7 year old DD wetting

amother

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 10:52 am

My 7 year old has gone through periods of being able to stay dry at night, and times when she wets regularly. She has refused to wear a pull-up, so even though the doctor said it wasn't a concern until she was 8 or so, it has become a big deal. When she started wetting again a few months ago, I offered her a quarter for each day that she woke up dry. She was able to do it successfully for a few weeks and then we lowered the 'compensation' to a dime. After a few weeks of her being dry every day, yesterday, we told her that we were not going to be giving her anything. She wet again last night.

What in the world am I supposed to do? I know, usually, the advice is to not discipline because it is biological bla bla bla. But what is this - a coincidence? She's been dry for weeks, and suddenly she doesn't get her reward and she wets?

How do I deal with this?

amother

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 11:15 am

What? reward a child for staying dry? I've never heard of such a thing. She is 7. If she can control her bladder, she should. Isn't this sending her all the wrong messages? For sure, from my perspective, its worth a quarter not to need to do laundry and make beds every day. But I don't think this is the right approach for her development.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 1:02 pm

That is interesting... 6-8 weeks should have built a body pattern already. Were you giving any other positive reinforcement aside from the money when you were rewarding? I'm assuming you were praising her too ect.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 1:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's not the kind of thing you need to be ideological about and take a hard line... Trust me, when she grows up she won't think "If I'm not getting paid I have no interest in not wetting the bed". Societal expectations when living with others and the increased workload when living alone, aside from the self expectations. You gotta pick your battles. If giving a dime seems to work, it's not something worth not compromising on.

That being said, I would wait a few more days before starting compensation again. If she does wake up dry during any of those days, praise what a big mature girl she is for waking up dry even with no prize. You can even give her a surprise gifts. Studies on positive reinforcement have shown that it is most effective when it is unpredictable and not regular.

stickynotes

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 1:10 pm

my dd 7 y.o. also wets her bed but only like once or 2x a week I don't know what to do with her! never rewarded but she also refuses a pull up. I never asked the dr, when is it normal to not have her even occasionally wet her bed?

oneofakind

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 3:38 pm

Buy the bell and blanket for bedwetting. Some insurers even pay for it. Try a medical supply store. If they wet, the buzzer wakes them up. They'll control themselves to avoid the annoying buzzer.

amother

Denim

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 3:55 pm

I wet my bed until I was 13. One of the greatest shames growing up that really had an impact on my self-esteem. Sometimes even when she's trying, it happens that she'll wet the bed, because her body's hormones. She's probably not wetting by going to sleep thirsty etc. I remember being parched and refusing to drink so I dont wet the bed. That isn't healthy either Its a hormonal issue. Wake her up at midnight to use the bathroom.
Teach her how to strip the bed etc. Throw the bedding in the wash, and have her put it back on (even if you have to fix it) Have a process for her for when she does wet it so you can hold her accountable to clean things up.

My heart goes out to bedwetters. I can still cry thinking about it.

amother

Green

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 8:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wouldn't worry about the messages you are or aren't sending. I would just do whatever works.

gande

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 8:30 pm

At age 7 a child should have the self respect not to want to b wet. I dont believe she would wet because of the reward. My 7 yr old dd would do anything to be able to stay dry.
She is so proud when she and I make sure to praise her for her effort and it makes her feel so good.

amother

Lavender

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 8:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My reaction too, as someone who suffered this at an age much older than that.

I'm not an expert. Though I think it's a horrible approach. It's sending a message that it's in her control and she should feel guilty for being wet.

I would never do that. How can u reward a child for something out of their control? To me that's like rewarding a child for not catching a virus ever