What does it cost to support your young married couple?

amother

Yellow

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 3:17 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Not sure what circles you are from but I can tell you that when I lived there I was spending 2,000 shekel each week not including rent and bills. I did have cleaning help but I did not eat meat, we did not go out to eat etc. so we were very comfortable and lacked nothing but for all those saying 2000 per month bear in mind that might not be realistic for many Americans who grew up more comfortably

How did you do that? I mean, how did you manage?
What were you paying your cleaning help? That's like 8000 a month all bills and rent aside. How? Like what were you spending it on? When we were making 8000 a month we were saving 1500 of it each month, with kids (but with no cleaning help, maybe that's the difference).

In all honesty if you need a more comfortable lifestyle that's fine, okay, but if you are in Israel for the ruchniyus experience then don't live a gashmiyus American lifestyle on your parents' bill.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 3:21 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Wait, what were you spending on each week, 2k if not bills? Was that food? I think many young newlyweds just dont have a good grasp on money in the beginning at least. Thats an insane amount of money. If you are saying you spent more than 8k a month, as a couple, that was very very comfortable living. Nobody I know spends 2000 shekels a month, unless they are a family with quiet a few kids and are going to the super market every few days.

Also, in terms of how one grows up and then gettting married and havign to learn how to be an adult, if one is being supported, one is not oing to be living the same life style as when they grew up. And THAT is NOT what kollel life is about.

Mommyg8

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 4:41 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Shabbat, welcome to kollel life 2019 Smile

zaftigmom

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 5:03 pm

My apartment was $1275. It was a spacious, old 2 bedroom. It felt like living in a warehouse. It was all we could find. We would have gladly lived in something smaller.

My father gave us $1000 a month toward rent. I earned close to 6000 NIS a month working long hours as a nanny. We used some of our wedding money too.

We were extremely painfully frugal but we still ran out of money after nine months. Life in Jerusalem is very expensive.

Learning

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 5:25 pm

I think it’s pretty smart. In the secular world young people waste their youth trying to save money to get married or start a life and than when the parents die they get inheritance. But than they already wasted precious years. In the frum world the system makes sense. Help the couple get married young and spend the money on them to get them started on a good life. The problem that the system got corrupted and the boys got greedy. They want more and more money and look for the rich fathers with no regard to anything else.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 6:39 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I was spending on food
Household supplies
Babysitting (when I had one kid)
Cleaning help
Transportation
My husband spent on Seforim
Iced coffee/fruit shakes
Eventually pampers
Babysitting
And I’m sure other items that I’m not remembering at the moment

There were weeks that I didn’t need the full amount. But that was what I used as my limit.
I never went to eretz yisroel with the intention of sacrificing. I went because that was where my husband wanted to learn and that was where my friends went. I went with full intention to live on “American standards”.
But let’s be realistic. This place skews to the poor. And to those who claim not to spend. So I am being honest and realistic in my response.
Typical Brooklyn girl, not from a poor family, going to live in Israel. I needed a lot closer to $4000 each month. The op asked how much to expect. I was sharing my experience.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 7:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Its too late now.
I am wondering the difference of rent between Machal, Arzei and Ramat Eshkol for a decent apartment.

I didn't read the whole thread and I don't know, but I have a close relative with an Israeli-American young newlywed couple living in Jerusalem, she mentioned to me they have apartments called

"Yechidah"
it's a very small apartment, there's no living room or couch, but it has the basic necessities, and it's less expensive, and a lot of newleywed couples move into these apartments called "Yechidah" because it's less expensive. the husband learns, the wife works, and it's just temporary until they grow out of it as they have kids...

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 7:52 pm

Learning wrote:

This is not really accurate since people in the secular world who leave inheritances leave what is LEFT after they have lived their life. They do not borrow in order to leave their children money after their death.

The analogy would be those parents who support children in college but an increasing number of kids don't have parents going into debt for college but figure out alternative systems like state universities or starting gin community colleges.

And of course the huge difference is that theoretically college sets up children to start earning enough to support a family in a middle class manner whereas the majority of people leave kollel and then have to scramble in order to figure out how to do it. Not saying it can't be done just that it is not a means to an end in terms of an investment in one's economic future.

amother

Jade

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 8:06 pm

2 shidduchim that came up for us.
One said that they were willing to help but couldn't consider us unless we could come up with x a month because it's not feasible to make it there on less than...don't remember, 25, 30 K a year.
Another one said, look, the kids will figure it out. We'll slip them some money when we can, maybe pay for their ticket for a simcha. They'll get a small apartment, she'll find a job, maybe for an American company, he'll hustle, they'll make it for a year or two or who knows?

I don't think the first was totally unreasonable, but the second was more realistic.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:31 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

$3000 a month total sounds right plus the flying and other expense that come from living out of town.

Didn’t read through but as someone who just came back from israel (on our own dine Bh) and has a few siblings that are supported there in different crowds - shefa area, arzei and machal. Rent has gone up tremendously across the board. 1500 is the very low end. 3000 will only cut it if the other side gives something or the girl works (it’s hard to find a job quickly).

It’s also super important to remember to budget for basic housewares and set up. Agent fee or last months rent kind of things. Flight tickets and the like...

Lakewood is way more reasonable. Or oot. I also found that unless you live out of the American area, the lifestyle and expectations of everyone around are mind boggling. Not talking about the rich who fly places and vacation. Just the run of the mill buy expensive groceries and host and have a decent apartment and fly home or have moms come when you give birth iyh etc.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:39 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Thank you for being honest- that’s the reality I saw around me when I was there. I really think people who have to be frugal should try to live in cheaper/ more Israeli areas because it’s very hard not to compare. Most ppl sending their kids to israel are somewhat or very financially comfortable.

My sister had more cleaning help in Yerushalaim than she has in Lakewood with double the kids Bh. Her friends in israel met up and the gym and went for walks and shiurim and she ‘needed’ loads of help so that she won’t be burnt out from working so hard. She was hosting so that’s always a lot of money and Kochos also.

Each time you see the couples migrating that’s thousands of dollars for the flights.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 10:59 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Yes, most of my friends there lived on a similar standard.
I forgot to add manicures and waxing. They cost more than in the states. And I went for weekly manicures, because that’s what everyone was doing.
Also didn’t put sheitel resets on that list

For those saying the girl can work, The office jobs were offering 24 shekel an hour. First I was pregnant and nauseous so didn’t want to take a job. And then it would have cost 10 shekel an hour for a babysitter. There was no way I was going to spend a day working for 14 shekel an hour.

Yes, people work hard in order to have the ruchniyus and kedusha. For the most part there is no support involved in that. Those getting support are usually living off of more than $2,000/month

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:11 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

Maybe they need to have very specific locations and apartments which are at least 3 rooms?

In Jerusalem, that's a great price for a 2 room apartment. For a 1 room apartment 4,000 is good. If you're using a broker, you'll pay 1 month rent plus 17% VAT in broker fees. So that will be an additional one-time cost of nearly 4,350 or so for a 1 room apartment. You ca find rentals by owner, we did, however there are slim pickings.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:24 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Right, but people don't understand this, how expensive rent, food and tuition are in Jerusalem relative to salaries. They somehow think it's 3rd world prices here. As previously mentioned, we are a WORKING Haredi family. So we're very careful with money. With several kids BH we live on about $3,000 a month, which goes to food, rent (tiny apartment), tuition for several kids and miscellaneous expenses. We BH put away a good chunk of our income to invest for the future; but this is our income, not parental support (though our parents generously give us gifts a couple times a year, which we also put away to invest from). We live simply. And honestly, we would need at least $5,000 a month to live an American standard of living in Jerusalem. It's not worth it to us. I only shop at gemachs for clothing. We barely shop at all for anything else. We don't do all the bells and whistles we see around us (to be fair neither do many people here). However because we earn our own money, it's precious to us, so we invest as much of it as we can.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Dec 11 2019, 11:48 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Op you should have known better than asking this on this site!
A better question would have been - how much does it cost a young couple to live in israel in blank neighborhood (machal, maalot dafnah..) per month.
Then you can do the math yourself if youre going to be the sole supporter or will your daughter work? Will her inlaws help?
I think the answer is around 3k a month...

A better question is how Torah learning children develop bad middos and rationalize it with all kinds of pretenses.

Placing huge financial burdens on their very own parents isn't coming from any Torah source.
I would think that if one learns Torah the proper way- Lillmod U'llemad, Lishmor V'laasos - not only to learn, but to do, they would be doing the reverse. They'd be trying to alleviate the parent's financial burdens, not add to them.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Dec 12 2019, 1:08 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

My point was that I have lived in Israel for over 15 years. I dont know a soul that spends that much money in a week. To me that is not just living an american life style, thats living on daddy's dime, full stop.

Im sorry but I am very disturbed. And I never said anyone ad to be frugal, but there is a difference in living frugally and a young couple spending 2000 shekels a week.
I always thought of the kollel life as one where there is meant to be sacrificing, not living lavishly. To me its anti each other. But what do I know. I dont live that life.