Morning Bris ceremony and separate afternoon Seudah

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:03 pm

I am pregnant with my first and it is going to be a boy

I am thinking about doing the Bris ceremony at shul early morning (and serving light refreshments, but nothing that can be washed on) and then a private sit down fleishig seudah later in the day

I have a lot of social anxiety so I am not looking to be surrounded by a lot of people, and would really prefer a smaller crowd that I feel comfortable around. Also, my husband and I only want to serve fleishigs and are trying to keep our costs low, so this way would work out for that too

Has anyone ever done this? Any advice?

My husband is worried about it being very inconvenient for people, and is having doubts

hodeez

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:30 pm

I wouldn't do it, people don't want to come down twice for one simcha

lavenderchimes

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 6:45 pm

It's a clever idea if you want a small, private seudah, because/but depending on your location/s, people will not want to do two events in one day. It will be exhausting for you, also. You title mentions and afternoon seudah - won't everyone be at work?

mo5

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 7:03 pm

I’ve done it. Had only family for the Seuda in the evening, and in the morning just cake and coffee for whomever else I invited.
Do what suits you.

dancingqueen

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 7:20 pm

Honestly, you’ll be so busy with the baby, that you’ll barely have time to socialize except a blur of mazal tovs. And I’ve literally never heard of a bris being fleishig, in my world it’s always dairy and in the morning.

Rutabaga

Tue, Dec 10 2019, 7:28 pm

I've only heard of this being done when the bris is on a fast day. You may want to check with a rav to see if the seuda can be separated from the actual bris and if that changes anything.

What time of year will this be? If it's in the winter then in order to have the seuda on the same day as the bris it would have to start early in the evening when most people are still at work. Do the guests you want to invite back live locally? It is a major inconvenience otherwise.

B'shaa tova!

essie14

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 1:56 am

In Israel, afternoon brit milahs are totally done and they can be besari.
You can make it as small as you like. Only notify/invite the people you want to be there.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 4:22 am

essie14 wrote:

In Israel, afternoon brit milahs are totally done and they can be besari.
You can make it as small as you like. Only notify/invite the people you want to be there.

I'm in Israel and I agree with this- an afternoon bris with a fleishig seuda is totally normal. I've also been to one where the bris was in the morning and the seuda in the afternoon. But it was annoying... I am a close relative and it was during some vacation time, so we spent the day, but otherwise we wouldn't have been able to. But I don't think there was any food at the actual bris. It was just after davening. I guess that's when the mohel could make it?

So I say it's totally possible, but think about who you want to invite and what their schedules will be like. B'shaah tova!

amother

Linen

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 5:55 am

we did this it was a fast day we did bris in morning . meaty seuda at night coming twice was not an issue for most ppl as they weren't invited to the seuda . For the ppl we wanted to invite we made it rly clear that if theu can't make it to both its ok and siblings came in the evening without their kids was so nice!

shirachadasha

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 6:25 am

Can you have the bris in your house (or relative's house)? That makes it more of a "by invitation only" type of event.
I agree with the poster who said that the mom and baby are expected to disappear after the mila and may not reappear until the end if the seuda.

dankbar

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 6:29 am

I've seen dairy for women & meat for men only

You can also do cold cut platters & rolls instead of sit down fleishig full meal

Rutabaga

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:04 am

Good point about the baby. When we made a bris, I spent most of the seuda nursing and someone brought me a bagel. I missed the speeches and made it out to say hi to people only at the very end. The day of a bris the baby may be very sleepy or he may be very kvetchy (I would be too after that experience!), but at least with just a morning bris you can just take the rest of the day how it comes. With an evening seuda it might be hard if the baby needs you, unless you're planning on staying home with him anyway. The mohel will probably want to check the baby out that night too and change the dressing and whatnot.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 9:08 am

Do what helps the mom! But don't expect ppl to come back

amother

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 12:56 pm

I spoke to a rav and was told that its fine to do the seudah seperately, but its best to make sure its on the same day (so wash before shkiah) which during the winter will prob be called for around 4pm. I think for most of the people who will be "invited" to the seudah this wont be a problem, they can still go to work/school for the day after the early morning Bris and make it on time to the meal. It might be a little annoying for them to go to two events in one day, which obviously they dont need to do if its really too much of a hassle, but I dont know if that should be a reason for me to not do it..

I know its normal for the new mom/baby to disappear during but I'd really like to be able to be a part of this simcha if I can. If its done the traditional way, I will have so much anxiety surrounding this event, and will never be able to look back on it with happy thoughts (thinking of my wedding still brings up anxiety and panic attacks for me..). I was so scared about having a son for this reason, and want to try to make it as comfortable for myself as I possibly can, even if that means some people cant take part or are annoyed with me

Is that selfish? This is the first simcha that I have control over (unlike my wedding which was paid for by parents). Its such a special time especially since its my first child, I want to be able to enjoy it.

Side note: I dont think anyone would eat fleishigs at 8am (referring to the people who I know will be there, I think a lot would complain about meat being served instead of breakfast foods)

It might also be nice for some people to have 2 options (either come to the morning ceremony or the afternoon meal, if one works better for them)

studying_torah

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 1:30 pm

Are you expecting ppl to leave work early for the seudah? How early is the morning event (some ppl can't be late to work & then leave early later).
What about your family members/close friends- can they leave work to be there by 4 pm?

amother

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 1:39 pm

studying_torah wrote:

I think most of them will be able to make it without having to leave early

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