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-> Parenting our children
Ruchel
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 Thu, Jan 02 2020, 12:48 pm
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I still detest when people randomly use those words. Indeed my body is more than those terms
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keym
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 1:15 pm
This conversation reminds me
When I was a kid, we had a neighbor who was very into using only "anatomically proper words".
When I was 15 and babysat there, their 2 1/2 year old told me "I defecated in my diaper".
😁😁
I had no idea what he was saying.
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gamanit
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:08 pm
| amother [ Hotpink ] wrote: | | It is said about the Manchester Rosh Yeshiva, zt"l, that he never said the word bathroom or washroom. He said "the room without the mezuza." He certainly knew the correct word, but prefered to use lashon nekiah. |
And to tie this into the mention of royalty; I've heard people say they're going to where the King goes by himself.
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amother
Indigo
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:15 pm
| banana123 wrote: | My doctor doesn't say "humerus" or "femur."
"Put out your arm" not "expose your humerus."  |
"Arm" is the accurate name. It isn't that specific, but it's not like he says "pull out your top leg".
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nchr
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:15 pm
| gamanit wrote: | | And to tie this into the mention of royalty; I've heard people say they're going to where the King goes by himself. |
Some people refer to a toilet as throne.
In Yiddish, some people say that need to use the restroom "far lang" (for a long time) to indicate a bowel movement; however, there are just as many people that call it a package which is not refined at all.
I don't think someone is holier because they use different words.
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banana123
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:19 pm
| amother [ Indigo ] wrote: | | "Arm" is the accurate name. It isn't that specific, but it's not like he says "pull out your top leg". |
But it's not the medically correct term, either.
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amother
Indigo
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:20 pm
| banana123 wrote: | | But it's not the medically correct term, either. |
It's not the medical term, but that does not in any way make it incorrect.
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banana123
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:24 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | Im sorry, but when I hear the word tushie, a buttocks is EXACTLY what I think of and nothing else.
And so interesting that you felt an invasion at having a parent use the actual words that the body parts are. I literally never thought about it, but now looking back, I think it made me feel grown up and trusted, by my parents, to not have baby words used for body parts. |
Come to think of it, I felt the same way as Vermilion when my mother used the anatomically correct words. But I think that has to do more with how she said it and where and when (hint: not in privately or quietly) than the words she used. And also her attitude towards the whole subject was very negative. I found out all my information myself. Maybe she told me about periods, but only that it will happen and what to do when it does. No explanation or anything.
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banana123
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:27 pm
| amother [ Hotpink ] wrote: | It is said about the Manchester Rosh Yeshiva, zt"l, that he never said the word bathroom or washroom. He said "the room without the mezuza." He certainly knew the correct word, but prefered to use lashon nekiah.
We can say relations, or intimacy, instead of the "correct" word, which seems more crass and explicit. As a teacher, there are stories in chumash and Navi that have to be taught. I never skip the stories, but use refined language and the girls understand on their own what is being inferred. Eg,. About Eli's sons, They laid with women.
I have never used any explicit words with any of my children, and they have never had a problem expressing themselves when something bothered them. My little ones say "my private hurts" . I say, let me wipe you. (I have never once used the word "tu*h" or any other.) We say number one or number two. (Or big and small, as in halacha it says gedolim and ketanim)
To the OP, besides for all of the rational, hashkafic reasons given, I think a lot of it has to do with how you were raised and what the culture is. The language you speak with your children tends to be patterned on the language you were raised with, unless you consciously change it.
So, many of us were raised using certain words, and it feels natural to us to use those words that seem age appropriate. |
So because of people like you, every time I say Hallel I choke back laughter when I say "hagedolim im haktanim" and try to keep the meaning of the words as they were meant, and not as they are now used. Thank you all very much for ruining Hallel forever.
Last edited by banana123 on Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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banana123
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:31 pm
| amother [ Indigo ] wrote: | | It's not the medical term, but that does not in any way make it incorrect. |
I was responding to the poster who said every doctor uses the correct medical term for every body part.
Arm is not the medical term. Period.
Doctors do not always use the proper medical term for every body part. But I could totally see my pediatrician using the word tusik. Pretty sure I've heard her say it.
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amother
Indigo
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 3:32 pm
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Doctors I know would use "private part" if they want to be accurate but not specific, and the correct medical terms if they do want to be specific.
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amother
Hotpink
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:09 pm
| banana123 wrote: | | So because of people like you, every time I say Hallel I choke back laughter when I say "hagedolim im haktanim" and try to keep the meaning of the words as they were meant, and not as they are now used. Thank you all very much for ruining Hallel forever. |
I'm sorry, but that is a bit pathetic. I can't control where your mind goes. 
And fyi, I was referring to how the Kitzur shulchan Aruch refers to it, so thank R' Gantzfried zt"l for "ruining your Hallel".
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amother
Hotpink
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:21 pm
OP started this thread asking a question, ostensibly because she really wanted to understand something that puzzled her.
There were many excellent answers given, explaining this. You are free to disagree with the sensitivities raised, but hopefully you have come away with something of an understanding about why many of us use euphamisms. It's not out of prudishness or because we don't care about accuracy. Its a level of sensitivity we absorbed from our upbringings, which really comes from chazal.
Klal yisroel are rachmanim, bayshanim and gomlei chassadim. BAYSHANIM means we have appropriate modesty. Not becuase there is anything shameful with our bodies, but we recognize that privacy is a value. Today, in the world we live in today unfortunately, this is a lost art.
Speaking in refined manner about private parts is part of the bigger picture of valuing privacy and refinement of speech.
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amother
Vermilion
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Thu, Jan 02 2020, 11:33 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | | Huh? If the word pen1s or v@gina comes up in a conversation, for whatever reason, yes, we use the actual words. Why ever not? As adults? I have never heard of adults also not using the correct terminology. To me thats even more strange. |
Not if it's in a personal way, I wouldn't. After my first dc was born, a friend of mine was asking me specific questions about how I tore, wanting to know the exact situation going on in my nethers. I remember feeling very invaded. I think that was inappropriate. (I don't hold it against her all these years later, to an extent it's about personality. This friend is very open about herself and tends to over-share without a second thought.)
Wouldn't you agree that asking about tearing in the general sense is preferable, and frankly more socially acceptable in a casual conversation than saying, how many stitches around your vagna did you need? Was your perenium swollen? Is your a*us sore when you need to have a bowel movement?
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1ofbillions
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Fri, Jan 03 2020, 12:23 am
Very wise article on this topic by Elisheva Liss LMFT:
https://nefesh.org/ElishevaLis......html
For the sake of our children’s safety and emotional wellbeing, it is vital that anatomically correct terms be used.
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amother
Coral
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Fri, Jan 03 2020, 7:58 am
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My kids made up their own euphemisms, presumably so they can snicker about things without anyone knowing. Obviously I figured out what those words meant in about two minutes, and now we all use them I have no problem telling my four year old to make sure she cleans her basketball really well after she poops, or to only use water and not soap when she's cleaning her flute in the shower. But I will absolutely be much more anatomically correct when discussing anything important, like physical development.
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amother
Smokey
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Fri, Jan 03 2020, 11:48 am
| amother [ Hotpink ] wrote: | OP started this thread asking a question, ostensibly because she really wanted to understand something that puzzled her.
There were many excellent answers given, explaining this. You are free to disagree with the sensitivities raised, but hopefully you have come away with something of an understanding about why many of us use euphamisms. It's not out of prudishness or because we don't care about accuracy. Its a level of sensitivity we absorbed from our upbringings, which really comes from chazal.
Klal yisroel are rachmanim, bayshanim and gomlei chassadim. BAYSHANIM means we have appropriate modesty. Not becuase there is anything shameful with our bodies, but we recognize that privacy is a value. Today, in the world we live in today unfortunately, this is a lost art.
Speaking in refined manner about private parts is part of the bigger picture of valuing privacy and refinement of speech. |
Excellently said.
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