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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Yaldeinu, info please.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 9:42 am
My 8 year old daughter is in a mainstream school right now. She does very well academically, but is lagging behind socially. She doesn't have many friends and can sometimes act silly or inappropriately in class. She currently gets services from the DOE in school. Someone suggested I place her in Yaldeinu, and I'm just wondering if she's too high functioning for Yaldeinu. Anyone familiar with the school, please advise. TIA!
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 10:38 am
My best tip would be for you to check it out so you can get a feel of it and see for yourself. One class is really high functioning there. Whoever attends that school has to be verbal.
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amother
Green


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 11:45 am
amother wrote:
My 8 year old daughter is in a mainstream school right now. She does very well academically, but is lagging behind socially. She doesn't have many friends and can sometimes act silly or inappropriately in class. She currently gets services from the DOE in school. Someone suggested I place her in Yaldeinu, and I'm just wondering if she's too high functioning for Yaldeinu. Anyone familiar with the school, please advise. TIA!


Obviously, go check out the school. However, I'm hesitant to tell anyone whose child is doing well in a mainstream school academically to put them in a special needs school. Perhaps you can arrange after school social activities with special needs groups instead.

Does your child have a diagnosis?
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 11:49 am
Thanks for your responses. Yes, she has a diagnosis, ASD.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 12:11 pm
Yesodei Bina 3474012803 is kids with therapy that main stream after or you can try ichud 7188542400
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amother
Gray


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 12:39 pm
I was always socially awkward. Academically I was on top of my class. If I would have been evaluated in today's days I would for sure get an ASD diagnosis. My mother was in denial all the years and refused to think I had any problems. I had zero friends all the years in school. My mother denies that too. She claims I had friends. I was miserable all the years. Looking back I think I would have done much better in a special class for kids with social difficulties. It's better to be the smartest and cutest in a special class then be the nerd in a regular class. If she is too high functioning for the school they will cater to her level, it will become for her level. Other parents will see your kid there and will put there child there. They make the classes according to levels. Don't let your pride be part of your decision.
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amother
Green


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 2:34 pm
amother wrote:
I was always socially awkward. Academically I was on top of my class. If I would have been evaluated in today's days I would for sure get an ASD diagnosis. My mother was in denial all the years and refused to think I had any problems. I had zero friends all the years in school. My mother denies that too. She claims I had friends. I was miserable all the years. Looking back I think I would have done much better in a special class for kids with social difficulties. It's better to be the smartest and cutest in a special class then be the nerd in a regular class. If she is too high functioning for the school they will cater to her level, it will become for her level. Other parents will see your kid there and will put there child there. They make the classes according to levels. Don't let your pride be part of your decision.


You imagine it would have been better, but I see first hand what it's like for my child. It depends on the class. Put a bunch of socially awkward and autistic kids, and you get. . very few invites. I find that it was better to put my child in with gregarious, talkative, (and the older they got - KIND) children then to put them with kids who had difficulty making eye contact. We get more invites now than we did with the special needs class.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 4:31 pm
amother wrote:
I was always socially awkward. Academically I was on top of my class. If I would have been evaluated in today's days I would for sure get an ASD diagnosis. My mother was in denial all the years and refused to think I had any problems. I had zero friends all the years in school. My mother denies that too. She claims I had friends. I was miserable all the years. Looking back I think I would have done much better in a special class for kids with social difficulties. It's better to be the smartest and cutest in a special class then be the nerd in a regular class. If she is too high functioning for the school they will cater to her level, it will become for her level. Other parents will see your kid there and will put there child there. They make the classes according to levels. Don't let your pride be part of your decision.
Thanks so much for sharing! I'm sorry for what you went through growing up. I've long put my pride aside, but I can't help thinking that maybe she'll be upset with me when she's an adult for putting her into a 'special' school. I know I may be doing her the biggest favor putting her into a special program, but I keep wavering with that thought. Hearing from you may help me be more firm with my decision and know that I'm (hopefully) doing the right thing. I was actually thinking of putting her in a different program where she would be with a mix of learning challenged but socially okay kids and socially challenged kids. They would work on her social skills throughout the day. She would be the brightest in the class academically, but they would tailor the curriculum to her so she doesn't fall behind her grade level when we reintegrate her into a mainstream school. Then someone suggested that I should rather put her in Yaldeinu where they are more specialized in ASD, however, I think being with only socially awkward kids would not be in her best interest. I pray that Hashem give me clarity so that I do right by my child. This is so hard!
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 4:38 pm
amother wrote:
You imagine it would have been better, but I see first hand what it's like for my child. It depends on the class. Put a bunch of socially awkward and autistic kids, and you get. . very few invites. I find that it was better to put my child in with gregarious, talkative, (and the older they got - KIND) children then to put them with kids who had difficulty making eye contact. We get more invites now than we did with the special needs class.
At this age girls can start being mean and catty. BH she hasn't had any outright teasing, but the older they get (ages 9-12) the more chance there is that she will be made to feel more like an outcast. I'm thinking maybe I can spare her those couple of years and have her be in a loving environment where she can shine in her own way. But, I may be wrong!
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amother
Gray


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 5:44 pm
amother wrote:
You imagine it would have been better, but I see first hand what it's like for my child. It depends on the class. Put a bunch of socially awkward and autistic kids, and you get. . very few invites. I find that it was better to put my child in with gregarious, talkative, (and the older they got - KIND) children then to put them with kids who had difficulty making eye contact. We get more invites now than we did with the special needs class.

What about in class itself? I think best is a small class where the teacher is trained to make sure every girl is part of the conversations. Makes sure every girl has a chance to talk. Makes sure the conversations are on the level of the girls with the social issues.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 5:51 pm
amother wrote:
At this age girls can start being mean and catty. BH she hasn't had any outright teasing, but the older they get (ages 9-12) the more chance there is that she will be made to feel more like an outcast. I'm thinking maybe I can spare her those couple of years and have her be in a loving environment where she can shine in her own way. But, I may be wrong!


That is so true. Most of the girls in my class were very nice and kind. (Besides one or 2 and that's more than enough.) but they still preferred to joke around with their friends. I was like a furniture peice in class. Was ignored all the time. Once in a blue moon a girl would feel bad and come over to me to chat, but the conversation didn't flow. It felt like a forced conversation. I had such a bad self esteem and it just made me even more socially off.
I did very well with girls a year younger than me. They were a little less mature and I felt they enjoyed my company and I enjoyed theirs.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Mon, Jul 09 2018, 6:04 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks so much for sharing! I'm sorry for what you went through growing up. I've long put my pride aside, but I can't help thinking that maybe she'll be upset with me when she's an adult for putting her into a 'special' school. I know I may be doing her the biggest favor putting her into a special program, but I keep wavering with that thought. Hearing from you may help me be more firm with my decision and know that I'm (hopefully) doing the right thing. I was actually thinking of putting her in a different program where she would be with a mix of learning challenged but socially okay kids and socially challenged kids. They would work on her social skills throughout the day. She would be the brightest in the class academically, but they would tailor the curriculum to her so she doesn't fall behind her grade level when we reintegrate her into a mainstream school. Then someone suggested that I should rather put her in Yaldeinu where they are more specialized in ASD, however, I think being with only socially awkward kids would not be in her best interest. I pray that Hashem give me clarity so that I do right by my child. This is so hard!


Does your daughter know she has social problems?
I knew and I was desperate for help. It is tricky decision because you never know how she will take it knowing she went to a special school. For me it was hard because my mother pretended nothing was wrong. I was so desperate for company and depressed that I didn't mind being a case if that will help me. I'm wondering if you can discuss it with her and see how she feels. Let's say you tell her it's a class with less kids and the teacher gives more attention to each girl. 8 years old is a little young to understand that but also young enough not to get insulted that she is in a special class. As she gets older and comments about it you can have an open discussion with her.

I never tried being in a special class so I have no idea if I would have been resentful for that, but I can say for sure that the regular class was terrible and it affected my self esteem until today.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Tue, Jul 10 2018, 8:36 am
amother wrote:
That is so true. Most of the girls in my class were very nice and kind. (Besides one or 2 and that's more than enough.) but they still preferred to joke around with their friends. I was like a furniture peice in class. Was ignored all the time. Once in a blue moon a girl would feel bad and come over to me to chat, but the conversation didn't flow. It felt like a forced conversation. I had such a bad self esteem and it just made me even more socially off.
I did very well with girls a year younger than me. They were a little less mature and I felt they enjoyed my company and I enjoyed theirs.
Thank you for your insights. My daughter has also complained a little about sometimes being ignored. I find that she does well with kids 2 grades younger than her. Do you think I should maybe just put her back a grade, or would that be more degrading to her? It would of course be in another school, but she would be more academically advanced which would make for a boring school year. Or is she better off in a special school for a couple of years, where she would be in a small classroom setting, they would tailor the curriculum to her(she would get extra sheets while the academically challenged kids work on their own pace), and would get constant social instruction?
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Jul 10 2018, 8:46 am
amother wrote:
Thank you for your insights. My daughter has also complained a little about sometimes being ignored. I find that she does well with kids 2 grades younger than her. Do you think I should maybe just put her back a grade, or would that be more degrading to her? It would of course be in another school, but she would be more academically advanced which would make for a boring school year. Or is she better off in a special school for a couple of years, where she would be in a small classroom setting, they would tailor the curriculum to her(she would get extra sheets while the academically challenged kids work on their own pace), and would get constant social instruction?


I think she will do better in a small class where the staff is trained to look out for her. A younger class is still a lot of girls in the class. Either way she can feel degraded. So might as well choose the better option. Hopefully if done the right way with sensitivity she won't feel degraded. Does she need to know it's a special class? Maybe when she switches back to mainstream you might want to put her in a younger grade?
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Tue, Jul 10 2018, 10:53 am
amother wrote:
I think she will do better in a small class where the staff is trained to look out for her. A younger class is still a lot of girls in the class. Either way she can feel degraded. So might as well choose the better option. Hopefully if done the right way with sensitivity she won't feel degraded. Does she need to know it's a special class? Maybe when she switches back to mainstream you might want to put her in a younger grade?
Thanks a lot for your advice and suggestions. You're making me feel better about my decision.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Jul 10 2018, 11:34 am
amother wrote:
Thanks a lot for your advice and suggestions. You're making me feel better about my decision.


I'm so happy I was able to help. Let us know how she is doing.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Thu, Jan 30 2020, 1:53 pm
A/o have any more info on this school for a high functioning language-delayed socially awkward child that is doing ok academically in a mainstream school?

Thank you.
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amother
Jade


 

Post Thu, Jan 30 2020, 2:45 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
A/o have any more info on this school for a high functioning language-delayed socially awkward child that is doing ok academically in a mainstream school?

Thank you.

It is amazing school. I am thinking to move to NY just to put my sensory issues kid in the school. My kid is brilliant and socially normal but his sensory issues make it impossible for him to function in a normal school. They serve very healthy gluten free food and are very on top of each child's medical state and nutrition which is important to my child who is medically complex.

They do mainstream and my ideal would be Yaldeinu for a year and then OT in a regular Yeshiva in NY.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Thu, Jan 30 2020, 8:52 pm
I worked in Yaldeinu. It is an aba school with a lot of Ot. There is a huge focus on nutrition as the school is gluten free and casein free. If she is doing well academically and she is able to keep up with the mainstream curriculum, classroom style, it may be worth having a bcba help you work with her at home and help her build her skills. I have not met your child so I don’t know how she is functioning socially, but this works for some children... aba schools are great and each child has their own academic portfolio, however she may not need such a restrictive environment as Yaldainu is 1:1. There are other aba schools that offer 1:1 only for 1:1 institution and have a hands off approach at other times... you really want the least restrictive environment with the right support for your daughter to manage socially. Hatzlocha! Finding the right place is a job of its own😔
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Shani88




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 02 2022, 3:29 pm
Would love some follow up info on this school. Is it for kids not on the spectrum too?
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