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Forum -> Working Women
I'm so so sad



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 4:35 pm
My oldest is having his first Chanukah party in preschool and I'm missing it Crying I know he's not even two yet and it'll probably fly over his head and I know I won't be the only one missing it and I know this is life when you're working. But it makes me so sad. I always want my kids to know that they are my priority over everything else but I absolutely CANNOT under any circumstances miss my meeting that day. If I were sick in bed, I would be attending remotely.
No one gets it. My friends think I'm nuts for caring about a Chanukah party for such a young kid, my mother thinks I shouldn't be working altogether and my husband doesn't get why I'm emotional over this so I just need to vent.
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 4:43 pm
Do those friends have older kids, or a lot of kids? For a young mother with only one 2 year old this is a big deal and they should understand that.

Is there any way you can ask the teacher or another parent to send you pictures/videos? I KNOW it's not the same but I treasure the pictures I have from ds birthday party in school that I had to miss also due to work. It made a big difference.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 4:46 pm
My friends have a similar amount of kids or no kids, but no one really understands why I'm upset. He's not my only child, I have a little baby too but this is his first real event.
I'll get pictures and videos and my logical side knows this is no big deal but my mommy heart is so sad
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chayamiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 4:53 pm
Can you ask a friend to go instead and take pictures I used to ask my friend or mom or any other family member to go when I couldn't instead of me.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 4:55 pm
I don't have any family locally and he doesnt know my friends well enough to be happy if they came
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 5:00 pm
I think u sound perfectly reasonable. I would also feel devastated. I get you. It's probably a personality type, and some people just can't relate.

I remember going with my sister to my nephew's first time as shabbos abba in school. The shabbos mommy was the daughter of my high school classmate who was working that day. I felt so bad for my classmate who couldn't be there, not the daughter. I even sent her a pic.

Whenever I couldn't go when my nephew was shabbos abba, I felt bad. And that was my nephew, not my own child!

So I totally understand. Your feelings are justified.
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Cheiny




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 5:02 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My oldest is having his first Chanukah party in preschool and I'm missing it Crying I know he's not even two yet and it'll probably fly over his head and I know I won't be the only one missing it and I know this is life when you're working. But it makes me so sad. I always want my kids to know that they are my priority over everything else but I absolutely CANNOT under any circumstances miss my meeting that day. If I were sick in bed, I would be attending remotely.
No one gets it. My friends think I'm nuts for caring about a Chanukah party for such a young kid, my mother thinks I shouldn't be working altogether and my husband doesn't get why I'm emotional over this so I just need to vent.


I don’t think you’re nuts at all, I commend you for being such a caring mother! Your child is lucky to have you.
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 6:43 pm
Ask his Morah is you can go for the “run through” or performance practice the day before.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 6:48 pm
SuperWify wrote:
Ask his Morah is you can go for the “run through” or performance practice the day before.


He's not even two years old yet, I don't think there's being a run through Smile
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 7:55 pm
Op, honestly you should go to the party. Work meetings come and go but you will never be able to join his 2 yr old Chanukah party ever again. He might be sad as well when lots of mommies are there and his isn’t. You sound like a wonderful mother!
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 7:56 pm
I would ask the teacher if she could push it off an hour or two when I could attend, if that's a possibility. I have done that in the past when the child in question was insistent that I attend. The teachers were always so accommodating! (I also made sure to tip nicely every year to show my appreciation for the extra mile they went for a working mom)

As an aside, it is always a good idea to show all your childrens' teachers hakaras hatov. They are substitute moms when the kids are young and they are literally doing our jobs for us. If we deserve something, they certainly deserve something. I'm aware that they get paid. But going the extra mile shows them that their work is not just good but appreciated by you and your spouse. You can never give too much. Even if it's not money, it's still appreciated.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 8:10 pm
Unfortunately the time can't be adjusted, I asked.
And this meeting isn't negotiable either, I literally would have to attend remotely if I were in bed with the flu, there's no way I can miss it without losing my job.
I'm worried he'll be sad I'm not there even though I really don't think he's old enough to get it. He's 20 months and doesn't talk except for a few random words. In a way I want to have him stay home with a babysitter so he doesn't see all his friends mommies there and not his
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 8:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Unfortunately the time can't be adjusted, I asked.
And this meeting isn't negotiable either, I literally would have to attend remotely if I were in bed with the flu, there's no way I can miss it without losing my job.
I'm worried he'll be sad I'm not there even though I really don't think he's old enough to get it. He's 20 months and doesn't talk except for a few random words. In a way I want to have him stay home with a babysitter so he doesn't see all his friends mommies there and not his


(you're making me cry. Why can't the teacher adjust the timing? It's pre school. I would offer to call the teacher for you if I thought it was appropriate. I know exactly what you're going through. I'm sorry! )
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 8:33 pm
Jewishfoodie wrote:
(you're making me cry. Why can't the teacher adjust the timing? It's pre school. I would offer to call the teacher for you if I thought it was appropriate. I know exactly what you're going through. I'm sorry! )


It's a class of 18, you'll never find a time that works for everyone. Turns out this is the time that works better for more moms.
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Jewishfoodie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 8:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It's a class of 18, you'll never find a time that works for everyone. Turns out this is the time that works better for more moms.
Hug
He'll get over it. So I guess you'll have to make peace with that. But if I were you, I would send something special with him to school and tell the teacher to let him give it out to everyone. And do send a relative if possible..
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lifesagift




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 8:57 pm
Not trying to make you feel worse but as a sitter who sits babies 2 and under I agree that your baby may very well be sad to see other kids seeing their moms while he sits there alone. Even a 20 month old that doesn't talk gets that. I would ask a friend, bubby, auntie or anyone he's familiar with if they could attend instead, he doesn't have to know if the others are moms or relatives. That said, if nothing works out rest assured he will get over it, won't remember it, n won't get affected. I agree your a terrific mom ( with a healthy dose of Jewish guilt;)) enjoy a little treat when he gets home to ease you both. Hatzlacha!
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