What would you do in this situation?

amother

Mustard

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 12:49 pm

Punishing these kids does NOT help.

Our therapist told us, that in no situation ever to allow him to skip school (except if discussed and agreed upon the day before obviously).

Take the kids hand and silently walk him out to his car ride.

Emotionless and firm...

Easier sId than done. I know.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Dec 04 2019, 3:46 pm

OP, you son needs specialized therapy that deals with ODD, OCD, and anxious kids. Look up "school refusal". It's actually a phobia. Would you like to go to a job that has you handling spiders and snakes all day? That's what school refusal looks like to your child.

This is especially true if your child complains of vague stomach aches and headaches, and has multiple doctor visits with no real medical issues found. Anxiety does cause real physical pain.

Your child may not have the emotional language skills to tell you exactly what is bothering him so much about school. This is where the therapy comes in.

When DD refused to get dressed, I grabbed her uniform and shoes, and locked her out of the house while she was still in her pajamas. The bus came and went, and she was still out there an hour later, in her pajamas.

When DD refused to get on the bus, I literally picked her up kicking and screaming and dumped her in her seat. She didn't care if all her friends saw her.

She could turn on tears and sobs that would rip the heart out of a stone statue.

She's also super smart. She's 16 now, and has been in 10 schools already. Finally, FINALLY she is settling down enough to realize that tantrums will not get her out of school, and if she wants to graduate with her friends, she will have to get her credits caught up. She wants freedom to work, go to college, and get her own apartment, so she is motivated. Your average 8 year old is not going to think that far ahead.

Please Google school refusal. It's not chutzpah. There is a puzzle piece missing, and until you find it, your relationship with your son will be unpleasant at best. I wish you lots of luck. It's really hard! Hug

Tzippy323

Thu, Dec 05 2019, 6:10 am

When a child has to stay home from school, whether OCD, ODD, ADD, or anything other than a scheduled appointment or the night after a simcha, that’s child needs to be treated as sick. Sickness is a legitimate reason for missing school. Child must stay in bed, drink plenty of fluids, sleep a great deal, and keep quiet. No computers, tablets, or amusements he really enjoys. No sitting on the floor playing with toys, models, etc. he can read a book, or study his Chumash. He will become so bored he will be anxious to get out of the house. If he doesn’t cooperate about getting ready for his ride on time, tell him there is no time to dress, put his clothes in his knapsack, and send him out the door in his pajamas.

Hatzlocha!

amother

Beige

Thu, Dec 05 2019, 7:24 am

Maseh shehoiyu
Know older boy refused go cheider e day
It’s one of young ones in family ,so automatically mom didn’t push to go
Child was home 2 wks in row
Married older brother called during day & asked y he x wanna go
Child said “ because “
Older brother:”who’s your rebbe”
Child said name
Older brother tells mom”it was TORTURE in that clas I’m still traumatized,don’t force him to go
Mom shocked & asked y didn’t tell her
“Because thiught that’s what happens in older class & saw no one else stayed home...

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Dec 05 2019, 7:33 am

Amother beige, my little brother was home most of the year last year because my okder brothers begged my parents not to force him to go. My parents did some info on that Rabbi and got him kicked out.
When my older brother had this rebba 20 years ago, he was strict but not torturous. By now he was constantly hitting the kids to the point of black and blue marks.