Picking a Beis Yaakov high school

amother

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 7:49 am

There are two high schools we're looking at. (Greater Jerusalem area)

School 1) the chinuch and hashkafa are 10000% perfect. We couldn't ask for more. But they tend to get more girls who push the boundaries - secret phones and social media accounts, dressing inappropriately after hours, hanging out in town. The school knows about it and tries to work with those girls.

Also -and I hate to admit that this matters to me, but - school 1 doesnt have a chashuva name. As an American trying to be accepted here, the name matters a little.

or

School 2) the chinuch and hashkafa are a little more rigid than we would like, but fine, similar to the BY elementary we're in now. And yes, they get their share of girls breaking rules in the same way... but a lot fewer of them (it's also much bigger, so it's a smaller % who misbehave). The school rarely knows about it but just kicks them out if they are found out (but they often arent found out at all). Much mroe chashuve name also.

My daughter is NOT a rule breaker. Independent thinker, yes. Wishes we would let her watch movies, sure. But she's a solid, good kid with no yetzer hara to misbehave (may it continue, amen).

What would you do?

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 8:10 am

so tricky

do you know girls who have attended both?

do you know parents who have had girls at both?

it always look different from the inside -- and ime looks more rigid from the outside

does your daughter have an opinion on it? Does she have friends going to either / both?

can you be aligned with the rules of the second one so home and school are in sync/compatible?

In general, particularly when it comes to high school, I saw that it was very important the general behavior of the girls and given what little you have written I would go with the second school. (There is a general trajectory for the kids too which sometimes is not apparent or an issue until the second two years and boundary pushing can increase with each year. )Not out of a concern for the name but rather for concern about the influences and environment for my daughter. Id be very concerned about the hanging out, social media, boundary pushing and the like. And want my daughter to continue to succeed socially in a positive environment. It sounds like school 2 is a continuation of what has worked well for you so far so Id continue on that path.
So important to do all possible to keep the kids in a healthy group of friends and healthy path. No guarantees. We do our hishtadlus and up to Hashem.

hatzlocha with whatever you decide

Elfrida

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 8:21 am

Getting accepted to tichon is not always so easy. If you can, I would say apply to both and daven she she gets accepted to the place where she is best able to thrive.

A school with a good reputation won't help her if she doesn't fit in, or if she is someone who gets lost in the crowd. In either school, so much will depend on the friends that she is going to make.

I like the sound of a school that will admit to a problem and work with it better than one than denies any problems exist, and throw out any girls who don't fit perfectly. It says a lot about how they generally relate to the girls.

If she gets accepted to both, you can make your decision. You might have more information in which to base a decision by then.

Last edited by Elfrida on Wed, Jan 15 2020, 8:26 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Jan 15 2020, 8:26 am

Thank you for your comments.

She has friends going to both.

She vacillates which she would prefer.

School 2 has unofficially accepted us, really wants us.

School 1 I will find out soon if they want us.

SO STRESSFUL.