I’m the boss’s wife

amother

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 8:52 pm

amother [ Smokey ] wrote:

No advice but I left such an awful job.
But I was actually impressed that he was so nice to his wife and kids.
Unfortunately it's usually the opposite.
People are nice to everyone out there but not so nice to their own family.
Btw how are you so sure he's not nice to the workers?

Actually I’m not so sure, I’d want to hear what they say about him( yeah stupid me)
But he is not the calmest guy around, he will say what he thinks. He’s very direct.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 9:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Could be, maybe I’m just too sensitive.
How do you handle it when your boss yells at you? Do you think your boss is mean? Do you think maybe he is a decent person but “ this is business “
How can you go home to your family and and not feel like a roach.

I could care less. I usually worked in high pressure places and would may jokes about it. I never took it home with me.

sarahmalka

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 9:18 pm

abound wrote:

My boss has done this,
Your husband Invites everyone!
He then comes back a week later and saids, My wife said it is not nice to make all the women come out when they won't even say Mazel Tov because of the mechitza. She saids It is too hard for women to shlep out so everyone.......dont worry about it!

I don't love this approach. No offense, abound. For me if I got invited to something then it was followed by a verbal disclaimer that I shouldn't go, I would be offended. At the very least it would make the situation even more awkward. Especially given that OP says her DH doesn't communicate well with these employees.
OP just invite them and seat them together and let them have a nice meal out! Weddings are fun!

Simple1

Wed, Feb 05 2020, 11:03 pm

sarahmalka wrote:

Now that you mention it, I've gotten some invitations followed by "I totally don't expect you to come/ you don't have to come. " It always made me feel uneasy, and would put me in an awkward spot in case I really did want to come. But I thought that was me being sensitive.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 12:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Actually I’m not so sure, I’d want to hear what they say about him( yeah stupid me)
But he is not the calmest guy around, he will say what he thinks. He’s very direct.

It seems you and your husband have conflicts and you are projecting your feelings onto the workers. Stop. You actually don't know. I think you don't want the workers there for the expense.

amother

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 7:04 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

It seems you and your husband have conflicts and you are projecting your feelings onto the workers. Stop. You actually don't know. I think you don't want the workers there for the expense.

Very off.
Like I said, he’s a very different person at home. The only way I know about it is by listening to conversations over the phone.
Regarding expenses, really really no. I love having lots of guests. We make very simple weddings.
And I said, once they come , I do want them to stay.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 8:41 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe add a little note into each invite- dear whoever, looking forward to meeting you and dancing with you at our Simcha. Something about them holding the fort on the business side of thing- some kind of thank you and sign your name.

And if you can swing it- but with chasuna expenses that wouldn’t be expected.... if your dh gives a little bonus- and says this is in honor of the Simcha we’re making. This way there will be warm feelings and you may not feel as awkward.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 2:39 pm

abound wrote:

Is there anyone in the office you can speak to directly? If not, then just invite and do the social dance.........

My boss has done this,
Your husband Invites everyone!
He then comes back a week later and saids, My wife said it is not nice to make all the women come out when they won't even say Mazel Tov because of the mechitza. She saids It is too hard for women to shlep out so everyone.......dont worry about it!

I like this idea.

Send invitations, and then your husband can come in and say: "my wife told me it is so hard for women to get out at night sometimes, so I completely understand if anyone can't make it. For whoever can make, we are looking forward to seeing you there!"

This way, nobody feels obligated to come, but your are not dis-inviting anyone who does want to come.

I wish my boss did the above!
He invites all his employees to all his simchos, and expects everyone to come.....

I hate it! It is just too hard for me to drive 2 hours each way, to see him for 1 minute mazel tov, and then spend the rest of the evening not knowing a soul.....

kallateach

Thu, Feb 06 2020, 4:41 pm

I have seen response cards where the person invited can check off if they are coming to the chupa, dinner or simchas Chosson kallah
It is clear they are invited to the entire chasuna but just as clearly they can choose what to come to.