Is this normal ? | Imamother

amother

Sienna

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 5:43 pm

It’s weird that they changed the layout of the beds and didn’t put it back. That’s what’s weird. Not the actual putting them together

amother

Wheat

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 5:55 pm

It would make me feel uncomfortable if I were at that table. Its rude and immature to be doing that in public in my opinion. The bed thing is fine but obviously should've moved them back afterwards.

amother

Denim

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My BIL and SIL got married a little less than a year ago . They are much more touchy feely than is common in our circle . Dh and I will not touch at all in public for example and they will lay on each others laps (head on lap) in the living room with others there.
They came to us for shabbos and our guest room has the typical two twin beds a few feet apart. After shabbos when I went to clean up I saw they had pushed the beds together and left it like that... I was weirded out. Is it just me ?

Frum people are not supposed to be affectionate in public as it can cause lewd thoughts in others which is a sin. It’s inappropriate.

trixx

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:23 pm

I agree with op, it's weird, at least move the beds back. I was also taught better to not use someone else's linen (idk if that's a chumra or sensitivity)

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:25 pm

trixx wrote:

I agree with op, it's weird, at least move the beds back. I was also taught better to not use someone else's linen (idk if that's a chumra or sensitivity)

The beds being together doesn't indicate that they were intimate. People actually sleep together. By sleep I mean actually sleep.

amother

Puce

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:26 pm

Im considered pretty yeshivish. Sometimes when I'm a guest (idk why but only at family members houses) I'll push the beds together because I like cuddling with dh right before I go to sleep. I don't think I'd ever have sx at others houses though. And I always push the beds back to their original locations.

asmileaday

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:26 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Frum people are not supposed to be affectionate in public as it can cause lewd thoughts in others which is a sin. It’s inappropriate.

I'm not sure why this post is such a turnoff for me.

We are ok with pda in our home. Our children don't blink an eye they're used to it. We are an affectionate family in general.

What I think is weird about op's newlywed guest is that you gotta know your surroundings. You edit yourself to some extent based on where you are.

I would never give a quick hug to dh in my in-laws house. That would be scandalous. I have no issue doing that though in my sil's house who keeps the same pda standards we do.

Op if it's not acceptable in your home I'd assume they know that. Your feelings are valid. They just sound immature.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:27 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

The beds being together doesn't indicate that they were intimate. People actually sleep together. By sleep I mean actually sleep.

this. The guests I have that do this are actually a bit more heavy set and I guess they are used to wider beds. When they put the two beds together it makes the bed feel wider somehow. It does not mean they did the deed.

tryinghard

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 6:51 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Frum people are not supposed to be affectionate in public as it can cause lewd thoughts in others which is a sin. It’s inappropriate.

Ummmm no. PDA is a problem in and of itself: the marital physical relationship is sacrosanct and PRIVATE. Not because of what other people will think. If we start worrying about other people and their lewd thoughts, maybe we shouldn’t have a Yichud room! They see the chassan and kallah go in together, smirk smirk.

As for the beds, many couples like to sleep right next to each other - even fully clothed!

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 7:16 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Frum people are not supposed to be affectionate in public as it can cause lewd thoughts in others which is a sin. It’s inappropriate.

This is absolutely NOT the reason we shouldn't be affectionate in public. We shouldn't do PDA because it is private and not tzenuis and should be done behind closed doors.

watergirl

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 7:26 pm

Re: not moving the beds back. We have an obligation to be DLKZ and to assume the best. Cant you imagine their conversation on the drive home? Shabbos was nice, company was great, “oh and Shloimy, you put the beds back, right?” “No Malka! I thought you did!” Etc.

Why does everyone always assume the worst? Be charitable in our thoughts. It can never hurt.

amother

Gold

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 9:32 pm

I love to sleep with DH but I’m always afraid to move the beds in someone’s house. And often they are heavy or you would hear the squeaking in the whole house. We often squish together in one twin bed and steal both blankets lol. We are both skinny but it’s still squishy

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 10:31 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

This is absolutely NOT the reason we shouldn't be affectionate in public. We shouldn't do PDA because it is private and not tzenuis and should be done behind closed doors.

Kitzur shulchan aruch absolutely does say that the reason is so as not to cause others to have lewd thoughts regarding your wife.

trixx

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 10:57 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

The beds being together doesn't indicate that they were intimate. People actually sleep together. By sleep I mean actually sleep.

Fine but common sense is leave the room how you find out. No? Not common? You're a guest, if you move stuff around you should leave no evidence.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 11:12 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Kitzur shulchan aruch absolutely does say that the reason is so as not to cause others to have lewd thoughts regarding your wife.

Oh wow, this is new information. Why aren't we taught this???

amother

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 11:16 pm

Yes, I realize they’re married and they want to cuddle or lay near each other or gasp even be intimate . But I don’t need to know about it.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jan 16 2020, 11:19 pm

It is weird and rude to move around furniture when you're a guest at someone's house. At least have the decency to move it back. But this couple doesn't seem to know there's a world besides them....

amother

Taupe

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:29 am

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

Oh wow, this is new information. Why aren't we taught this???

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it says somewhere that Chava was checking Adam's hair for lice on her lap and it was okay because in Olam Haba (or wherever they were) people don't have inappropriate thoughts.

amother

Silver

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:37 am

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

It is weird and rude to move around furniture when you're a guest at someone's house. At least have the decency to move it back. But this couple doesn't seem to know there's a world besides them....

This. Its not so much the beds as moving things in the guest room. Super weird to move furniture around and NOT move it back.

Rappel

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:40 am

They'll chill out after the first year. I wouldn't worry about the health of their relationship. They sound very excited to be around each other, and that's good at this stage