It’s “gentle parenting “ a realistic approach ?

#BestBubby

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:13 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Waaaaaaay better than today's Millennial generation. Dr. Spock was actually the beginning of the "gentle parenting" movement which gets more extreme all the time.

The internet is full of information on this trend, called Failure to Launch Syndrome. Failure to Launch Syndrome is characterized by low levels of motivation, poor work ethic, lack of vision for the future, inability or unwillingness to take responsibility when appropriate, and an inability to manage daily household chores or tasks of daily living. Failure to Launch syndrome has been the topic of many recent news stories and was even featured in the 2006 film “Failure to Launch”, starring Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker.

The prevalence of Failure to Launch syndrome in the US is striking. According to a 2013 Pew Research Center report of the US Census Bureau, 36% of Millennials (Young Adults ages 18-31) are living in their parent’s home.

https://www.cottonwooddetucson.....aunch

mommy201

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:13 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Waaaaaaay better than today's Millennial generation. Dr. Spock was actually the beginning of the "gentle parenting" movement which gets more extreme all the time.

I think I’ve once told this to you in a different thread. The millennials are the children of the 1950/60 parents. When the parenting way was tough and whipping kids into shape. These children are the kids with issues - the ones you are talking about - from being dealt with harshly and no self regulation taught

It’s the millennials themselves who are changing (some of them) to gentle parenting, and you don’t know how they’re kids are turning out since they are kids and teens now. So I’m not sure what your basing your statistics on.

Last edited by mommy201 on Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

mommy201

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:18 pm

Zehava wrote:

I am not her I assure you
She doesn’t do consequences. Like ever. And there are other areas I disagree with her. Also, I’d never be arrogant enough to tell anyone to do what I’m doing. Every person is different and their struggles are different.

Oh trust me I know you aren’t. Lol. Just some of your ideas are very in line with hers.

I think it may be touching on arrogance to call someone arrogant, someone who you don’t even know...
she is the least arrogant person I know, and absolutely does not tell people what to do. I’m not sure which info you got from her but it doesn’t sound like what I know or others here. People come to her to learn and grow.

And your wrong about the consequences to. I can’t keep explaining myself over - getting to close to shabbos....

Last edited by mommy201 on Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:20 pm; edited 1 time in total

#BestBubby

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:20 pm

mommy201 wrote:

I think I’ve once told this to you in a different thread. The millennials are the children of the 1950/60 parents. When the parenting way was touch and whipping kids into shape. These children are the kids with issues - the ones you are talking about - from being dealt with harshly and no self regulation taught

It’s the millennials themselves who are changing (some of them) to gentle parenting, and you don’t know how they’re kids are turning out since they are kids and teens now. So I’m not sure what your basing your statistics on.

Millennials were raised by parents who didn't/rarely spank. The gentle parenting movement started in the 1950s and the Millennials were born 1980-2000 when the parents should never spank or punish movement was in full swing.

mommy201

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:21 pm

Zehava wrote:

Not at all
For me, I think, telling others how to parent would be arrogant.
I imagine, hope, that anyone who gives a class does a ton of research or maybe has a degree. And even then there’s no way it will work for everyone. It’s a big responsibility.

She actually does more then a ton of research. Like all day and she does have a degree - does that make her less arrogant now?

mommy201

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:23 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I don't know. Years ago parents did not have these problems. Children were taught that when Mother says it's time for supper, homework, bath, etc. you listened.

Gentle parenting is giving kids a five minute heads up to help them transition.

Yeah the kids didn’t have the problems, the problems only manifested when they got older and were on a much larger scale then.

mommy201

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:28 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Disagree with that. Post war ppl were very closed emotionally and the whole ineffective spanking movement started within last 15 years. I would say that most typical millennials on this thread were raised by parents who followed more old style parenting methods.

Maybe the movement began in the 1950s, but the real movement began in the 21st Century

Signing off now- have a good shabbos.

Zehava

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:41 pm

mommy201 wrote:

Like I said before
It would be arrogant of ME to tell others how to parent.
And I’m basing these off her Instagram posts and videos.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 3:58 pm

This thread is bothering me a lot.
I apologize bestbubby and anyone else if I wasn’t ok in posting to you- it wasn’t ok
And I think everyone should be respectful to others as well- even the arrogant among us deserve it. This isn’t feeling right

pizza4

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:21 pm

I'm actually enjoying the back and forth discussion. Everyone seems to be trying to understand a different way as opposed to their way. It makes you think, what's so good about what I believe anyway?
Not that I see anyone changing their minds...
One thing that's bothering me here is the constant reference to blimy Heller. Yes shes amazing and all, but this isn't about her. It's about an approach, which she happens to teach. It's a new kind of course in the heimish world, but she did not invent gentle parenting.
Have a wonderful shabbos!

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:22 pm

pizza4 wrote:

Yup
That’s what’s bothering me
Can we stick with methods rather than people?

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jan 17 2020, 4:31 pm

Zehava wrote:

This thread actually got me thinking a lot, clarify my parenting “philosophy” to myself, and I also got loads of validation which feels really good. So thank you!

Validation feels good
I just don’t want anyone out there getting hurt

amother

cornflower

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 6:23 pm

blimie definitely did not invent gentle parenting lol! I agree that while her name deserves a place in this discussion, as she has a big part of bringing this information to our communities, she is not the end all be all! It’s a worthwhile discussion in any case.

Zehava

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 7:36 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

Validation feels good
I just don’t want anyone out there getting hurt

(Please read this in a very “gentle” voice)
You do know you can’t prevent anyone out there from getting hurt.
If you think you may hurt someone with your words then you can refrain from expressing them. Everything else is out of your hands.

amother

Orchid

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 7:38 pm

Zehava wrote:

sneakermom

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 8:09 pm

pizza4 wrote:

That’s exactly how I feel. And when people keep quoting a guru instead of having a discussion it unnerves me. Makes me feel like nobody thinks independently.

amother

Jetblack

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 9:14 pm

This conversation was actually very helpful to me in many ways. It spurned me to research different parenting methodologies. In addition to that, Ive been motivated to read 2 parenting books over Shabbos that have been laying around here for a while. It seems gentle parenting is the ‘new kid on the block’ so to speak like pizza4 wrote.
Zehava, question for you because my son fits the description of the child in your poems. What would would recommend for a mom that DOES need guidance with her intense child??

#BestBubby

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 9:19 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

It's OK. I enjoy the debate.

Zehava

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 10:04 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Hard to say
What do you need guidance with? Your general parenting approach? Your triggers? Are you worried about the child themselves?
I find that different approaches work for different people. You really have work according to your own temperament/triggers. Parenting shouldn’t be a daily struggle.
I find every method to have positives and negatives.
So whatever you try, do not leave your brain at the door, and if it doesn’t feel right walk out the door.
And if you’re very worried about your child I’d recommend an evaluation. It can’t hurt.