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Forum -> Working Women
Working Mom's Raise Their Kids
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 1:51 pm
I'm sorry.
I'm getting triggered from some other threads that pop up with the assumptions that a woman who works doesn't pour her heart and soul into her kids. That a working woman off loads all responsibility onto a nanny and cleaning lady.
ITS NOT TRUE.
I'm not knocking SAHM. If you can make it work, kol hakovod.
But I work. 9:30-3:30.
I was up at 6. Put up supper in the crock pot. Did 3 loads of laundry. Got 5 kids dressed, packed up, on busses and to playgroups.
Then I went to work.
During my 20 minutes sandwich break, I Scheduled 2 dentist appointments, spoke to a therapist and Rebbi.
After work, I have 2 pick up 2 kids from school, run with them to the grocery, run home in time to meet my older kids busses.
Then comes supper, homework, baths, bed, cleanup, folding all the laundry I did this morning, spend time with kids, more homework.
Today is an easier day.
Thursday I do all my cooking for Shabbos.
Sundays, I'd love to fill my freezer, but I also have all errands, appointments. (I choose Dr, dentist, eye Dr, therapists who have Sun appointments.)

So yeah. I just do much the same is shorter time.

I don't know what I want.
Maybe a vent. Maybe just to be acknowledged.
I think I'm just tired of hearing IRL and here how much easier I have it because the nanny and housekeeper do everything. Hint. They do because I am they.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 1:55 pm
keym wrote:
I'm sorry.
I'm getting triggered from some other threads that pop up with the assumptions that a woman who works doesn't pour her heart and soul into her kids. That a working woman off loads all responsibility onto a nanny and cleaning lady.
ITS NOT TRUE.
I'm not knocking SAHM. If you can make it work, kol hakovod.
But I work. 9:30-3:30.
I was up at 6. Put up supper in the crock pot. Did 3 loads of laundry. Got 5 kids dressed, packed up, on busses and to playgroups.
Then I went to work.
During my 20 minutes sandwich break, I Scheduled 2 dentist appointments, spoke to a therapist and Rebbi.
After work, I have 2 pick up 2 kids from school, run with them to the grocery, run home in time to meet my older kids busses.
Then comes supper, homework, baths, bed, cleanup, folding all the laundry I did this morning, spend time with kids, more homework.
Today is an easier day.
Thursday I do all my cooking for Shabbos.
Sundays, I'd love to fill my freezer, but I also have all errands, appointments. (I choose Dr, dentist, eye Dr, therapists who have Sun appointments.)

So yeah. I just do much the same is shorter time.

I don't know what I want.
Maybe a vent. Maybe just to be acknowledged.
I think I'm just tired of hearing IRL and here how much easier I have it because the nanny and housekeeper do everything. Hint. They do because I am they.


đź’Ż
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shmosmom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 1:56 pm
AMEN! SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!
Kudos to everyone managing balancing a career and the #momlife.


I do have a lot of respect for some SAHM moms tho.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 1:57 pm
Yes. Yay for super moms.
Who do everything a SAHM does. Plus+. In just shorter amounts of time.

(I’m not knocking SAHM. You just can’t argue with facts)
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amother
Puce


 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 1:58 pm
I grew up as a latchkey kid. My mother didn't do all the things you mentioned, but she did work hard.

I get all annoyed at the holier than thou posts about how kids need to walk through the door and see a mother's smile and a dinner waiting on the table to know they are loved. I felt loved. I always felt loved. My mom came home at 6 not because she wanted to, but because she had to, and I grew up with my mother proudly proclaiming all the time how they could pay full tuition. It was her major source of pride, and I knew the price of that pride, and I also knew what she valued. Us.
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amother
Jade


 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:00 pm
You're right, but truth is everyone has it hard in some way, work at home moms, stay at home moms, part-time work moms, full-time work moms... We all make different choices based on our situations, personalities, etc, but I think everyone has challenges and we all try the best we can.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:00 pm
I don't look at it as one way or the other. There are working moms that give their children their all and there is the opposite. There are sahms that give their all for their kids and some that don't. I really think it's individual, not about working out of the home or not.
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chanatron1000




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:01 pm
It's not a competition.
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:04 pm
Amen! Up early prepping for the family, checking in on them as often as possible, coming home making dinner, cleaning up, waking up several times a night between all the kids. I've been a wahm and am now a wohm, I have always been and always will be a mother to my children, in every sense of the word.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:12 pm
Agreed. Not a competition at all.
I'd like to change the terminology.
The other day someone said to me "oh you're a part time mother."
A devoted mother is a ft mother whether she works out of the house, in the house or anywhere else.
A less devoted mother can be called a PT mother, regardless if she works or not.
If you want to be a SAHM and you can, good. Just say you're doing it because it's good for you. Don't put me down in the process.

And thanks for the hugs, whoever is hugging me.
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chipmunks




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:20 pm
keym wrote:
Agreed. Not a competition at all.
I'd like to change the terminology.
The other day someone said to me "oh you're a part time mother."
A devoted mother is a ft mother whether she works out of the house, in the house or anywhere else.
A less devoted mother can be called a PT mother, regardless if she works or not.
If you want to be a SAHM and you can, good. Just say you're doing it because it's good for you. Don't put me down in the process.

And thanks for the hugs, whoever is hugging me.


Ew. "you're a part time mother" belongs on the verbal diarrhea thread.

And I also wish we could all just admit that we're either doing what's best for us and our families, or wish we could and have to adjust for individual circumstances. Which is sort of the same thing. We all deserve hugs. Hug Hug
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:25 pm
sky wrote:
Yes. Yay for super moms.
Who do everything a SAHM does. Plus+. In just shorter amounts of time.

(I’m not knocking SAHM. You just can’t argue with facts)

So what are you imagining SAHMs doing, doing the work 3x slower just to have something to do? Finishing early and staring at the wall?

I work, and I really, but really, don't understand the insistence on saying that working moms do everything SAHMs do. Of course I don't do all of the things a SAHM does. I don't have the magic ability to make more hours in the day. The hours that I spend at work are hours not spent at home. The things I would have done during that time (whether that's cleaning the house, or making a nutritious lunch, or volunteering in the neighborhood, or whatever else) either don't get done, or are done by someone else.

If someone says working moms aren't raising their kids, or have it easy, or whatever, that's unkind and untrue and obviously I don't agree. But if someone says I don't do everything a SAHM does - well, yeah. Of course I don't.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:33 pm
Bothers me so much when I hear SAHM complain "do they think I dont do anything all day? I have to buy groceries and make supper and clean the house and make apwpointments and go to appointments, and speak to the insurance companies and pay the bills...."
Working mothers do all that. But they have to do it all after hours.
So they deserve tremendous acknowledgement. Thats just the way it is.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:33 pm
I think its great that women today have the option to work outside the house. Its also great that some women have the option to stay at home with their kids. And some women can work part time, or work at home. Different strokes for different folks.

And the same woman might make different choices at different stages of life. It may not pay to work with 3 kids under 3 but once the kids are mostly in school the calculations change.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:34 pm
amother [ Azure ] wrote:
Bothers me so much when I hear SAHM complain "do they think I dont do anything all day? I have to buy groceries and make supper and clean the house and make apwpointments and go to appointments, and speak to the insurance companies and pay the bills...."
Working mothers do all that. But they have to do it all after hours.
So they deserve tremendous acknowledgement. Thats just the way it is.


I really hope your husband helps you with some of that stuff, assuming you are working similar amounts of time.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:37 pm
While I do believe that working moms are super moms, not everyone manages though and the kids end up paying for it. 3 of my neighbors that work are almost never home on time for their kids busses and pre school kids get off the bus by themselves and wait outside till mom gets home. And they wait by themselves in the morning for the bus to come. My heart goes out to these kids.
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mum22




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:43 pm
When my daughter was in nursery they had a discussion about their parents’ professions.
My daughter said “my mum works to make money to buy us nice things!”
The teachers thought it was cute and repeated it to me.
I preserved that feeling- that I can be a work and make my kids feel it’s about them.
Because it usually is- kids are expensive blessings!
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:45 pm
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
While I do believe that working moms are super moms, not everyone manages though and the kids end up paying for it. 3 of my neighbors that work are almost never home on time for their kids busses and pre school kids get off the bus by themselves and wait outside till mom gets home. And they wait by themselves in the morning for the bus to come. My heart goes out to these kids.


That is not due to working. It's due to poor planning. My kid would have to get off the bus with no one there. So I signed him up for after school clubs, or hired a babysitter, or hired a neighbor for him to go there.
I make arrangements for all my kids up to age 10. I usually am home by the time my 11 yr old is off the bus. But if he has to let himself in occasionally, don't feel that bad. He knows I'm working to cover tuition and groceries.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:46 pm
ora_43 wrote:
So what are you imagining SAHMs doing, doing the work 3x slower just to have something to do? Finishing early and staring at the wall?

I work, and I really, but really, don't understand the insistence on saying that working moms do everything SAHMs do. Of course I don't do all of the things a SAHM does. I don't have the magic ability to make more hours in the day. The hours that I spend at work are hours not spent at home. The things I would have done during that time (whether that's cleaning the house, or making a nutritious lunch, or volunteering in the neighborhood, or whatever else) either don't get done, or are done by someone else.

If someone says working moms aren't raising their kids, or have it easy, or whatever, that's unkind and untrue and obviously I don't agree. But if someone says I don't do everything a SAHM does - well, yeah. Of course I don't.


I guess I look at that there are more hours in the day so more time to do things.
You don’t have to pack all you shopping and dr appointments into Sunday.
You don’t have to do all your cooking on Thursday night.

Don’t you have to clean your house and cook and do homework with kids? Even if you work? I mean it has to happen somehow. Even if you are working. You just have to fit in differently and in a more compact time span.

And volunteering I would look at as a job, even though unpaid.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 19 2019, 2:53 pm
sky wrote:
I guess I look at that there are more hours in the day so more time to do things.
You don’t have to pack all you shopping and dr appointments into Sunday.
You don’t have to do all your cooking on Thursday night.

Don’t you have to clean your house and cook and do homework with kids? Even if you work? I mean it has to happen somehow. Even if you are working. You just have to fit in differently and in a more compact time span.

And volunteering I would look at as a job, even though unpaid.



Yes. Thank you. You said it well.
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