Nurtured Heart Approach vs The Explosive Child

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:07 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

NHA suggests using neutral observations vs praise for kids who reject praise.

It works wonders! Some children don’t know how to accept compliments but still want to be noticed..

amother

Fri, Jan 10 2020, 3:35 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I will disagree with you

I would ask myself why my kid thinks the only way to communicate with me is tantrums? No kid wants to throw one. My 9 year old loses control of himself and feels horrible afterwards. It does not feel good at all. He wants to communicate like a mentch but there are lagging skills that often get in the way. You can teach your kid those skills that he is missing and raise a well adjusted adult or you can punish them and ignore the fact that they lack the ability to communicate their needs and you raise an adult with significant difficulties. I call it short term parenting vs long term.

So excuse my ignorance... HOW do I figure out exactly which skills the child is lagging in that is causing such tumultuous behaviors. Usually it goes a lot deeper than ‘oh he just needs to learn he can’t always win the game...’ It can be a host of things. Like language related, sensory sensitivities, emotional issues, dysregulation, defiance disorder, and the list goes on and on and on.. I’ve been to pyschologist and neurologists and still don’t have an ounce of clarity!!! Turned to books for now but I know it’s not really the whole answer..
Mha3484 you seem like a very educated and experienced mom.

mha3484

Mon, Jan 13 2020, 11:02 am

I found this to be very helpful.

https://www.livesinthebalance......7.pdf

You can fill this out no matter what parenting method you use. It just helps clarify your thoughts. It will be really overwhelming when you check off a lot of the boxes and then feel like your kid is doomed for life. I am a very practical person so for me it helped me feel hopeful like here is what we need to work on but most people are not like me and find it overwhelming to see a page of their kids flaws.

Some of my sons issues have greatly benefited from therapy, some we have been able to work through at home, others needed meds. We did a brief period where he did half days at a theraputic school.I have tried a lot of things. I also resisted a full neuropsych eval in the beginning and when we did finally do one, it gave me a lot of clarity in what makes my son tick.

#BestBubby

Mon, Jan 13 2020, 12:29 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

So the question would be, what skills does this child need to learn to communicate more effectively and/or handle disappointment? Eliminating negative behaviors doesn't mean the child will automatically start implementing positive behaviors.

You teach your child the art of negotiating RESPECTFULLY - offering a compromise, addressing the concerns of the parents, etc. Use puppets, dolls to
act out (model) respectful negotiation.