19 pm
Where I live, the norm is to bring a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates. Depending on the situation, sometimes I arrange to contribute to the meal. When I lived in Brooklyn and there was no eiruv, people sometimes brought over flowers before shabbos. It's impossible to know what everyone will appreciate, but it's the thought that counts. I never get annoyed by a gift, even if it's something I would prefer not to have at home (for example when people bring candy platters). I just appreciate the gesture and make sure it's served when they come.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 15 2019, 1:47 pm
If it's a sibling I offer to bring a salad which I know they'd appreciate otherwise nothing or else they get offended that I feel I have to gift them with chocolates or wine. Very Happy
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 16 2019, 6:05 pm
I wouldn't show up enjoy handed. I appreciate when someone brings me something, but don't notice if they didn't. Usually, whatever it is gets put somewhere, and the kids may mention it later or I will notice it and ask.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Sat, Nov 16 2019, 6:25 pm
In my circles(BP) people tend to get uncomfortable you brought something. Also never know who does/doesn't hold of the eruv so I'll bring to YT make on occasion but no one expects on shabbos. OOT I know people always bring wine or dessert.
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erm




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 16 2019, 7:16 pm
I usually bring over a cake or pie before shabbos.
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