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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 5:57 pm

My almost 4 year old has been complaining for the past week that she doesn't want to go to gan. Fusses about it at bedtime and has tantrums in the morning. Cries when she gets there and today started running in the other direction when arrived.

This is a kid who has been going out happily every morning for the past three years without EVER making a fuss. However, she was ill with flu over a month ago and I still find she isn't completely back to herself (tired, not eating so well) so maybe that's also an important point.

She isn't very mature in the way she expresses herself so it's hard to get information from her. Every time I ask her why she doesn't want to go it's just 'I don't like gan', 'I just want to go to a different gan' etc. I kept asking her for a reason and one night she said 'Morah said we're big girls and so we can't cry. She told me I had to go outside because I was crying.'

Outside, meaning in the cold. Their gan is one big room with their own private playground at the back.

I called her morah and she said 'Oh a girl in the gan mentioned to her when she was crying that she's going to have to go in the chatzer if she cries so that's probably what she was referring to. The kids sometimes make these comments like telling others they're going to put the in the garbage can etc.' We then discussed ideas of how to make my daughter happy, things she can bring to gan etc.

Does it make sense that my daughter really believes it happened just from a kid mentioning it?? (I asked her details and she was positive it happened, answering questions on the incident like saying she was by herself, door was closed, it was without a coat etc.)

Sebastian

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 6:00 pm

Can you randomly pop in to check in on her during the day?

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 7:46 pm

Kids have a lot of imagination, it's totally possible that she imagined it happened.
But ...she seems pretty traumatized by the idea of being sent out, and why was she crying in the first place?
You have to find out why! Maybe morah can give her special attention? Make a big deal about being happy to see her when she comes.
Once they have a bad attitude towards gan is hard to change their mind. Make a chart and offer a prize(bribe?) when she goes nicely with a smile!

amother

Lime

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 7:49 pm

I’d think the Morah, not a kid, threatened to put her outside if she cries, and she’s already imagining it as if it happened.

amother

Lime

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 7:49 pm

I’d call a mother in the class and ask her to ask her daughter if such a thing ever happened in the class.
I do that sometimes when my kids don’t wanna tell the truth.

amother

Silver

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 7:52 pm

Please believe in your child. If not you then who will????
I kept my child home in the summer after child told me Morah patched him on his face and showed me how.
Child cried every morning going there but I thought it was childs first time out so that’s why. But this child has been to two other places since and loves school so even though the Morah denied it I totally believe my 2 year old.
Why would you think a Morah would admit to locking a child outside?? She would lose all her customers that way!!

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jan 20 2020, 10:40 pm

Im sorry but thats a major red flag in my eyes.. you know your daughter best if shes the type to go happily to playgroup and now shes asking to go somewhere else believe her.. I had same story with my daughter we would pull into the morahs parking lot and she would tantrum and scream the whole way.. until one day the morah had a sub cuz she had to go out of town and she asked me if she can pay me to keep her home so it wont be hard on my kid and the sub from there I understood something is off and that was the last time I ever sent there!

groisamomma

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 1:28 am

People here are making excellent points. Your kid's story never changed and she has no real reason to lie. Did her imaginings ever get in the way of her life in other areas? No? Then trust your gut that either Morah threatened or she actually did put her outside. The Morah is banking on your uncertainty because you acknowledge that she's immature and was recently not feeling like herself. Best to call a different mother and explain. Her child can clarify this for you.

(OT, but why don't my kids ever threaten to put each other in the garbage can? So weird.)

trixx

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 2:56 am

This being Imamother I'm surprised no one said pandas re her behavior change lol.

But seriously those are pretty strong indicators of something off. Would dd share more in play like with a dollhouse or drawing a picture for you? Does she have such a vivid imagination that she can create an entire story from one comment from a peer? (sounds unlikely)

Btw I wouldn't be too happy with a Morah who says a 4 year old can't cry. Kids are allowed to cry. We can't listen to kvetching or whining but it's not 1990 anymore, feelings are OK.

amother

Gray

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 8:13 am

Very hard to know. I don't think she was intentionally lying, but at this age it's very normal for kids to get so caught up in something that happens in their imagination that they actually believe it really happened. I would keep my antennae way way up.

mfb

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 8:22 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Don’t think a 4 year old would think a teacher would put her outside for crying unless it was done or threatened!!
Where would she get such an idea from?

lcraighten

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 9:24 am

Listen to your daughter. Even if she is imagining it she is unhappy! Either try to work with the teacher to assuage her fears or perhaps switch her. It's important that she is happy in school and feels that you have her back.

amother

Gray

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 9:54 am

mfb wrote:

Don’t think a 4 year old would think a teacher would put her outside for crying unless it was done or threatened!!
Where would she get such an idea from?

My very bright and mature five year old believes some of the craziest things that her friends tell her. One friend in particular is always scaring her with those types of things and they have no basis whatsoever (if you don't play with me now, my mommy will come in the middle of the night and chop your finger off).

mfb

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 9:56 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

She believes but she doesn’t say her friends mother came in middle of the night.
Big difference!!!!!

notshanarishona

Tue, Jan 21 2020, 10:08 am

Does the gannenet have a supervisor ? Can you speak to other parents ? I wouldn't pull her out tomorrow but I would definitely look into it . Also tell your daughter momm told morah not to make you go outside yourself. Morah knows that because mommy spoke to her. Morah won't do it again. And if the complaint resurfaces then I would pull . You talking to morah will hopefully also help .

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