Keep money or not | Imamother

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

Keep money or not

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amother

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 1:13 am

We moved to a very nice community a little over a year ago. Dh is a rebbe. We are bh financially stable. No programs. No savings as the house we bought ate them all up. Dh gives various men’s or boys shiurim at least once a month. Before pesach the rav made a yom tov campaign for the community collecting money. He texted dh that he does so much for the community can he help with our yom tov expenses at all. Dh told him no we bh fine. Before succos the rav made the coll collection again and a few days later a 500 check from the shul was in our mailbox. Dh gave it back to rav and said we don’t need tzedaka. Rav said it’s not tzedaka it’s rebbe appreciaton. I need a new shaitel. I would love to cash the check and use it towards a shaitel. Dh doesn’t want to cash check. What would u do?

amother

Green

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 1:17 am

Who did the community think they were giving to?

naturalmom5

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 1:18 am

I admire your DHs values...

But honestly this case sounds more like a very wealthy accountant or attorney getting an xmas bonus...

groisamomma

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 1:43 am

Your dh works hard, he gives shiurim and gives back to the community. You aren't taking handouts and don't sound like you would take advantage of people. You're living without programs and own your own house. Allow the community to show their appreciation. It's not tzedakah, it's hakaras hatov. If it makes dh more comfortable, tell him to talk it over with the rav and explain that it's for a shaitel. The rav might very well consider that a necessity, and either way he'd be happy to know your dh is considerate about others' money and not spending on frivolous things.

amother

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:13 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

I admire your DHs values...

But honestly this case sounds more like a very wealthy accountant or attorney getting an xmas bonus...

??? I don’t understand

naturalmom5

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

??? I don’t understand

Very often an attorney or accountant gets a token of appreciation from his clients around the holidays

Thats precisely what is happening in your story...

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:19 am

Go ahead, get that shaitel! And thank Hashem that you don't need the money for basics.
I admire your ethics, but accept is as the bonus he deserves. It's the norm in the business world, why shouldn't a rebbi get that too?

zaq

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:23 am

If your dh is giving shiurim without remuneration, he deserves a tangible expression of tbe community’s appreciation. Schoolteachers get Chanukah gelt and Purim gelt to show appreciation from the parents via the PTA, this is no different. Keep it.

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