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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Collecting to give gifts together



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polka dots




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 11:23 pm
I guess it’s a spin off of the chanuka money for the teachers.
It always bothers me when someone at work says “the secretary had a baby. Let’s all give 5 bucks and get her a gift from all of us.” Or a family member “let’s all give 10 dollars and buy our great aunt a bday gift.”

While I understand the idea of pooling together a bit from everyone to have a substantial gift I think people need to be more sensitive about it. Bh I don’t have an issue paying the few dollars here and there but many people do have an issue.

Also sometimes it makes it less personal. Like sometimes I would rather buy a little box of chocolates with my own card then “chip in” to a larger gift that is signed off as a group.

There were also times where I had a more personal connection to a specific person and had in mind to get something nice and there were times where I really didn’t have much connection to a person that was collected for but I didn’t want to make a big deal and gave the few dollars and Bh I was able to.

What do you ladies think? Back to the example of the secretary. Should she rather get many gifts and flowers and chocolates( with many of them being quite cheap)from the people that feel close to her or rather pool together $5 from all the workmates and get her something substantial?
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 11:33 pm
Faves this issue so many times. Personally I hate the whole collection thing. Sometimes I'm really tight with money and I'd rather find something cute and give it to that person instead of feeling like the fool that gave 5 or 10 when everyone gave 15 or 20. Or sometimes I'm not that close to the person and don't feel like giving a gift and don't want to be obligated to give one. This issue also came up in my college class a lot where most of the class was made up of women who were more well off and didn't mind collecting a gift for anything and everything. I was always the one asking to lower the price and sometimes I didn't chip in at all. It was a very hurtful experience.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Thu, Dec 19 2019, 11:47 pm
Not a fan.
Still remember being 12 years old, and after one of our teachers had a baby, some girls decided we had to give a very expensive gift. Whatever the cost was, I didn't have the money and told them it was too much. They went to another teacher who came in and gave us a whole speech about how we *needed* to each contribute that amount and she was disappointed to hear that some girls were arguing about it. Well, I wasn't going to speak up to the teacher and humiliate myself further so I think in the end I asked my mother for the money (which I hated to do, my parents were scrimping by as it was.) It's years later and I'm still upset at that teacher. She should have had more sense.
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polka dots




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 20 2019, 12:09 am
I think that where people go wrong is that they think that because it’s a small amount of money it’s ok to ask and it won’t bother anyone.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 20 2019, 12:17 am
One thing that bugs me a bit about group gifts. Is when one person decides "let's get this 200$ gift. Between 10 people that comes to $20 each." If it's gonna be a group thing, let it actually be discussed by the group.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Fri, Dec 20 2019, 12:19 am
polka dots wrote:
I think that where people go wrong is that they think that because it’s a small amount of money it’s ok to ask and it won’t bother anyone.


There is nothing wrong with informing people that they formed a collection for a gift, and provide the details so whoever wishes to partake can contribute. What's wrong is expecting everyone to contribute, and chasing after people.
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polka dots




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 20 2019, 1:24 am
amother [ cornflower ] wrote:
There is nothing wrong with informing people that they formed a collection for a gift, and provide the details so whoever wishes to partake can contribute. What's wrong is expecting everyone to contribute, and chasing after people.


True. I guess the difference is in the way it’s presented.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 20 2019, 5:40 am
Whatever is nice - people being paid, nothing is needed
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paperflowers




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 20 2019, 8:03 am
I also get bothered by it. There are so many times I felt pressured to contribute even when it was hard for me. Sometimes I gave in and sometimes not.

I know someone who works in a very tight knit department. They actually pool money into a fund at the beginning of every year, and take from that when they want to get a gift for someone, instead of collecting every time. This works for them.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Fri, Dec 20 2019, 8:22 am
I work in a pretty big place, so there's usually just an email that they're collecting and a couple reminders. Nothing personal or individual. I feel no pressure and I like that I can give 5$ when it's someone I'm friendly with but don't want to but don't want to buy a whole gift. I don't give if it's someone I have no relationship with. When I'm giving a gift to a close friend, I don't contribute to the group gift, and the group gift is pretty much always a gift card, so I don't feel that the money is wasted. I can see how people would feel bothered if the collector is pressing people individually to give, but if done right, group gifts are great.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Sat, Dec 21 2019, 7:33 pm
Omg I was ttly gna post something like this!

Here's another pet peeve of mine when it comes to these collections- very often the more "liked" or well-known ppl end up getting a much more substantial gift than others. Or some ppl are ALWAYS on the receiving end and some always on the giving.

I just recently had this in my office where 2 girls got engaged, 1 got a nice gift and 1 they didn't even collect for. When I mentioned this to the person that does the collecting, the response was, "she's quiet, ppl dx rly know her so we won't be able to give a nice gift"

Um, hello?! So let's just ignore her okayyy

Previous place of employment didn't do these collections. The business always gave a standard gift; if ppl wanted to, they gave privately. Best way to go imo
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Sat, Dec 21 2019, 8:11 pm
Ughh what a flashback! My soon to be ex sister in law did this with our wedding present, and she decided it was going to be from her sister and my siblings. Her sister is one thing, but it was not okay telling my sister and brother-in-law and my brother how much money to spend.
They did it for shalom, but really, not a good idea.

Actually, my soon-to-be-ex's family was always having fabulous ideas like this, even when we were a young couple with me working and he in school.

You know what they say, there is no great loss without some small gain.
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