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What do u think is easier
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 5:14 am
Dreaming of maids doesnt solve the fact women have it harder - because the maids are women! So it just moves some of women's work to another woman.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 5:19 am
I prefer being a woman to a man but it's very hard and man just has it harder daily while women have it harder when childbearing.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 7:00 am
Much harder to be a woman. I am still very happy to be one. I would NEVER want to be a man.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 7:23 am
Being that I make more income than he does , and it seems to me like davening with a minyan is way easier than getting the kids ready for school or feeding them supper, etc. I would say many men definitely have it easier than us.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 7:34 am
Feeding wise I just put the food on the table. For babies I'm into letting them feed themselves child led weaning. The morning, yah that's hardcore but in my planet many men do it as... they need t obe up anyway for minyan LOL (and work). KNowing myself... I wouldn't be able to commit to three times a day finding a shul. Not that davening in his head is wrong
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 7:58 am
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
j

That's not why I said you sound misogynistic. No woman wants her sons to suffer.

You sounded misogynistic because it seems you view women as evil and scheming. You didn't say in SOME cases a woman might take advantage of her ex in court. You made it sound like that's what's usually done.
You also said that women 'take the kids' in court. IMO, women getting more custody is only fair - they carry the pregnancy, they give birth, and they usually do more of the taking care of children. It would be unfair to then give a father full custody (unless the woman is unfit).
Yes, IMO things are not equal, and since most women sacrifice so much more for parenthood, they deserve more rights with the kids (of course fathers should have frequent visitation/partial custody, but I am not a fan of splitting custody 50/50).

I don't view ALL women as evil and scheming any more than I view ALL men as evil and scheming. I just happen to know 4-5 women who cheated, some of the husbands have it on film, and in all cases when there were children (one of the couples didn't have yet) this is what the wife did. Not saying it's all women but I think it's fair to say that it is a nice number of women who cheat, which is the group I was discussing. (I also know a couple women whose husbands cheated on them, and the women in both groups - cheater and victim - got the same treatment, as did the men in both groups. Not fair. Treat all cheaters alike and all victims alike.)

BTW I know abusive women who the children beg to go to their fathers but the mother has sole custody and doesn't allow it.

Would you say it's fair for the mother to get sole or primary custody if the father was a SAHD and the mother worked 60 hours a week? I know of (in this case not personally but everyone in the community knows who works longer hours and who stays home) at least 2 families where that happened, dad was home and mom got custody with dad only getting a couple hours visitation a week. No good reason for it, other than gender.

I don't think pregnancy and birth entitle a woman to more. But the amount of time dedicated to childcare should be a very significant factor in deciding custody arrangements. (And we need to be examining parental fitness of each parent if the parents didn't come to an agreement on their own, not deciding based on gender stereotypes.)

I'm not a fan of 50/50, but I am a fan of: a) couples coming to an agreement outside court, b) judging each parent by their parenting ability instead of by gender stereotypes, and asking the children what their preference is.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 8:19 am
Wow, Royalblue. You know a lot of couples, and all about their private lives. Are you a divorce lawyer or something? Otherwise you hang out in strange crowds, to know about so many cheating wives and husbands, and to lnow of more than one who caught his wife on film!

I stand by my opinion that cheating should not affect custody.

And yes, a dedicated SAHD is something that should definitely be taken into account.

I believe that women naturally deserve more custody, but like everything in life, there are exceptions.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 8:33 am
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
Dreaming of maids doesnt solve the fact women have it harder - because the maids are women! So it just moves some of women's work to another woman.


Exactly that was my point.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 8:47 am
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
Wow, Royalblue. You know a lot of couples, and all about their private lives. Are you a divorce lawyer or something? Otherwise you hang out in strange crowds, to know about so many cheating wives and husbands, and to lnow of more than one who caught his wife on film!

I stand by my opinion that cheating should not affect custody.

And yes, a dedicated SAHD is something that should definitely be taken into account.

I believe that women naturally deserve more custody, but like everything in life, there are exceptions.

"Or something." Not going to out myself.

I believe that the children need to come first, and gender should not play a role in deciding custody arrangements. Rather, we need to look at parental fitness and emotional health, what the arrangements were prior to the divorce, each parent's current employment situation, and more, and try as much as possible to leave the children's lives as uninterrupted as possible. They are already going through trauma and upheaval, best to avoid adding more. In summary, I believe that in divorce what parents "naturally deserve" takes a back seat to what children "absolutely deserve." It's not a popular stance among women but it is what it is.

BTW I have seen surveys which show that many women prefer the man have more custodial time because it frees the women to work more hours and allows time for a social life and potentially dating. Single parenting is hard enough and most normative parents who are not "out to get" the other and "prove" themselves as innocent via custody arrangements, tend to look at the bigger picture, and that means not just what's good for the kids but also what will allow themselves more freedom. So it goes both ways, I think it is better for all involved not to automatically assign custody based on gender stereotypes.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 9:12 am
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
I don't view ALL women as evil and scheming any more than I view ALL men as evil and scheming. I just happen to know 4-5 women who cheated, some of the husbands have it on film, and in all cases when there were children (one of the couples didn't have yet) this is what the wife did. Not saying it's all women but I think it's fair to say that it is a nice number of women who cheat, which is the group I was discussing. (I also know a couple women whose husbands cheated on them, and the women in both groups - cheater and victim - got the same treatment, as did the men in both groups. Not fair. Treat all cheaters alike and all victims alike.)

BTW I know abusive women who the children beg to go to their fathers but the mother has sole custody and doesn't allow it.

Would you say it's fair for the mother to get sole or primary custody if the father was a SAHD and the mother worked 60 hours a week? I know of (in this case not personally but everyone in the community knows who works longer hours and who stays home) at least 2 families where that happened, dad was home and mom got custody with dad only getting a couple hours visitation a week. No good reason for it, other than gender.

I don't think pregnancy and birth entitle a woman to more. But the amount of time dedicated to childcare should be a very significant factor in deciding custody arrangements. (And we need to be examining parental fitness of each parent if the parents didn't come to an agreement on their own, not deciding based on gender stereotypes.)

I'm not a fan of 50/50, but I am a fan of: a) couples coming to an agreement outside court, b) judging each parent by their parenting ability instead of by gender stereotypes, and asking the children what their preference is.


Must be a slow day on imafather.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Fri, Jan 24 2020, 4:20 pm
Ruchel wrote:
yes! imagine our zechus! not even mandatory! and we do it bh


That’s what R’ Shaishes thought too, but it turns out that our zechus is less, because “gadol hametzuveh v’oseh . . .” Sad
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 25 2020, 2:33 pm
amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:
That’s what R’ Shaishes thought too, but it turns out that our zechus is less, because “gadol hametzuveh v’oseh . . .” Sad


Not at all, if only because the reward is measured to the hardship (also). It is immense and immeasurable. Sorry you taught otherwise
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