S/O Working women collapsing

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 2:42 pm

OP how does it help your situation if now you know others are collapsing too?

Btw the younger people even in Satmar Wmsbg plenty stay working with a couple of kids these days. Times have changed. When we had babies it was the norm to be sahm after first baby, now the norm is you continue to work till you collapse.

Rent for a mousehole is excuberantly high. Many do stay learning past the first year or two...the mentality by the girls changed they say they want learners by shidduchim ( whether it's true or not- so parents look for such shidduchim for them.
Even by the couples where husband does go out to work early on...they still stay working because its impossible with one income.

For the parents to continue to support is also getting harder because expenses are going up but income not so much by that age. Also many still are boring new babies while marrying off or later on.... that means that they also still have to pay tuition and other expenses while the younger set is growing up.

amother

Mustard

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:03 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Just curious, Mama Bear, how do families where the husband is learning or a Rebbe live? I'm guessing you can't live completely on a Rebbe's salary...

I agree that Chassidish women generally don't work full time once they have a few children, but in all the Chassidish families I know where the husband is a Rebbe or similar, the wife is working or they are being supported by family. Am I wrong?

My son's tutor is a rebbe. So many of them do that for a side hustle.

amother

Tan

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:03 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

I am appalled at the Chassidim hatred here.

Who do you think you are!

Yes, you see me sitting in coffee shops once a week.
Yes I wear high end clothes and wheel a bugaboo.
Yes I enjoy my freedom from 10-3 when kids are out.
But my DH works his *ss off and brings in a beautiful income bh.
And that means that I get no help at home from him, because he’s out until some kids are asleep and leaves early morning for davening, shiur and work.
We both work very hard for this arrangement.
But at the end of the day, we live comfortably bh, and yes we do vacation twice a year together.

And YES WE PAY MORE TAXES THAN YOU.
And NO we get no govt aid.

How do you expect Muslims and blacks to like is if you don’t??
Work on your middos all of you judgers.

Telling ppl about working on middos?? You need to also do that because you are judging as well .

Interested how ppl think that "my dh is making a lot of money by but he is always working and I'm by myself !"....

What do you think happens for most of us who cant afford what you can afford and DONT GET GOVMNT AID??? OUR DHS WORK MANY HRS TOO AND WE ARE BY OURSELVES TOO AFTER WE WORKED A FULL DAY while our dhs are working another job in the evening so that we can pay basic Bill's. And, so what if you pay more taxes??? You are judging too if you assume we are all on government programs !! No! We are not!!

Do you think your taxes support ppl? No!! Its all from hashem!! The same torah that says not to judge others( negatively) also says to acknowledge that hashem gives you everything not your dhs hard work.....please get "out of your bubble" and acknowledge the reality which is that most of our dhs work just as many hrs as your dh but just dont make as much money!!! You really think our dhs are home to "help" us???no!! Hashem decideds income for everyone!!

questioner

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:16 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

Who says satmar people don't work? I can count seven people that I know personally that are satmar their husbands are melamdim five of them the wife works The other two have side jobs.

In all honesty the melamdim that I know tend to have more time on their hands. They work 10:00 to 3:00 have a morning job like some work in shul a job after 3:00 ( sales type of work, graphics for the chadder ECT.). Are off when the kids are off. Plus they don't pay tuition, get discounts, have a free bungalow in the Catskills, get nice tips, free lunches and suppers, ECT. Mmmmm maybe my husband should become one, It definitely pays off.

Totally tangential question - does school start at 10AM in chassidish mosdos?

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 4:03 pm

Some lunchers do that because they need to break the day for their toddlers.

They live in tiny apt. Playgroup is mighty expensive. If they don't want to go insane from cleaning up for the 20th time the messes their toddlers created & unpacked all the cabinets for the 5th time...... When there's pressure that everything always needs to be perfect....because your neighbor can literally look into your plate....and you will be judged as not being a balabustes if she knocks on the door to borrow something....then yea...

Everything comes with a tradeoff but it's not as rosy as it seems.....the lunching sahm...

How much does a slice of pizza cost $2-3....its worth it for their sanity...

Mama Bear

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 4:08 pm

I have to concur that times have changed and more young moms continue working until they have too many kids to manage to work and keep their families running. Section 8 is not issuing new vouchers and rent in Wmsbg is through the roof.
As for the question about what time school and cheder starts,
preschool starts at 10. Kitteh alef / 1st grade do start at 9.
So if you still have a preschool child at home, you can't take a job that starts earlier than 9:30 (you can put your kid on the earlier bus).

amother

Yellow

Sat, Jan 11 2020, 6:51 pm

I am chassidish sahm and you might find me eating lunch on my own in pizza store.

Heres the backstory:

No we are not well off. No we are not getting supported.

My husband had lost his job. Then my child was diagnosed with cancer & my husband stayed at his bedside around the clock so he couldn't take a new job.
I was recovering from a traumatic birth & tending to a premie baby who relied solely on me for nutrition so I couldn't be in hospital all the time. I was coming & going.
When my child was not in hospital, he was mostly home last few years & couldn't attend school, so I was tending for him at home. So no job for me.
After being unemployed for over a year my husband took on a new job but he needed flexibility ( couldn't take a clock in job or job that has set hours to be present) so that he can take my child for his outpatient appts. He ended up taking such a type of job, but being that he was new in this field, he started with a begginers pay. So no we don't have money. We can't cover basics.

So why then will you find me eating lunch at cafe? Another secret revealed: I am diabetic.
When I am out doing errands & if I don't eat right away, I feel like I will be falling to the floor. I don't have time to run home because I live far off, so yes I will step in to a store to grab a bite!

Don't think you want to take my entire pkg even if you think I'm so lucky to be lunching away.

Mama Bear

Sat, Jan 11 2020, 9:41 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

Why so late?

I'm not sure, but I think it's probably bc of staggering the bussing. We don't use city bussing but our own busses, so a typical driver has the following routes:
630 am - yeshiva bochurim
730 am - kitteh zayin, ches, tes
8:15 am - kitteh gimel, daled, hey, vav
9 am - kitteh alef and bais
9:30 am - preschool

Wmbg is so big, and preschool gets door to door bussing, and it takes a while to finish the whole route.

amother

Coffee

Sat, Jan 11 2020, 10:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm specifying chassidish women bec their shitta is that the women don't work past 2 kids tops and bec I'm chassidish, I wouldn't compare myself to other sectors, especially non Jewish.

I haven't read through all the responses, but this is the most ridiculous comment I've ever heard. I work in a large office in BP with the majority of the employees being chassidish mothers. We are all working with 4, 5, 6+ kids.

amother

Bronze

Sat, Jan 11 2020, 10:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They're not well off but spend like they are and don't take on any financial responsibilities.

Please don't talk like this, I am chassidish and no I don't spend like I am, and yes I do take on financial responsibility I work long full hours..Please!! Just because you know someone living like that, doesn't mean all chassidish ppl do!!!!!!!!