Skipping school | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Skipping school

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amother

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:13 pm

Ever let your otherwise, mostly well behaved teenager skip school once in a while...whether just for a "sanity day" or maybe they need time on a project they aren't prepared for, or the classes for the day are low yield and extremely boring according to the student.

I do. And I have some guilt about it. Probably doesn't send the strongest message to the teenager about accountability and reliability.

My mother let me do it. I was an A student mostly. Sometimes I had to go out of town. Sometimes I wasn't prepared for a test. Sometimes just didn't feel like going.

trixx

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:15 pm

Mental health days all the way!!

I granted them to myself when I was a teen. Even when we were kids if we slightly fake coughed my mother would just let us off the hook. Come on - most kids like school and if they want to stay home there's reason for it.

Let your teens chill!! (also in my high school due to their insane attendance policy it cost (not $$) less to be absent than to come late)

Reliability? I'm sorry but as adults we get sick days from work. Why can't high school kids get the same.

Frenchfry

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:17 pm

Yup! Mental health days.

I only worry about it if it starts becoming a habit.

amother

Purple

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:21 pm

I missed 3 days of school out of every 5 in HS. I still maintained honors. It sends a bad message about work ethics to allow teens to take off. It's not about the grades, it's about responsibility.

amother

Violet

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yeeesss!!
I have one dd who struggles with some subjects and school is generally far from her favorite place. She wanted to stay home every now and then, and I didn't stop her. It got a bit out of hand when she was in tenth grade, with her wanting to stay home too often, so I told her it can happen only once per month. I had to call the school each time to explain her absence, and I'd say she isn't feeling well... and dd and me would joke that emotional health is also important! B"H her attendance is better now and I'm counting down for her to graduate, since I know she'll do much better in the real world BE"H.
Another daughter is an incredibly conscientious student. She wouldn't stay home even if I paid her! But for the kids who need this, I think it's the right thing to do. I didn't grow up with this attitude at home (being responsible, doing what is expected, being a star student were all much more important) but heard of it from another woman and saw how important it was with dd mentioned above.
As long as it doesn't get out of hand, its the right thing to do when our kids need it.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:31 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

I missed 3 days of school out of every 5 in HS. I still maintained honors. It sends a bad message about work ethics to allow teens to take off. It's not about the grades, it's about responsibility.

3/5 days is a lot more than once in a while.

Like all things in life, it's a healthy balance.

I cherish the days I took off school as a kid. Reminded me that I was more than a report card generator and that school was not a prison.

If I was missing more than once a month or so, that would have been a problem.

groisamomma

Sun, Dec 15 2019, 11:35 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

I missed 3 days of school out of every 5 in HS. I still maintained honors. It sends a bad message about work ethics to allow teens to take off. It's not about the grades, it's about responsibility.

Hence the OP's words:

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ever let your otherwise, mostly well behaved teenager skip school once in a while...whether just for a "sanity day" or...

Your case sounds more like this:

Frenchfry wrote:

I only worry about it if it starts becoming a habit.

...in which case I'd look deeper and possibly haul the child to therapy to fix a real problem.

Why wait until it becomes one, OP? Go for it. My girls look forward to a day off every once in a while. I strongly believe it keeps them going.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 12:23 am

My parents never let me. I think I missed 3 days in 4 years of HS and I NEVER went in late.

I let my DD.

naturalmom5

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 2:34 am

Are frum schools tougher on girls than boys

I went to PS.. whenever I cut, I was treated like a felon

My husband was Ferris Bueller... Very Happy

essie14

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 4:08 am

My kids don't abuse it and we let them take mental health days when they need it.
I feel no guilt.

cinnamon

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 4:27 am

Yep I let all my school aged kids stay home every once in a while.
I take mental health days off work when I need it (Thats what vacation days are for!)

teachkids

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 7:18 am

As long as it's not more than once a month and your child takes responsibility to make up whatever work she missed, let her enjoy mental health days once in a while.

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 7:26 am

I've never heard of mental day.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 8:16 am

I did take those days about once or twice a year as a teen but I don’t let now. I was a different personality and it would not be abused. I try to consider mental health on non school times.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 9:04 am

I allow my kids to stay home once in a while. I know the yeshivos would be against it because of “bitul Torah”, but I think it’s beneficial to my children to have a break once in a while ...it only ends up happening like twice a year.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 9:22 am

I went to an exclusive prep school for high school, and we had a "sleeping room" in the infirmary. It was just a big room with 6-8 beds. I thought our sleeping room policies did a good job balancing the need for an occasional break with taking academics seriously, and when my kids are older I could see implementing something similar, although the logistics would be very different of course.

Students were permitted to go to the sleeping room instead of class if they felt tired, and they would be excused via infirmary note for the period of time they were there.

But it was not an unlimited privilege. There was a time limit (3 hours? I don't remember exactly). It could not be used to skip an exam or a deadline for a significant paper or project. And, a student was allowed to use it 3 times per trimester with no consequences. A fourth use would not lead to discipline, but it would lead to the school writing a letter to the parents with the concern that the student is having trouble balancing their schedule and requesting a discussion to address the problem. Most students preferred to avoid this, and three times per trimester was 9 times per school year, so a relatively generous allowance.

I would not let my child skip an exam or a significant assignment if there was no illness. A mental health crisis is illness, but disorganization or procrastination is not. Getting a C on a B paper that was late is hardly the end of the world.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 9:33 am

All those saying you allow this once a month because you yourself have vacation days...do you take off once a month just because? I can't imagine it's really that often
Oh, and then also have 2 months off during the summer and random vacation days throughout the year?

Sorry, IMO this is teaching bad work habits and on top of that wrong ethics.
I worked in a HS for many years and attendance was by far our biggest issue - and it makes it almost impossible to do anything about it when parents are not backing up the school

ETA: just adding I do think once or twice a year is fine, if that's all it ends up being, more than that is when things are out of hand

mommyhood

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:18 am

I think a couple of mental health days a year is very healthy. Once a month sounds way too often to me, I would maybe be ok with once a month in the months without a real vacation.
The only part of OPs post that would concern me is skipping because a kids not prepared for a test. That to me sends the wrong message.

amother

Mon, Dec 16 2019, 11:28 am

I agree once a month is a lot. Maybe once a quarter is not so egregious. I wish I could take a mental health day from work!

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