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What does it cost to support your young married couple?
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amother
Brown


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:50 am
Op you should have known better than asking this on this site!
A better question would have been - how much does it cost a young couple to live in israel in blank neighborhood (machal, maalot dafnah..) per month.
Then you can do the math yourself if youre going to be the sole supporter or will your daughter work? Will her inlaws help?
I think the answer is around 3k a month...
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:52 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know many of my friends that their daughters can’t get a date because they don’t want to follow this trend


Ugh, the shidduch system really sounds like extortion at times.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:54 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Op you should have known better than asking this on this site!
A better question would have been - how much does it cost a young couple to live in israel in blank neighborhood (machal, maalot dafnah..) per month.
Then you can do the math yourself if youre going to be the sole supporter or will your daughter work? Will her inlaws help?
I think the answer is around 3k a month...
Unless rent is extremely high, that is a LOT of money for a newlywed couple to need in Israel.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:58 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Op you should have known better than asking this on this site!
A better question would have been - how much does it cost a young couple to live in israel in blank neighborhood (machal, maalot dafnah..) per month.
Then you can do the math yourself if youre going to be the sole supporter or will your daughter work? Will her inlaws help?
I think the answer is around 3k a month...

Its too late now.
I am wondering the difference of rent between Machal, Arzei and Ramat Eshkol for a decent apartment.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:58 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Well in some circles it became the norm for a guy to learn for at least a year after they get married. How are they supposed to live if the girl just got back from seminary and just turned 19?


I got married at 19....

My husband was in kollel,

And we got zero support. Actually zero.

Don't ask me how we were supposed to manage....

It was kind of crazy.

So on one hand I agree with you.

On the other hand, I would only want to support an adult child towards the goal of self sufficiency- to help get them through college or through a course or whatever, to help them become self sufficient. That's the goal. Not just for the sake of "supporting". No. That helps nobody. It's harmful, if you ask me. An adult should be working towards self sufficiency. But parents can, and should, help them get there.


Last edited by gold21 on Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:00 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:59 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Op you should have known better than asking this on this site!
A better question would have been - how much does it cost a young couple to live in israel in blank neighborhood (machal, maalot dafnah..) per month.
Then you can do the math yourself if youre going to be the sole supporter or will your daughter work? Will her inlaws help?
I think the answer is around 3k a month...

In your estimation 3k in total? Some of these couples seem to be living very large.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:02 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
In your estimation 3k in total? Some of these couples seem to be living very large.


3 k sounds right. Plus think about if your daughter will be attending college and if you'll be paying for that.

(It'll be harder for your daughter to find a job in israel, vs in America she could probably find a job to offset costs.)
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:20 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
In your estimation 3k in total? Some of these couples seem to be living very large.

They should be able to manage on 2K NIS after rent. They're not going to be eating meat every day, but they will be able to survive.
So if rent is 2.5K - they need 4.5K. If rent is 3K - they need 5K. NIS.
Again that means they may have to scrimp but they should be able to make it.

If someone is living large, that's great, but I don't see why you should have to pay for it.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:23 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Op you should have known better than asking this on this site!
A better question would have been - how much does it cost a young couple to live in israel in blank neighborhood (machal, maalot dafnah..) per month.
Then you can do the math yourself if youre going to be the sole supporter or will your daughter work? Will her inlaws help?
I think the answer is around 3k a month...

She didn't just stam ask about the cost. She mentioned the trend. The comments in this thread are on the point of the trend, not about the support itself.

There are so many pro-kollel people on this site! Learning, and learning in Israel is an amazing thing! I dont think anyone is against that. The concept of support is more controversial.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:25 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Its too late now.
I am wondering the difference of rent between Machal, Arzei and Ramat Eshkol for a decent apartment.


I would say arzei is the most expensive and ramat ehskol and machal are similar with ramat eshkol probably being a little more
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ceebee




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:25 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know many of my friends that their daughters can’t get a date because they don’t want to follow this trend


Probably because they only want learning boys. And learning boys look for $$$.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:26 am
allthingsblue wrote:
3 k sounds right. Plus think about if your daughter will be attending college and if you'll be paying for that.

(It'll be harder for your daughter to find a job in israel, vs in America she could probably find a job to offset costs.)


If someone is willing to work american hours it is not that hard to find a job. They can make about $1000 a month for 25 hours a week
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amother
Blue


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:27 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Op you should have known better than asking this on this site!
A better question would have been - how much does it cost a young couple to live in israel in blank neighborhood (machal, maalot dafnah..) per month.
Then you can do the math yourself if youre going to be the sole supporter or will your daughter work? Will her inlaws help?
I think the answer is around 3k a month...


Exactly!! I knew as soon as I saw your question that you would be made fun of on
Imamother.
Really not nice
Why is everyone so judgemental just because it’s something that they’re not used to.
If it’s right or wrong, this is how it is in a lot of communities now - and if you want your daughter to get a date there needs to be some sort of commitment on your part.
Unfortunately we will not change the ‘trend’
My sister has 4 married daughters that she helps support. And yes she runs from gemach to gemach. She said what is her alternative, to have 4 older singles sitting around her kitchen table? She bh Bh Rathers it this way.

I understand your question.
Supporting in Israel is more expensive thank supporting in town. Even if you give the same $1500 monthly, there are plane tickets for y’t, you going to visit them, after they have a baby or 2 and they come back from what I hear then it’s very expensive too because they have nothing. No furniture, car, car seats, housewares...

Hatzlocha figuring it all out!
I’m iyh getting into this very soon!
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amother
Brown


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:31 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
In your estimation 3k in total? Some of these couples seem to be living very large.


Unless their parents are extremely wealthy AND dont set boundaries (unlimited cc etc ) which is very unhealthy imo.. then they can be living large on their own dollar .. wedding money etc. Its sad because when they come back with kids they will regret living that way..
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:40 am
amother [ Blue ] wrote:

I understand your question.
Supporting in Israel is more expensive thank supporting in town. Even if you give the same $1500 monthly, there are plane tickets for y’t, you going to visit them, after they have a baby or 2 and they come back from what I hear then it’s very expensive too because they have nothing. No furniture, car, car seats, housewares...

Hatzlocha figuring it all out!
I’m iyh getting into this very soon!

We lived on maybe $1500 in Jerusalem during our shana rishona. Maybe it was $1800, I don't remember what the exchange rate was.
You can live much more cheaply in Israel than in the US, as long as you are willing to live an Israeli lifestyle and not insisting on high standards/ American lifestyle.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:41 am
gold21 wrote:
I got married at 19....

My husband was in kollel,

And we got zero support. Actually zero.

Don't ask me how we were supposed to manage....

It was kind of crazy.

So on one hand I agree with you.

On the other hand, I would only want to support an adult child towards the goal of self sufficiency- to help get them through college or through a course or whatever, to help them become self sufficient. That's the goal. Not just for the sake of "supporting". No. That helps nobody. It's harmful, if you ask me. An adult should be working towards self sufficiency. But parents can, and should, help them get there.


I am in agreement with you. I don't think $3000 a month is too much to help a young couple get on their feet and achieve self sufficiency. How does learning in kollel achieve self sufficiency?

I understand $3000 a month say to get qualified as an engineer.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:46 am
I don't get why people seem surprised here....Many quality guys will only consider a shidduch if there is girl's side commits to supporting a certain amount for an agreed upon length of time. This is news? I think half of the Lakewood boys operate this why. Why the surprise?
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amother
Blue


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:49 am
$3000 a month total sounds right plus the flying and other expense that come from living out of town.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:52 am
Well I'll just mention that DH and I would have LOVED to live in Israel for a year or two after we got married.
My parents promised to give us $1200 a month (don't ask me how they even have that!!), wherever we live, and the rest was up to us to figure out.

We really really wanted to go there, for many different reasons, but in the end it simply did not work out financially.

I have a very good job here, making a nice salary over $50K bh, and the only job options in Israel would be making less that half of that. Even if we could technically manage on that, we would not be putting away a single penny.

So instead, we live in Lakewood, where the rent is relatively cheap, and are putting away every penny of support, and then some, to be able to afford a house one day.

I don't believe that my financial future is my parents responsibility.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:58 am
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
I don't get why people seem surprised here....Many quality guys will only consider a shidduch if there is girl's side commits to supporting a certain amount for an agreed upon length of time. This is news? I think half of the Lakewood boys operate this why. Why the surprise?


Just no,
a shadchanit
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