DD5 love language is getting gifts.

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amother

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 12:42 pm

I feel so stupid that it took me this long to realize why she begs for presents from everyone in her life. Its especially hard on dh and I who feel like she always is asking for presents and talking about what she is getting when and why...
So now for the practical aspect- how do I show her I love her without spoiling her rotten? Its also hard with her younger sis who is close in age- she doesnt have the same needs at all but gets jealous when she sees her sister has things she wants too..

amother

Puce

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 12:48 pm

I would suggest keeping it small. a sticker, an eraser... the point is just to show you are thinking of her. I would also suggest you give different kids different stuff at different times. It's ok to give one more but it shouldn't be so incredilby in your face if that makes sense.

amother

Wine

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:00 pm

Getting gifts is my love language also. I even appreciate a card or a note or an action (DH surprising me with doing the dishes or something) it doesn’t need to cost money. A good idea is to make her a coupon book that she can cash when she deserves (story time with mommy, a special soap for her bath, coloring time together etc) that way she feels like she’s getting something

amother

Jade

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:08 pm

Buy a charm bracelet. You can always give more charms for it.

amother

Gray

Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:11 pm

Our love languages like much else develops as a result of our early experiences.

I don't know that I would necessarily encourage or feed this need in such a young child, or even view it as "her love language."

I would actually try to cultivate a different way in which to help her feel loved so the need for things doesn't follow her as she grows

LovesHashem

Sat, Dec 21 2019, 11:01 am

Giving isn't always just stuff.
It's picking up chocolate on the way home or a little trinket from the dollar store.
It's making her her favorite dinner - giving her freshly baked cookies.

amother

Turquoise

Sat, Dec 21 2019, 1:52 pm

very often the lovelanguage we use is taught to us, so I wouldnt feed into it too much.

GIFT her a voucer with a pink heart saying. outing wth mommy to the palyground. then take a foto ther, print it and stick it on your frifge and say: remember how mommy gifted you the playground trip?

next time give her a voucher for a trip to the local libbrary, a reading session, a supper she may choose and help prepare, a voucher to choose which napkins to buy for shabbos, a voucher to wake up tati for shul one morning with a kiss, A PHYSICAL PIC OR CARD, so she has something to visualise and hold on to or collect but not necessarily a toy/item.

from time to time id give a sticker or eraser... but try to shift the RECIEVING GIFT feeling to time spent together or her making decisions/helping.

amother

Turquoise

Sat, Dec 21 2019, 1:53 pm

oh and sotty for my bad english

ra_mom

Sat, Dec 21 2019, 7:26 pm

It's more about the feeling of love. When you come home with a new pair of tights for her, tell her I thought of you today, I bought you those new tights that you needed! Serve her dinner and give her a kiss and say I know how much you love this dinner and that's why I chose to make it tonight! You give to her multiple times a day. Make the giving meaningful for her.

amother

Denim

Sat, Dec 21 2019, 7:38 pm

ITA with those who say LLs are learned. Emphasize the other LLs so she gets a balance. She needs to learn that love is expressed in many different ways, not just gifts, otherwise she’ll turn into a gimme monster. Does your dd give people things to show her affection? If yes, then gifts may be one of her LLs. If not, then she’s just learning selfishness.

Nobody has just one LL; when people say “my LL is ABC”, they mean “my MAIN LL is ABC.”

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