Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Guests
Singles
Previous  1  2



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, Jan 06 2020, 10:09 pm
I would be equally uncomfortable hosting male or female that I don't know unless there were truly separate guest quarters and I never had to interact with them.

Having anybody in my space is not relaxing for me because I don't want to have to deal with people unexpectedly. So long as I know that they can pop up in my kitchen or living room, I am never completely relaxed - doesn't matter what the gender is but probably marginally more comfortable with a woman because at least I wouldn't feel compelled to be completely dressed up.

Hosting people for dinner or inviting them over for afternoon or evening is a completely different experience for me versus having someone who might be in the kitchen when I just want to get my coffee and not deal with anything or anybody except for my nuclear family or relatives who are close enough so that I don't feel compelled to be "social".
Back to top

amother
Wine


 

Post Mon, Jan 06 2020, 10:11 pm
What’s the difference between hosting single friends vs married friends as sleep over coming?
Back to top

amother
Aubergine


 

Post Mon, Jan 06 2020, 10:14 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
We have had single males and single females sleep over/eat meals with us, and (shock and horror) we’ve even had single males and females sleep over at the same time!!


And none of them got pregnant?
To me it sounds as if you are practically running a brothel!

I am joking incase anyone cannot tell.
It is so nice that you open your home and your heart. It is a lot of work having so much company for meals and to sleep. I am sure they all had a wonderful Shabbos filled with warmth and feeling of belonging. Tizku li'mitzvot!
Back to top

Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 06 2020, 10:34 pm
amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:
And none of them got pregnant?
To me it sounds as if you are practically running a brothel!

I am joking incase anyone cannot tell.
It is so nice that you open your home and your heart. It is a lot of work having so much company for meals and to sleep. I am sure they all had a wonderful Shabbos filled with warmth and feeling of belonging. Tizku li'mitzvot!

Well, when I read the first two sentences, I didn’t know you were joking!! BH I read the next paragraph :-)
We don’t ALWAYS have males and females, we usually have males. Occasionally though, we do have single females. I have some friends who are single (mostly divorced, but I think a couple never married) and I like having MY friends come for shabbos as much as my husband likes having HIS friends.
We try to keep our house open and warm, and I hope we are successful.
Back to top

amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Jan 06 2020, 11:03 pm
amother [ Crimson ] wrote:
There are people who don’t host non family members. Especially if they have teenagers at home. Many won’t host for sleeping if the bedrooms are not private. I live in a small apt. I would not host singles for sleeping- not male nor female.


this would be a fair statement if you said you had a small apt and therefore you dont host anyone be it married, single, male, female.. but you would host a married couple and not a single?
that is discrimination.
Back to top

amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Jan 06 2020, 11:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Not at all actually.
I really couldn’t figure out within myself what bothered me about this.
So I came to a place where others could give their opinions, since I was not sure why I felt this way.
And in the past, I have had close friends who are single stay over. Nowhere did I imply all singles are aliens.

I’m sorry it offended you so much.


you yourself said it! In the past you have had single close friends who stayed over and it was fine! so then why was this particular single an issue? your not sure. so you posted here.
you couldnt figure out what was bothering you about this particular single female who you were not so close with. so instead of thinking hmm her personality isnt making me feel so comfortable , instead your first instinctive reaction was to automatically draw the conclusion that all single females are a problem to host. yes, other posters gave you clarity, but dont tell me that wasnt your first instinctive response. im not saying its bad of YOU, Im just saying its sad that our society as a whole has somehow drilled this into our subconsciousness.
singles in our community have enough to deal with.
Back to top

shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 1:39 am
ectomorph wrote:
??? That's not normal
Why ever not? We've also dont this once or twice. Literally nothing happens. In my community, just like ema4, guys and girls mingle and socialize together. Its not a big deal unless one makes it a big deal.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 9:42 am
amother [ Red ] wrote:
you yourself said it! In the past you have had single close friends who stayed over and it was fine! so then why was this particular single an issue? your not sure. so you posted here.
you couldnt figure out what was bothering you about this particular single female who you were not so close with. so instead of thinking hmm her personality isnt making me feel so comfortable , instead your first instinctive reaction was to automatically draw the conclusion that all single females are a problem to host. yes, other posters gave you clarity, but dont tell me that wasnt your first instinctive response. im not saying its bad of YOU, Im just saying its sad that our society as a whole has somehow drilled this into our subconsciousness.
singles in our community have enough to deal with.


No you’re misunderstanding.

Why would I assume all singles are bad if I have singles who come? I.e close female friends...
I generalized my Q so others could answer.

Not explaining myself anymore, but really you’re projecting on me. I didn’t say or mean anything you’re telling me.
Sorry. I’m just not. I didn’t say any of that.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 9:42 am
amother [ Red ] wrote:
this would be a fair statement if you said you had a small apt and therefore you dont host anyone be it married, single, male, female.. but you would host a married couple and not a single?
that is discrimination.


No I didn’t imply I’d host married
I actually never have hosted married
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 07 2020, 9:44 am
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
I would be equally uncomfortable hosting male or female that I don't know unless there were truly separate guest quarters and I never had to interact with them.

Having anybody in my space is not relaxing for me because I don't want to have to deal with people unexpectedly. So long as I know that they can pop up in my kitchen or living room, I am never completely relaxed - doesn't matter what the gender is but probably marginally more comfortable with a woman because at least I wouldn't feel compelled to be completely dressed up.

Hosting people for dinner or inviting them over for afternoon or evening is a completely different experience for me versus having someone who might be in the kitchen when I just want to get my coffee and not deal with anything or anybody except for my nuclear family or relatives who are close enough so that I don't feel compelled to be "social".


Yes so it’s very much so in my space.

We live in small quarters.. guest bathroom is right next to our bedroom door
Guest room only 10ft away

And I agree. I need my space too.
And I also need to know someone to have them sleep in my home.
Back to top
Page 2 of 2 Previous  1  2 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Divorcess and singles want to be invited
by amother
0 Yesterday at 1:31 pm View last post
Support for singles
by amother
0 Sun, Sep 10 2023, 4:42 pm View last post
Jewish action magazine article on singles
by amother
12 Thu, Sep 07 2023, 8:20 am View last post