Not inviting chosson sibilings to shabbos sheva brachos

amother

Lime

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 11:51 am

its tough two families two sets of parents planning and the money and all...hard to understand or imagine until you are zocheh to make a chasuna

I would make no waves and a major effort to be dklz.

hard to say whose idea the no kids thing is and why -- so many factors-- and better not to create any conflict cvs at a sensitive time which this is by definition for everyone.

id make sure with my mother that all the kids have a space and food, even if it means bringing in fries, chik nuggets, sandwiches or whatever, and get a sitter onsite if necessary, the kids do need to eat and have a place to sit and the like.

achdus is key -- IY"H the two families will share many more simchos for many years

mazel tov on the simcha

chestnut

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 11:53 am

Just read more comments. Hello, not all kallah's siblings were invited and you're still asking/upset the chosson's weren't invited?? They're making it homemade in their house - that should give you an idea that they have room and finances limitations. In this light it's understandable that kids aren't invited to sit down for a meal.
Who cares if this is not what you're used to?

happyone

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 12:02 pm

I've heard of this. it may be really hard to find accomodations especially with children and its pricey. My friend with no means invited just parents and singles and made shabbos sheva brachos in her home. she chose that over borrowing or taking tzedaka funds. Marrying off a girl is extremely expensive and not everyone can afford what all the Joneses do.
I thought she deserves credit. if the family wants a reunion , it doesnt need to be on their account.

zaq

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:26 pm

Nobody has a RIGHT to be hosted by anyone else, nobody has a RIGHT to attend SB hosted by someone else, and attending Shabbos SB is not a a mitzvah mideoraita. For that matter, HAVING Shabbos SB isn't an obligation, certainly not the sort of overblown affair that that event, like everything else associated with the simcha industry, has become in recent years. The future machatonim haven't unlimited resources, and their own extended family is quite understandably their priority.

You want your family to get together, host a family get together of your own. You don't have the right to have a family get-together (what? You won't all be at the wedding? What about the aufruf? Aren't you making any sheva brochos? Why does it have to be davka Shabbos sheva brochos?) on the future machatonim's dime. And offering to pay part of the costs doesn't help if there aren't enough accommodations where they live, nor is it of value if they prefer a smaller event than you're envisioning.The person hosting the event has the right to decide how it will go, including putting a cap on the number of people invited.

watergirl

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:36 pm

zaq wrote:

Great post. My heart goes out to the kallah’s family. So much pressure on them. People upset at them. No one is entitled to a nice family get together on someone else’s account. Or to the exclusion of the kallah’s elderly grandparents.

Simple1

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:47 pm

To those who advocate keeping Simchas more affordable, I understand why you think it's a good idea. People should absolutely spend within their means. But in the case of cutting the guest list - only if they are keeping everything in general low key. If they are doing an otherwise expensive Simcha that would defeat the purpose. I'd rather have a bigger guest list so that good friends or relatives don't feel left out - and cut down elsewhere.

happy12

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:34 pm

chestnut wrote:

Your mother should find the sleeping arrangements for all your married siblings and possibly chip in for them (if you suspect it might be the issue)

If it's in the house space is limted. I had this when I made when brachos in my house. I ended up inviting the macheteniste siblings and theirchildren from out of the country instead of my siblings. I had one aunt that was insured but I could not fit more than x people in my house.

happyone

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 5:09 pm

THIS is the reason we do 50/50 for weddings so that we communicate and share the cost of all decided on "necessities" and there are no surprising limitations or expenses. When I had to add additional tables, I added the cost to my bill as it wasnt equal expense . I didn't feel the other side needs to pay for my friends or workmates etc.

As to shabbos? if its home I honestly dont get your question. It's not like you were not invited to some lavish hotel that can accomodate..
if your parents want SB to be moved to a hall or hotel, they should sponsor the cost.
It's not unheard of that the boys side pays if they want something more elaborate than the girl can afford .