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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Did you miss a sibling's wedding?
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Wed, Feb 05 2020, 10:48 am
banana123 wrote:
When she was a kallah she didn't think of these things, and once she'd given birth to a preemie she understood the full implications of such a decision? She was probably also traumatized by the birth. It's never easy to have a preemie, and certainly if it's your first, that's going to be traumatic.
She grew up. B"H now she realizes how hurtful it is.


I've had a preemie, I know full well how traumatic it is. And it has meant extra caution with my subsequent pregnancies. But I am also well aware that it's not that common. Or rather, not common enough that every woman in their third trimester needs to be treated as though they can give birth at any second. I guess I can understand a young kallah not thinking much about due dates, but basically since she had her first kid (who's almost 30 now and has kids of her own), she has basically attempted to steamroll every simcha in the family because of this issue, and we've all had enough of it.
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 05 2020, 10:55 am
amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:
I've had a preemie, I know full well how traumatic it is. And it has meant extra caution with my subsequent pregnancies. But I am also well aware that it's not that common. Or rather, not common enough that every woman in their third trimester needs to be treated as though they can give birth at any second. I guess I can understand a young kallah not thinking much about due dates, but basically since she had her first kid (who's almost 30 now and has kids of her own), she has basically attempted to steamroll every simcha in the family because of this issue, and we've all had enough of it.

I hear that.
That's a long time to still feel a need to control the outcome just in case. Sounds like she has some trauma to work through.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Wed, Feb 05 2020, 11:13 am
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
So they were taking the very very high chance that the mom wouldn't make it to the wedding at all. What if she delivered a few hours before the chuppah itself.
To me that seems like something that should make your list. :/

Yeah, it was really weird. I don't know the backstory since I'm not really close to the family. I just remember that I went to the wedding, and on Shabbos I heard about the birth.
Maybe their engagement was longer than 9 months? Maybe baby was early due to the stress. Don't know.
I think also chosson and kallah both had a sibling get married shortly before or after, and it was right before sefirah.
Whatever it was, it was super unconventional.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Feb 05 2020, 12:50 pm
Thanks all.
My family members (parents and siblings) are getting on a plane tonight... and I'm not. I haven't been to EY in ages. I know I made the right choice for my baby, but I'm not a happy camper- except when I look at her.
I feel so blessed to have her that I shouldn't complain. But I'm a normal human too, no?
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, Feb 05 2020, 1:43 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
So they were taking the very very high chance that the mom wouldn't make it to the wedding at all. What if she delivered a few hours before the chuppah itself.
To me that seems like something that should make your list. :/

Imagine if in their circles they usually have 2-3 month engagements, and they get engaged a few weeks before Purim. It's either have the wedding before Pesach or wait until after Shavuos... (At least where I come from, we don't have weddings on Lag B'omer either, although either way it's likely halls would not be available then.)

The mother might usually go late, and they were banking on that, or (as someone already suggested) her actual due date may have been a bit later. Babies are hard to plan to the day.

Sometimes you really don't get too many choices, and you just make the best of it.
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