Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
8 year old being mechalel Shobbas
Previous  1  2



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Crimson


 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:06 am
itsmeima wrote:
Personally I’d say “ oh no, I’m so sorry, it looks like you forgot it was Shabbos, it’s okay, that happens. I once forgot it was Shabbos and closed my alarm clock. I told Hashem I’m sorry. Hashem understands that we are human and make mistakes sometimes, it’s okay! Want me to read you a story?”

Cool mom!
Back to top

moonstone




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:13 am
ectomorph wrote:
I would be concerned about the general sneakiness. She should be in therapy.

.


Therapy??? What??
Back to top

amother
Crimson


 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:22 am
moonstone wrote:
Therapy??? What??

I’m all for therapy- in therapy myself... but come on!
Hey- it’s not a bad idea mom- maybe you should have someone (not necessarily a therapist) to help guide you/explore your strong feelings?
Back to top

amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I walked into my eight year old daughter's room and found her coloring with markers on Shobbas. Apparently, I found out, this was not the first time she's done it. I told her it was wrong and that she could not be in her room by herself
Should I have had a stronger reaction? How concerned should I be? Yes, she's eight, but she knows better so is this a slippery slope? She also refuses to daven and I think just pretends to bentch. Sneaky behavior is not unusual for her.


Chill.

She’s not breaking Shabbat, because she’s not yet obligated. And it’s not unusual for an 8 year old, who is still dealing with impulse control, to do things she knows are wrong. Or to forget. You’re pathologizing normal behaviors.

Don’t accuse her of being sneaky. That’s a judgment of her, not her actions. Don’t tell her she can’t be left alone. That’s also a judgment of her. Tell her that you know how much fun coloring is, and that it’s hard not to do fun things on Shabbat. Think about other fun things you can do on Shabbat, together. Then, next week, ask her to help you to out away her markers, so they’re not so tempting, then reward her with something small to play with on Shabbat, a puzzle, game, or even a set of jacks (do they even make jacks any more?).
Back to top

amother
Sienna


 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:16 pm
amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:
This sounds like she may have told ADHD. Coloring on Shabbos seems like it's coming from a lack of impulse control. And having a hard time davening is a classic sign too. I was very similar to this at this age and so is dd. While coloring on Shabbos wasn't the issue for me, taking and stealing food was. And eating milchigs after fleishigs. When I got caught by my mother, she made me correct the wrong doing if necessary, but she remained calm. She knew I would outgrow it, and I did.
Regarding davening, if you suspect that ADHD is a factor here, don't push it. She is likely doing the best she can. She may never become the best davener, and that's ok. Medication would probably help for this, but if she's doing ok otherwise, this one issue side not warrant it. I am still not the best davener, and I still sometimes lose concentration during benching, but I'm a very frum woman who has and works on a good relationship with Hashem.


I can’t make any assumptions on adhd about OP’s child but my 7yo with adhd occasionally does muktzah stuff. Either out of forgetfulness or due to lack of impulse control. Was much worse but slowly improving over time as he’s maturing.
Back to top

amother
Blue


 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:46 pm
I would pretend I don’t notice until Age 9. Once she hits 9 I would probably do / say something.
Back to top

amother
Gray


 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 10:22 pm
I would explain to her the meaning of shabbos and how it's a special gift Hashem gave us. We r so lucky he chose us as His chosen nation. Explain to her about muktzah and explain that Hashem sees everything u cant hide from Him. You can explain the concept of שכר וענש. And how serious it is to break shabbos. And let her no that ure not upset at her for ureself u love her and u care for her and u want her in a good place with Hashem and just to be rewarded. The harder it is the more rewarded u will be......
Back to top

amother
Gray


 

Post Sun, Jan 19 2020, 10:25 pm
Show her the beauty of shabbos! The more she sees how much u appreciate love and cherish shabbos the more closer she will feel towards. If she sees u bench with mo interest it will have negative effect. If u show her u feel so proud to be able to talk and connect to Hashem it will IYH have a great impact on her. It's so important to show our children the beauty of yiddishkeit
Back to top
Page 2 of 2 Previous  1  2 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
[ Poll ] S/o of $40k is $150k a year enough to get by?
by amother
25 Today at 10:47 am View last post
Smelly feet - 10 year old girl
by amother
4 Yesterday at 9:45 pm View last post
10 year old isn't emotionally regulated
by amother
23 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 2:47 pm View last post
by keym
My almost 10 year old still wetting her bed
by amother
4 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 1:18 pm View last post
Sneakers for 10 year old girl with narrow feet
by amother
7 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 12:42 pm View last post