Shidduch clothing advice

amother

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 10:23 am

Dating second time around. Yeshivish circles. I was advised to dress on the dressier side for first date so I wore a nice dress that I wear to low-key simchas. I'm told for a second date you can go a little less dressy but still dressed up. How many different gradations of outfits do people have?! I have dressy things I wear to simchas that feel overdressed for dates, the dress I wore last time which is like a nicer Shabbos dress, and then most Shabbosos I wear a nice top with a black skirt which I'm told is not dressed enough for a date (I have some non-black outfits but those are too summery for December.) I'm a more casual dresser in general so I need help! What in the world does it mean to dress "less dressy but not much less dressy?!" If the shidduch continues, at what point can I switch to my comfort zone which is a black a-line skirt with a nice sweater?

amother

Snow

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 10:41 am

More so than dressy you need to emphasize what looks good so if you have gorgeous broad shoulders try to wear something that shows them v wearing a flowy skirt if you have short legs

Last edited by amother on Sat, Jun 19 2021, 10:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

Chayalle

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 11:32 am

I don't know what it's like 2nd time around, but I can tell you that people are getting more casual about date-clothing first time around. Even in the last year or so, girls have stopped wearing fancy outfits and are going more casual-nice - like what you would wear on Chol Hamoed or simple Shabbos vs. a Yom Tov or Simcha outfit.

Tzippy323

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 11:47 am

Where what makes you feel comfortable and confident. If you have to tug on it to cover your knees, don’t wear it. If you have to keep adjusting the neckline, don’t wear it. Pick something that you enjoy wearing even if it isn’t particularly dressy. Use some nice accessories. Relax and enjoy the experience. Hatzlocha.

amother

Plum

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 11:58 am

I don't travel those circles, but I do know, don't wear pearl earrings 😉.

It should all be with Mazel.
Hatzlacha rabbah! May you find your bashert soon and with great ease.

amother

Tangerine

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 12:00 pm

My friend recently remarried (soon by you!) and ran into the same issue with clothes - her solution was to raise the topic with the man, and she found out that he would really prefer for her to feel comfortable and like herself, rather than all formal. I think you're fine in your top and skirt outfits for now, and as you get more comfortable and start going on more casual dates with him, you'll dress according to where you're going.

amother

Puce

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 12:14 pm

[quote="amother [ Plum ]"]I don't travel those circles, but I do know, don't wear pearl earrings 😉.

That is funny, that here people were saying it's out of trend.....well.....in the nursery at Aim most brand new baby girls.... were in pearls....because that's trending now

BetsyTacy

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 1:21 pm

[quote="amother [ Puce ]"]

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

I don't travel those circles, but I do know, don't wear pearl earrings 😉.

That is funny, that here people were saying it's out of trend.....well.....in the nursery at Aim most brand new baby girls.... were in pearls....because that's trending now

Puce amother, this is an easter egg (I guess on imamother a what an afikomen?) at a very long thread about a mother with a son in shidduchim who after looking at a picture of a girl was questioning what it meant by the fact that she wore pearls in her shidduch photo...

I can't actually answer the op's question, but I think that feeling confident in how you look and feel in an outfit is the best choice.

Last edited by BetsyTacy on Fri, Dec 13 2019, 1:44 pm; edited 2 times in total

agreer

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 1:33 pm

Are you going to lounges? Restaurants? Walking around malls? I think the outfit depends on circumstances.

However... Honestly, I don't think you can go wrong with a black dress or a nice black top/skirt.

amother

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 1:38 pm

agreer wrote:

Restaurant. Which begs the next question of what do you do in a restaurant. First marriage we never did a restaurant. How do you get to know each other with food in your mouth? And I actually googled restaurant dating advice and basically everything comes up on the "don't order this" list.

I'm ready for a new relationship but dating to get one is going to kill me Can't Believe It

I totally froze up on the first date (lounge) and this is more of a second chance than a second date. It's like "let's be kind and not write her off as a total loser for being awkward and a little triggered at her first date post abuse."

amother

Mistyrose

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 3:22 pm

I think you are overthinking this. Wear something that is somewhere in the shabbos spectrum and more importantly, makes you feel pretty. After a few date, you can Goa bit more casual, especially if the activity requires it (bowling, a picnic, etc..) but stay very polished looking even if casual. Make sure that no matter how formal or informal, you look pulled together with everything in good condition.

Shabbosiscoming

Fri, Dec 13 2019, 3:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You talk. And eat in between talking. You can discuss the decor or menu to help break the ice and help you relax.
And be you. Order what you usually would, unless it's something hard to eat politely/is very messy in public (like tacos). Hopefully no one is judging you on your food, and it can lead to conversation. People bond over food all the time.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Dec 18 2019, 6:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’ve been out of the market for a long time, however I dated yeshivish way. A restaurant was a NO for a first date. Or 2nd. Too many issues: a couple eating together is a very intimate situation.
If there is no dinner for the guy at home (lives alone/ roommate/ bad yeshiva food etc), then u go to a restaurant with him. Let him eat and satisfy himself (u order a small thing/ desert) , then u talk.

amother

Purple

Wed, Dec 18 2019, 6:48 pm

Hi op,
So I guess im what one would call yeshivish and this is my take on dating clothes . I think that it doesnt really matter if what you're wearing is considered fancy or shabbos looking . As long as you're not wearing a denim skirt and tshirt you're fine. Most importantly just make sure that wtvr you're wearing looks good on you and compliments your figure . If you're in the tristate area I think you should try some stores now . There are huge sales going on now especially in junees. You may find a cute weekdayish not Denimish type of dress. You can be yeshivish and tznisudik even in a dress or a colored skirt . Color doesnt mean not tznius or summery . I dont know what you look like or your skin tone but you can find very nice skirts with a a slight pattern and you can wear it with a basic sweater . Maybe burgundy or a deep eggplant color . If you can afford it I would say go shopping ! Have some fun !! You totally deserve it! Good luck !

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Dec 18 2019, 9:44 pm

Op, the main thing is that he wants to feel like your pretty. Put on a nice outfit, makeup, jewelry etc. that really make you look stunning. I can look stunning in some of my weekday outfits too. Most men don't understand all these rules about how dressy something is anyways. They just know what looks good on you.
Regarding eating out on a date, it's not an issue at all. You can sit there for 3 hours eating one dish. It's not like you are so busy eating that you can't talk. I would suggest:
1. Don't order something super expensive - not everyone has tons of money to spend on a date, but they have no choice, therefor it's not so considerate to order a $65 piece of meat.
2. Don't order something messy or hard to eat... you don't want to be struggling not to slurp or spill your soup or be struggling to cut your steak with a steak knife... I would stick with a simple salad or the like. Neat, can eat with a fork... you get the idea.
Hatzlocha!