Overprotective sister in law

banana123

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 3:40 pm

ora_43 wrote:

I mean, if you want to go that route, we don't know if the poster is secretly an atheist man who finds it amusing to mess with frum women.

But assuming for a minute she's not lying, she did say she's pretty sure this has to do with her SIL's own disordered eating.

It would also be beyond strange for someone to have a child who looks starved, refuse offers of food, and not so much as mention that there's a health issue.

Anyway, none of this is really the point. The point is, I mentioned CPS as one of several things that poster (and yes, I realize it's not the OP) could do rather than nothing. Because she said there was nothing she could do and so that she was just going to ignore it.

I did not say that immediately calling CPS is her best bet. Obviously if she doesn't actually know if the underfeeding is deliberate, she should look into that.

But calling CPS is still better than nothing when there's real reason to worry that the alternative is death or permanent brain damage.

I didn't say amother navy isn't for real.

I just said that it's very possible there is an issue which she's not aware of. Would it be strange? I guess. I personally see no reason to hide issues when there are obvious question marks. But given the nature of certain sectors of frum society, it is completely plausible and even probable that there are those who will not discuss any issues regardless of how obvious it is that an issue - whether physiological on the part of the child, or psychological on the part of the parent - exists.

I don't think CPS should've been an option. I think it is too alarming and the adrenaline rush that it brings - especially after so many others said the child is being abused and she must save the child now - may lead to that being the first option the poster tries, instead of a last resort after everything else has been tried. When you throw someone into crisis mode, they respond as if to an immediate crisis/ threat. And that kind of response is very rarely the right one. This kind of situation requires delicacy, research, and weighing the pros and cons of each option. Alarming posts and a suggestion to call CPS can very easily lead to skipping the crucial thinking processes necessary for mature and correct decision making.

#BestBubby

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 5:57 pm

TheNeutralOne wrote:

Where’s the STRONGLY DISAGREE button?
The only thing worse than a helicopter parent is the state stepping in. Foster homes are notorious for all sorts of terrible abuse and neglect, and cps investigations can be nightmarish and do a tremendous amount of harm.

If you followed the child abuse thread you will know I am very anti-cps.

I suggested amother navy contact the grandparents to intervene. Or maybe contact the pediatrician and report that you observed the child only given bottles all day and no food - at 18 months.

But if the none of the above work, must contact CPS. Don't you think an 18 month old child who is not fed (only bottles) and wears clothing for a 6 month old - baby's
LIFE is in danger???? There HAVE been cases of babies who died of starvation because well-meaning parents fed child vegan diets. This is Pikuach Nefesh.

amother

Navy

Thu, Jan 09 2020, 6:15 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I am glad you are following this thread as I could not pm you.

PLEASE get somebody to talk to the parents about feeding the baby. Bottles are
not enough for an 18 m.o. and you said the toddler was wearing clothing for a
6 m.o. Permanent brain damage and even death, ch"v is a risk! You MUST get
help for the baby.

I just realized thats shes more like 20/21 months. My sil was raised this way and she turned out "ok"
My neice is an extremely verbal and active toddler with a big personality. Everyone in my family including my parents are very aware of whats going on.