Can someone come in clear with an answer?

amother

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 7:34 pm

Lots of the trheads here on ima are talking about DISFUNCTION in lots of areas . Btw it triggers me even to see this word;(

Now can someone explain to me what disfunction to them means ? Believe me I had lived through dysfunction but their are 1,000 of ways how disfunction can look , and I really wanna know if im on the right functional track with my parenting and running my house. Though , I do have my ups and down moods , tired moods , and certain days I can be all there for my kids and give my all, but when im knocked out I do take it easier and dont give my all.

To me function means: fresh clean clothes, hygiene taken care of , make sure their well fed . Happy home .

Thoughts on when a house functions normal or when something really is off? Whats to you important to keep a functional atmosphere? Im not looking to compare in any way, I just really wanna hear if im lacking important areas , or its ok my invirenment. maybe I need to change things around?

P.s. sorry if im not in the right forum

Kiwi13

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 7:39 pm

dysfunction is when things aren't working right and it negatively affects the family. It can mean different things in different households with regard to specifics, and rarely does one specific factor mean "dysfunction." A house can be messy, even very messy, and the kids are still well cared for. Foods can be simple or meals not properly balanced and everything is still okay. There is a level of dirtiness and lack of adequate food that in itself would be dysfunctional across the board, but that would be pretty extreme levels of neglect, not ordinary messiness and not ordinary fast food or packaged food kind of situations.

If the kids and parents are functioning well at school and work and socially, if there is shalom basis, if there is trust and love in the home... that, to me, means it is a functional, healthy home. No home is perfect, but there is an enormous range of good and okay.

amother

Blush

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 7:57 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Of course its a lot more nuanced, but I think you got it right.
The ones who are truly dysfunctional don't ask if they are.
I would add as an important thing to make sure kids are pretty much on par with their peers in all aspects. a bit up or down is ok, but kids need to feel that they fit in.

I'm going to disagree with that.

amother

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 7:57 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

Oy, by me trust is lacking . I dont feel my kids trust me enough. They like their way , their things. Really have their minds of their own but way different then me . I only have 1 kid that is like me . I used to criticize them if they wore or liked something I dont ,( I worked hard on this and I totally got better) I do somtimes give a signal if I dont like something.( I did stop with the forcing mode) which I used to . (They have way different taste in dresscode or hairstyle then what I would like for them ) I did came to realize that they are their own person. Its hard for me, (sometimes I swallow ) but I learned to let it go and let them be. Whereas sometimes I can just fix them up like tuck in tzitzez, shirt , to help them . (5 7 10 year olds) they get very mad if I do and they feel criticized.
Would u call that dysfunction or a trust issue??

amother

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 7:59 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

I think someone thats really disfunction wouldnt even know to ask this .