Accommodations for simcha-so upset!

amother

Puce

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 12:07 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

It's a 10x10. It's basically wall-to-wall mattress.
The door doesnt lock, or even close all the way. And my siblings are young and dont understand the concept of privacy, so they'd be in and out all shabbos, even if I explain to them that they cant.
All of our stuff, clothes, shoes, would have to stay in the car because the closet and drawers in the room are way overpacked, and theres literally no room.
My kids are gonna wake up from the (newborn) baby every 2 hours.
We would be upstairs with my parents and 4 other siblings.
Sharing a bathroom and shower (theres only 1 working shower) with like 10 other people. And I'm postpartum.
All my brothers sleep in the basement, so no moving anyone downstairs. We would also be kicking my 2 sisters out of their own bedroom and into different houses.

Don't tell me I'm being unreasonable.

If she lives in Flatbush, don't u need to sleep by her house Bec of no Eruv situation? Otherwise u wid be stuck in a random strangers home the entire shbbs. Much easier to get a babysitter in ur parents home so u can go to the meals.

amother

Crimson

Fri, Jan 03 2020, 2:12 pm

I'd prefer to stay with my family for one Shabbos.

And if it's so uncomfortable, don't come.

Your mother is making a wedding, give her a break, you should be helping her with things, not the other way around.
I come from a large family and cooked for all my siblings Sheva Brochos and helped in whatever way I could, never expected to be wined or dined.

amother

Lilac

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 8:10 am

Op - what if there aren't enough neighbours willing to give you a room? I expect it isnt easy to find someone with the space and desire to host. If it were so easy, you could find someone on your own, being local and all.
Give your mother a break. Obviously she had to first place the new inlaw family.

And to the past poster whining about being given one tiny room for her family, with no lock. Think about it. Your two sisters are giving up their room! That can't be fun. Your mom is dealing with hosting your whole family, laundry, food, etc. She is doing her best.
I live in a large house and I would not be insulted at all by someone offering me a room full of mattresses. That's what they have to offer. Think of it like fun camping.

You say you want her to offer you to stay at a neighbor's? But you don't want just one room. You need at least two. You really think the neighbours should be clearing out two rooms to host you? Or maybe vacating their whole apartment? Yes, sorry, your mom is right, you are being entitled.

And to the poster who says she installs a new lock every time she comes. Wow. I would be upset if I were your parents. Who wants people drilling into their doors? And what's wrong with sleeping without a lock for a night or two? (Especially if your kids are with you! What privacy do you need?) Sleep clothed with the door closed. Use the bathroom to change clothes. No need to put locks up in other people's homes.

amother

Taupe

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 4:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks for making me feel a bit better!! my mom just started taking care of the accomodations so its not like this is being planned for the past 5 weeks and she forgot about me and I'm waking up now. she was giving me a list of all the ppl she placed and how its working out so well on the first week she is working on it and everyone is basically all set....

my mom DOES NOT expect me to place myself. I know that as a total fact. no way am I missing this simcha whether my mom forgot about me or not. I woudlnt' do that for my sister. my mom does this alot that she like when everyone see how great she is and then neglects her own family but this is the latest thing and I'm really upset. I'm pretty chilled with my mom because getting upset at her helps nothing and if I'd open my mouth I'd never hear the end of how ungrateful I am etc. I just told her-whatever you work out for me I'll deal with. and I will! the wedding is on thurs night so if I have don't have a babysitter etc its going to be a disaster and I'll probably be the only one there with kids and everyone will give me dirty looks but too bad.

It's still upsetting that she didn't really think about me or put thought into making anything work for me before everyone else. or not even before anyone else-jsut WITH everyone else Crying

What don’t you understand? Her priority was to please and impress the new machatonim...her own child she figured will make do.

notshanarishona

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 4:26 pm

I am in shock that people are calling a postpartum nursing mother entitled for not wanting to sleep on a mattress in a room with 5 kids . This is the reason I started making our own yom tov early on . I can't stand being packed into tiny spaces with no privacy and would rather do the work of cooking for our family .

amother

Magenta

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 4:44 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Normally I fully agree with you. We stay home for yom tov. But a simcha is a rare occasion, and a different story.

amother

Lilac

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 9:06 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

I missed the part where she is post partum.
Or maybe I mixed up a few posters.
But really, what is the mother supposed to do if there aren't enough willing neighbours?

Of course, if this is part of a lifelong pattern of neglect and hurt, then obviously it will be taken badly.

Otherwise - I don't see how people expect the mother to magically find places and babysitters for everyone. And if the op is local, why doesn't she find her own babysitter?

Nor do I understand the culture of leaving your kids with a babysitter you or they have never met.

trixx

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 9:20 pm

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

I have a similar situation at my parents. Here are my solutions: Come as rarely as possible. When I have to come I buy a lock for the door and install it on Friday (which is inevitably broken by the next visit, so yes, I know never to come without stopping at the hardware store.) Bring a mirror, paper window shades, and anything I might need. Expect little to no sleep. And then deal with a smile Smile

We are way off topic of op here but - this rlly works
https://www.amazon.com/Addaloc.....6URTY

pgk

Sat, Jan 04 2020, 10:52 pm

OP I really feel for you just playing devils advocate here- if indeed there really are no other available options in the neighborhood do you believe it makes sense for you to take one of the other pre-arranged accommodations and have someone from the other side that this 10x10 room in your parents house???

shanie5

Sun, Jan 05 2020, 5:14 am

pgk wrote:

2 different posters. OP was not offered the 10x10 room, another poster was.