Am I unrealistic | Imamother

amother

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 7:35 pm

my baby 21 months annoyingly asked my husband for something from the pantry. he told her only if she sits nice. he sat her on a regular kitchen chair and then proceeded to get food from the pantry in the me time she turned around to look after him and fell backwards falling off the chair. she normally should be in a high chair ... instead of picking her up n kissing her he said "very good, now you'll learn" all of this in front of my parents.... I think He came across as a cruel heartless father.. you would think she has sechel and understands things and it's not like he even had an arguement with her about sitting the correct way. he out her to sit because he ddnt want her walking around w food and getting the house dirty... a 21 month old doesnt have sechel that if u sit a certain way or turn around you can fall backwards I'm so angry and bothered. he feels he wants to let things happen so she behaves. why go the hard way?! I need validation now

Zehava

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 7:40 pm

Even if she had been a five year old who knows better, saying “very good now you’ll learn” negates the entire effect of the learning.
21 months old is a baby.
That said, he is her father. Unless there is a pattern of abuse, you have to let him figure it out.

amother

Red

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 7:47 pm

I'm sorry this happened, OP.

My question is, is there any other reason to think that he is an uncaring parent? How is his relationship with your daughter in general?

Sometimes, even with little kids, a natural consequence is the best way for them to learn, especially if the child is okay.

sneakermom

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 8:16 pm

Most people unconsciously repeat stuff they were raised with.

I would have a conversation with him, without judgment or blame. Just kind of explaining what bothered you about it, how your child felt, and the affect it has on the child.

I would also maybe watch some parenting experts or consult one with him. As your child grows for sure.

amother

Crimson

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 8:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

my baby 21 months annoyingly asked my husband for something

Maybe you and "cruel and heartless" dh deserve eachother...

amother

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 9:05 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Maybe you and "cruel and heartless" dh deserve eachother...

I said annoyingly to point out he annoyed her with how she begged n asked for something from the pantry. cookies. and maybe because of his agitation he responded the way he did

amother

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 9:07 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

This is how many fathers parent.

You should tell him babies belong in a high chair - falls can be dangerous.

normally shes in a high chair. it was like for a small peice of cookie he was going to be with her . she fell for normal reasons. baby in a chair. I guess it botheres him and bcz of his mood he responded like thay6. it's not the first time he says such things like let her do it so she falls n hurts herself so she leaned. who purposely wants their child to get hurt?!

amother

Sat, Jan 18 2020, 9:11 pm

sneakermom wrote:

this was my first response that your father prolly did the same I will not tolerate it. she needs sympathy when she falls shes a baby!!

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 3:56 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Maybe you and "cruel and heartless" dh deserve eachother...

A person who responds like this should not be adding to this thread.... And neither should your "likes". How mean can you get?

amother

Beige

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 4:13 am

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

A person who responds like this should not be adding to this thread.... And neither should your "likes". How mean can you get?

👍

amother

Beige

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 4:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Some people think it's the best way to grow..he is not the only one !
But it's really not a good method!!
You need to have goods discussiond about education .do it together.
without yours parents or you dd around ...(Takes time to be on the same boat ....)

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 6:53 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Maybe you and "cruel and heartless" dh deserve eachother...

Oh, for God's sake! Why oh why must you be so mean?? Are you getting satisfaction out of this? Toddlers kvetching and nudging can be sooooo annoying and you know it! Come on!
OP, it's normal for toddlers to take normal falls, don't eat yourself up over this. Saying now you'll learn, is probably how DH was brought up and he's just repeating. Because by toddlers falling or getting hurt, is truly how they learn. It's part of growing up. It doesn't mean that he purposely wants her to get hurt. I'm more wary of leaving a child in a high chair than on a chair.

Rappel

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:26 am

DH is definitely of the "let them learn from experience" camp. Sometimes his expectations are unrealistic, because he had very little experience with little children, but he does love his kids, and wants the best for them. Our parenting styles moderate each other, and I do think our kids are more capable thanks to his influence.

If we were in that situation, I would probably ask him if we could go discuss something privately, and we'd discuss the scenario and what we each thought of it. If we couldn't go away at that moment, then I'd just smooth things over then, and bring it up later. It's important to make your child feel safe and loved, and one piece of that is showing you love and support your husband (and vice versa).