Separate money or bank account

amother

Jade

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 6:22 pm

I had my pre-marriage money in accounts with only my name.
I am just now divorcing and one of the few easy things was the clarity about those accounts.
They were premarital and since my husband knew this and acknowledged this, it was put in the agreement as accounts solely belonging to me and thus not subject to joint distribution.

I was a sahm for many many years and I liked knowing there was some money that was mine.

I did not do this thinking that one day decades later my husband would decide to divorce me, but it did make things easier that I had my own money to pay bills etc before the division of the assets began.

amother

Teal

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 7:53 pm

DH and I have separate checking accounts/savings accounts from before marriage, and our paychecks go into our respective accounts. We have a couple of joint accounts for long and short term savings, and we transfer money over as needed (right now he pays most of the bills, so I move money into the joint accounts for savings or for him to use for bills as needed. I do keep a good amount in my own account simply because I'm used to having my own money (we got married in our late 20s). I don't think separate accounts has anything to do with with the state of your marriage, but I suppose if one spouse has money issues, more transparency is better.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 8:55 pm

We have a joint account and I have one account under my name only. That's only bec we have online banking and my paychecks which are handwritten were going in funny so I decided to open a small account for that. Tuition comes from my paycheck and everything else is from my husband's. (I am able to transfer money into the shared account so I do that)

Rappel

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 10:31 pm

Joint account. DH was terribly fiscally irresponsible when we got married, but that was because he was raised with no concept of money (or any other responsibility, really. He was a kind, loving person, who was totally clueless. A bit of a shock, really.).

At first, I tried to keep a separate account, but the idea of my private stash when we normally put all of our limited resources into our family hurt his feelings. After years of trying to balance our budget, I turned over the major fiscal responsibility to him - and he suddenly got a clue. He's risen admirably to the occasion, and right now he's the earner and bill-payer, and I'm the bargain hunter. It's a good system.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 10:46 pm

I have a cash business and dh is a student. We only have joint accounts which I have no clue how to access bec I never need to. Dh has texted me the passwords way back when one time when I lost an atm card or something. I get paid cash so I always have what I need. We also have a safe that I obviously have the code too with cash in it...

amother

Tan

Thu, Feb 20 2020, 10:48 pm

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

how do you pay your bills?

amother

Navy

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 1:02 am

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

As long as ur married ur focus should be on bettering ure marriage not what if.... or plan for divorce.... that's so morbid!

Think of it the same way you think about the smoke alarm. We don't keep and maintain a smoke alarm because we are living with the belief that our houses are fated to have a fire, chas v'shalom, we do so because it's a safety measure. It's not morbid to have a smoke alarm, and it's not morbid to retain some financial independence.

Another way to think about it: My marriage is rock solid and my husband and I will remain married as long as we both shall live. Unfortunately, another woman somewhere is not as lucky. If I am fully financially dependent on my husband, I contribute to a societal standard that sets this as a norm, which makes it harder for her.

amother

Burlywood

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 4:09 am

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

Yes, two accounts from before I met DH. I mostly kept them out of laziness.

I had certain direct debit and direct deposit arrangements already set up for those accounts, so I continue to use them for that. Also, one of them allows making paper checks out online for free, so that is handy.

But all of my income and all of DH's direct deposit into a joint account, and all our long-term savings and investments are in a joint account, except for 401k's (on which we are each other's beneficiaries). We use a joint credit card and generally manage everything as one big pile of money.

We have pretty much the same set up.
All of our logins and passwords are in a shared password app.
We got married a bit older and there's no real reason to close all of our accounts.
We do have one joint bank account.

DH has never logged in to any of my accounts but he can at any time. I manage all finances and all the computer stuff, but technically all the money is "ours" no matter what account it is in.
We have a joint email account where all the bill notifications come into and I pay all of our bills online.
He barely pays attention.

I always know the balance of every account, he just uses our joint CC when he needs to but I review all purchases weekly so I know what he is spending. I do 90% of the shopping, his purchases are a sandwich or coffee, or if he takes one of the kids shopping I know about it before.

He makes more money than I do, but I have more control over everything. As he always jokes, I could transfer every last cent from all of our accounts, change the password to my account, and be off on a tropical island Smile

BH this works for us. He trusts me and I don't feel like I am in the dark.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 4:18 am

I have a separate account from before we got married. DH knows about it and encouraged me to keep it so I have my own credit rating or something like that. It has a few thousand dollars in it and I barely touch it. It's nice to know it's there for a rainy day but all I ever use it for is to buy a present for DH or to pay an occasional parking ticket that I feel silly about and don't want to mention to DH.

Otherwise we have a joint money market account and a linked checking account and custodial accounts for each of our children. DH takes care of paying most of the bills but I do the banking in person and have the online passwords as well. We have the same philosophy when it comes to money, so that's never been an issue in our marriage. We both value being frugal with occasional splurges and we live below our means and save and invest. We don't buy what we can't afford and the only debt we have is our mortgage. DH is the breadwinner and I'm a SAHM but everything in our account is considered our money. We don't have a strict budget but DH trusts me to spend wisely. We only really discuss major purchases.

rivkam

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 5:33 am

I wrote no but I realised afterwards that actually I do have two accounts abroad that he doesn't have access to. Not on purpose but it's just too complicated to add him and there isnt a need.

Dh is technically registered on my israeli main bank account but he never checks it or touches the money. He doesn't have a credit card for my account. We put him on my account so that we could cash checks for our wedding that were written out to both of us. I didnt think too much about it.
I dont have access to his account because I dont want to be able to touch the money (I'm not very good at saving and would just spend it). It might be worth adding my name to dhs account at some point because really most expenses come out of his account. He doesn't have any issue with it but I want to feel like I would be able to control myself if I did have access and I'm not so sure right now.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Feb 21 2020, 2:43 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Hmmmm....
Sorry I totally disagree! Do u walk around with knee pads elbow pads all geared up with a helmet because u may fall and hurt ureself to prevent any serious injury.
Ppl fall and trip all the time alot more often than ppl divorce why not be prepared.
Do u stock up ure house incase theres a famine so u can be prepared to be able to feed ure family.
If ure taking precautions if CV get divorced ure not fully in marriage ure not totally confident.
Do u give ure baby a helmet to walk around with any time they standing incase they fall?
Do u only eat foods that r unchokable cuz u may choke on food!
Let's be real: if totally committed to a marriage and working on relationship divorce wont be on ure mind and wont plan a divorce. U r where ure minds at so prepping for divorce ure a step out the door.
Domt get me wrong some ppl know that they're marriage is not working out and they dont see future together so in those cases preparing is wise.
Otherwise it ain't good to plan for the worst!
Im not talking about abuse.... Just like we dont plan to give up our parents children siblings we shouldn't plan to get rid of husband! Be committed and content and confident and grow together to make the best relationship rather than focusing on what if.....

Teomima

Sat, Feb 22 2020, 3:03 pm

I have my own account. Dh has one that is technically a joint account but I don't have much to do with it (by choice, no need).

For many years I was the main, and often sole, breadwinner. DH had not always been that responsible with money. So most of our family payments (mortgage, insurance, savings, utilities, etc) come from my account. Currently dh makes more money than I do so he just transfers me money as needed. But we're very transparent about the state of our accounts.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Feb 23 2020, 7:38 am

Most of our money is in a joint account but we each have another account as well. Mine just has a couple hundred dollars in it and I never use it and dh also has an account like that. In the beginning we used to deposit our money to our own accounts but one joint has worked out way better for us. We also have accounts for all out kids that we both have access to.