Do your 6/7 yr old sons dress themselves every morning?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:12 pm

Op here

Clothes are prepared the night before. I wake him up with ample time to get dressed at an easy pace. Cleaning lady helps me with the kids in the morning and then cleans when they leave to school. She’s been working for me since ds was a newborn, babysat for me while I was at work, so she feels like a second mother to him. I don’t think he’ll feel all that bad staying home with her....

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:17 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

If mom has to be busy with the younger kids, this has to be enforced.

In this case the mom has an extra pair of hands so it really shouldn't be a big deal.

finprof

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:18 pm

All my kids dress themselves by age 2.5-3 without major issues ... maybe I'm just lucky?

avrahamama

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:20 pm

My son was exactly that age when I sent him to school in his PJs and put his uniform in his backpack. He never did it again.

I called the principal and let him know to expect a student in PJs and to send him to get dressed as soon as he hops off the bus.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:33 pm

avrahamama wrote:

Good for you. I love the idea.

But. Give it a few years
Imamother post
“What should I do my dh has issues with his mom. She abused him so much, he needs therapy.... blah blah he has unresolved childhood trauma blah de blah.”

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:34 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

From where do you take that the cleaning lady goes on shabbos?
Read the post again.

Yes, my 6/7 year olds are getting dressed themselves.

Hello! my point was that she doesn’t go on shabbos, hence he dresses himself.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:42 pm

avrahamama wrote:

But, why? I'm not understanding all these posts. Is it so bad to help your 6-year old get dressed that it's worth embarrassing him like that?

I'm just not getting it. Seems like everyone else does though so you're in good company.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:51 pm

Somedays they do somedays they don’t.
If I had all the time in the world I’d let them dress themselves at their own speed but they’re SIX! Not sixteen!
It’s perfectly normal for a 6 year old to sometiems want some help/“pampering” that someone should help them get dressed. Really not everything has to be a huge issue.

I usually say something like “ok do your socks I’m coming to help with your pants” or “you start I’ll help you finish the sweater”. Etc.

amother

Navy

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 8:59 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Your cleaning ladies job is to clean. My cleaning lady does babysitting and helps me with the kids as well.
Everyone's cleaning lady does different tasks.

Then she is not just a cleaning lady. She is a housekeeper and nanny. You are lucky she is so accommodating.

solo

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 9:00 pm

My 5 yr old did the same. He was capable of dressing himself but refused. I had an idea that it was the stress of getting dressed or transitioning that was holding him back. Cuz he’d get upset when I called him to the supper table or... so lots of positive reinforcement sticker chart praise... and I fit it into our morning routine so he knew when it was happening. Bh a yr later he dresses himself when he wakes up

avrahamama

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 9:20 pm

I'm not sure anything I say will convince anyone here otherwise. It worked for us.

It wasn't so bad. None of the other kids realized as he went straight to bathroom to change. And he learned that he doesn't get a ride to school or to miss school just because he doesn't dress on time.

Im not a charts person. And neither are my kids. Charts are useless in our house. Prizes don't mean much to them either. Knowing what will actually happen helped.

Here is what will happen. You still have to go to school. Just with your PJs.

Maybe I destroyed my child's self esteem. Or maybe I helped build a child that is accountable for his actions and resilient.

amother

White

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 9:42 pm

avrahamama wrote:

Oh god, I would never do this to a child! This is so embarrassing. All the other kids will make fun of him. This is not the right way to teach a little kid to get dressed by himself. Maybe he's just not ready yet.

amother

White

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 9:44 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Then she is not just a cleaning lady. She is a housekeeper and nanny. You are lucky she is so accommodating.

She's always looking to work more hours. So when I had a baby I started giving her more housework.

soap suds

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 9:49 pm

My kids get hot cocoa in the morning AFTER they're dressed. If they dilly-dally and it gets too late, they don't get it. For my 5-yr old the rule is that he only gets it if he gets dressed on his own. He resisted at first, insisted that he can't put on his socks by himself, tantrumed... but once he realized that I mean business he learned to do it on his own. These days he's fully dressed by the time I get up.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 10:49 pm

My son is 7 and every morning me or my husband dress him. He doesn’t like dressing himself I guess he feels loved when we dress him. He is fully capable of dressing himself. I know this behavior won’t last forever but for right now it’s not the worth the fight.

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Feb 17 2020, 10:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ds age 6 refuses to dress himself and will stay in pjs until either me or the cleaning lady or his sister get him dressed. I know that he is capable since he dresses himself on Shabbos. On occasion before a family outing, I simply announce that I’ll be leaving in x amount of minutes and whoever is dressed can come. Whoever isn’t stays home with the cleaning lady.

How can I encourage and ensure he dresses himself in a timely manner to make his school bus and eat breakfast? I wake him early so he has the time, just enjoys hanging out in pjs.

Your child is yours. Please ignore most of the mothers. Pumpkin has it right.
My son is eleven. He is smart, intelectual, a class leader, very kind, but struggles with transition especially in the morning. He is super sensitive only to certain things. I only RECENTLY stopped dressing him in the morning. My motherly intuition knew that in this area he is 2/3/4 years old for whatever reason.
(for a half a year now he is dressing himself and he clearly grew out of this difficulty for good)

Think out of the box. Watch his body, body language, frustrations, his mode of speech in the mornings, his mannerisms when he has to do something that he doesnt like and use your motherly intution. Understand also that you do not have to figure out everything about your child.
Let things just be..
This whole concept of parenting the right way has gone the wrong way.
Let the other mothers keep their intuition for their children and you keep yours for yours.

dankbar

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 12:29 am

Of course at this age, kids should dress on their own.

banana123

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 6:09 am

Tell him that if he's not ready by the time you need to leave, you'll have to take him to school in pajamas, with his clothes in his bag. And then follow through.

bigbird

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 6:27 am

My 6 year old also didn’t want to get himself dressed. We recently had a breakthrough though when I started preparing his clothes in the order they need to be put on so on top were his tzitzis, then shirt, then pants, then socks etc. I think it eliminated the thinking and made it mindless for him so was easier for him to face. The first day I did it I explained to him what I did and he took to it.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Feb 18 2020, 7:18 am

Mine dresses himself but is not ready to leave the house until I close his pants, shirt buttons.. often his tzitzis is twisted and sticking out of his neck...
There are some days he gets up on the wrong side of the bed and refuses to do anything he has to do. Last minute I dress him but I refuse to put his underwear on for him. That’s the one thing I insist he does on his own.

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