Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Re: WWYD: 12dd with Attachment Issues



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 5:08 am
She is negligent with her property. Broke a pair of expensive eye glasses because didnt follow the rules of proper handling. Would you have her pay (partially or for the entire purchase) for a replacement pair with her money? Would you get a less expensive (not "in") pair? But then making her feel not "with it" during already a very self conscious time in her life? I'm truly at a loss, especially because I'm emotionally exhausted with dealing with her emotional healing and well being for the past 6 years. I would love gentle input, especially if you are familiar with Attachment Disorder. Thanks.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 6:02 am
Pay for replacement for sure, on her money or future money
I wouldn't make her get something ugly, but yes, she has to feel the thing
Back to top

watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 6:29 am
Order a new pair from zenny or warby parker. Or, see if you have a warby parker store where you live and go there. Their glasses are all very stylish and only $100 for a complete pair.

Ask her therapist if she should pay for them.
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 6:41 am
Details, please.

How severe is the attachment disorder? How have you been doing with changing lifestyle since the diagnosis? Are you able to stay calm when she falls apart? Set clear boundaries, which can help her feel secure, while still expressing your love?

How did the glasses break? What was she doing negligently? How long has she had glasses? We're they expensive because of her prescription, or because of her whim? Are your expectations in line with what can be expected for her age?

In other words, if she was playing catch with $5000 frames that she cajoled you into paying for because anything less expensive would make her seen as a chesed case, she's more at fault than if she fell asleep before putting her glasses in their case one night, and they slipped off her bed, or if they fell off her nose at recess.

Keep in mind that, just as she has to be careful with eyewear, you, as a parent dealing with a DD with attachment disorder, also need to be careful. Your "eyewear" to treat with care, is your ability to remain loving, connected, and calm, no matter what.

And just as you might make a mistake, and want her to be flexible and forgiving when that happens, so, too, you can be flexible and forgiving of her mistakes, while still enforcing reasonable rules.

There are so many inexpensive styles of eyewear available, and it's very hard to tell designer frames from a cheaper alternative, that you really should be able to do a bit of both your choices -- she pays, and/or the replacement is less pricey.

Sit her down, tell her that you love her and you're so relieved that it was only the glasses that broke, and that she is unhurt. The twofold message is that things happen, and you understand that; and that sadly, you are not a billionaire and are still paying off the first pair, so she can choose something reasonable to her in style, as long as it is also reasonable to you in price.

Consider an online eyewear place like goggles4u for a replacement; we find it's way cheaper than a brick and mortar store. Set a price limit, and let her either choose something within that limit, or pay the extra herself. Consider whether she might need help to prevent a similar mishap. An extra case to keep in the bathroom, to put them in before a shower. A strap to keep them on during athletics.

Possibly discuss with her the possibility of getting contact lenses in a few years, and needing to save money for that.

Hatzlacha! Let us know how it goes!
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 7:58 am
I really don't have an intelligent answer, especially because I know first hand how difficult attachment issues can be.

I find it so so so hard and I keep second guessing myself because my parenting instincts are so off with this child.

Sending you hugs and chizzuk
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 6:19 pm
Thank you for great suggestions.
Back to top

SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 6:37 pm
I love everyone's ideas except for purchasing glasses online.

About 1/2 of all glasses purchased online have the wrong prescription to start with.

Add to that the fact that you need to measure the distance between their pupils, which isn't so easy to do, and if its inaccurate, its going to be problematic.
Back to top

amother
Royalblue


 

Post Mon, Nov 18 2019, 8:30 pm
Forgive me because I'm having trouble connecting the dots.
What does breaking her glasses have to do with having an attachment disorder?
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:44 pm
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
Forgive me because I'm having trouble connecting the dots.
What does breaking her glasses have to do with having an attachment disorder?


No problem. One of the symptoms of an AD is negligence and excessive destruction of possessions.
Back to top

amother
Royalblue


 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 10:17 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
No problem. One of the symptoms of an AD is negligence and excessive destruction of possessions.

I never knew that. Thank you.
Best of luck with your daughter 🧡. Keep us posted.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Samvix camera issues
by amother
0 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 7:01 pm View last post
What has helped your child with emotional regulation issues?
by amother
33 Thu, Feb 29 2024, 1:26 pm View last post
Alternative Drs who have success with many health issues
by amother
8 Wed, Feb 21 2024, 2:55 pm View last post
Pls help me get the to the bottom of my daughter's issues
by amother
46 Tue, Feb 13 2024, 7:54 pm View last post
Spectra pump issues
by amother
1 Thu, Feb 08 2024, 9:27 pm View last post