How to tell if I'm paranoid or on to something?

amother

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 12:44 am

DD (middle elementary grade) started writing secretively in a notebook and said it's her homework to write a letter to her teacher daily. It seems a little strange to me. She didn't say it's a journal -specifically letters to the teacher. DD tends to enjoy being private about things in general (I've had her resist showing me regular assignments at times, in addition to personal journals and the like.) I have had a very good relationship with DD in the past but have felt shakier in recent months as she's become more preteen-ish. She also tends to be kind of needy in some ways.

Am I right to activate my parent-radar and question the appropriateness of this level of interaction with the teacher, or am I being totally paranoid? In theory I'm a huge believer in respecting kids' privacy but I also really want to check in on this notebook... How else can I make sure she's in a normal safety zone? I do plan to ask the teacher about the nature of this "assignment" and whether anyone else is participating (I get the idea that it isn't class-wide though I can't be sure. But it's a large class, even with a young unmarried teacher how can she have time for 30 daily letters?) Any tips for approaching this conversation so it is helpful and doesn't backfire?

Rationally I think it's probably very innocent but on a gut level I still have a lot of what ifs.

groisamomma

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 12:52 am

As a teacher, I know of teachers that were put in uncomfortable situations because of young students that wrote them private "letters" which contained things they should not have known about. Always best to ask who initiated and what is the purpose of the assignment to ascertain what the goal here is. Sometimes a child this age becomes I infatuated with a dynamic teacher and will write anything in those letters to get her attention. Other times it may be a legitimate cry for help.

I would approach the teacher as soon as possible with some basic questions:

Can you please elaborate on this assignment? DD seems very excited about it. What are the expectations? How often are these assignments due?

If you get the feeling it wasn't initiated by the teacher then you deal with DD's needs by working with the teacher...much longer post.

I would say trust your gut and ask ask ask. If the teacher seems evasive then I'd say approach the principal for clarity or have a third party talk to DD about it.

trixx

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 2:50 am

It sounds weird to me. Teacher should have informed parents before creating the assignment or if it's innocent, have no problem turning over the notebook to a parent (could you tell if pages are ripped out?)
But also could it just be your secretive dd making it into a bigger deal than it really is?