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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
Green
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 4:20 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote: | Wow! Just wow!! Selfish to leave a 5 week old, when your the mechatainsta at the simcha. How about, just smart. We always need to make choices in life. This is what she chose. |
Yes, it is selfish of a mother to leave behind a newborn nursing baby because she's making chasuna and can't be bothered to take along the baby. A newborn needs their mother.
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amother
Ruby
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 4:27 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote: | Yes, it is selfish of a mother to leave behind a newborn nursing baby because she's making chasuna and can't be bothered to take along the baby. A newborn needs their mother. |
Somehow I don’t think the mom was using the break to sit on the beach and drink martinis. She had other kids who needed her and would remember her being unavailable vs the newborn who really doesn’t know the difference.
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happy12
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 5:55 pm
[quote="amother [ Green ]"
(However it is pretty selfish of her to leave behind a newborn for 10 days.)[/quote]
Better to expose newborn to tons of peoples germs in the winter (weather was below zero in that country) and on an airplane. Definitely was not selfish. I took good car of the baby and she has no memory of it.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 6:07 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote: | Yes, it is selfish of a mother to leave behind a newborn nursing baby because she's making chasuna and can't be bothered to take along the baby. A newborn needs their mother. |
Because you know all the ins and outs, and everything that went into her making this decision?
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amother
Coffee
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 7:07 pm
happy12 wrote: | Better to expose newborn to tons of peoples germs in the winter (weather was below zero in that country) and on an airplane. Definitely was not selfish. I took good car of the baby and she has no memory of it. |
I'd be really nervous to have the care of a newborn while parents are out of the country. Just in case of emergency c"v, it's a huge responsibility. And I'd be nervous as a mom, in the same way. Five weeks is really tiny to be away from mom. You don't really know how baby will deal. It's not the same as babysitting for the afternoon, or even just a couple hours away.
I'm not calling it selfish, but it's not ideal.
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amother
Green
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 7:21 pm
Ema of 4 wrote: | Because you know all the ins and outs, and everything that went into her making this decision? |
What if there's an emergency? Mom can't come running home, she isn't around the corner.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 7:36 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote: | What if there's an emergency? Mom can't come running home, she isn't around the corner. |
I’m pretty sure that would most likely be a consideration....
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rachel6543
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 7:57 pm
I’d recommend bringing a pump, hand or electric, to pump while you are away. That will help prevent clogged ducts and keep your milk supply up. Ideally you should pump when you normally nurse your toddler.
Be prepared - it is possible that your toddler will wean and refuse to nurse when you come back. But many toddlers return to nursing like normal when mommy comes back after being away a few days.
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dancingqueen
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 8:27 pm
I would wean before, to make it easier for everyone.
And I can’t imagine leaving a newborn for 10 days. Then again I’m in a world where people generally aren’t making weddings when they have newborns, and if something came up the wedding would be pushed off a few months if close family would not make it otherwise. But you are an amazing friend, that poster who watched a newborn for 10 days.
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amother
Lilac
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 8:57 pm
I had to go abroad for work for about 10 days when I had a nursing 10.5 month old, and he resumed nursing when I returned. Even though my pump broke and I had to only use a hand pump the whole time to maintain supply. But there are no guarantees. Personally, I have always had an easy time ramping milk supply back up after a reduction. And my baby was younger than yours.
My baby was fine, but he had been in full-time daycare since four months old, eating pumped milk at daycare and nursing the rest of the time. So even though he was accustomed to eating my milk, he was not dependent on nursing to go down for nap or to sleep for the night. We did run out of pumped milk 6 or 7 days into my trip, so my husband gave formula for the last few days.
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amother
Periwinkle
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 9:16 pm
Op, my 30 month old still nurses and has taken breaks for a couple of days here and there for medical reasons. I think it was harder on me... I tried pumping but was never a great pumper to begin with- and just did hand expression when in the shower to lessen pain and keep supply.
I was around my child but she wasn’t able to nurse and was always aware that she might just give up after but Bh so far she’s still enjoying the comfort of nursing:)
Good luck!
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amother
Bronze
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Sun, Feb 23 2020, 9:36 pm
happy12 wrote: | My friend left her 5 week old nursing baby by me for 10 days. I held the last feeding before she came back and the baby went right back to nursing.(she had a child's wedding in a different country and felt it was best not to take her newborn) |
How amazing of you to take care of her newborn baby for 10 days!!
Paid or unpaid-I don't care.
You must be an amazing woman to assume and be trusted with such an awesome responsibility. I am sure having you step in for her with her newborn truly gave her peace of mind and enhanced both her and the C"VK's simcha. Kol hakavod.
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amother
Amber
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 1:28 am
Not exactly the same circumstances, because I didn't mind not continuing with the nursing when I got back. But I left my 12 month old with DH when I went to be with my dying mother abroad. He was nursing maybe 2-3 times a day at the time. It was hard for me - to leave him, and obviously the circumstances, but he was fine b"H, no trauma.
ETA - I took a hand pump with me just to alleviate engorgement, which I used a few times.
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amother
Slateblue
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 2:52 am
I left my 18 month old for a week. I pumped when I was away and he continued to nurse after I came back. He ended up nursing until close to 3 years old. I did take into account when I planned to leave for a week that there was a possibility that it would end the nursing, but b'h it didn't. I was really happy it worked out but tried not to have expectations.
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amother
Powderblue
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 5:24 am
My SIL recently left her 20 month old for 5 days. When she came back her toddler demanded to be nursed straight away, even though she was totally fine during her absence. As of today, they are still happyly nursing...
Last edited by amother on Sat, May 08 2021, 4:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Papaya
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 6:01 am
amother [ Ruby ] wrote: | Somehow I don’t think the mom was using the break to sit on the beach and drink martinis. She had other kids who needed her and would remember her being unavailable vs the newborn who really doesn’t know the difference. |
She shouldve thought about that before becoming pregnant
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amother
Ruby
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 7:15 am
amother [ Papaya ] wrote: | She shouldve thought about that before becoming pregnant |
Very likely she was pregnant before her child got engaged. She probably delayed the wedding enough so that she wouldn’t be in labor, but couldn’t postpone it longer. 9 months is a long time and you don’t always know what will happen.
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amother
Oak
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 11:19 am
amother [ Green ] wrote: | I'm almost sure the halacha is for a child over 2 years old. If you stop for 24 hours you can't continue. |
I recently looked into this. My understanding is that barring any medical reasons (mom or baby), if the baby is over 24 months, and hasn't nursed in 72 hours, then the baby can't resume nursing.
Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 81:7
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Ema of 5
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Mon, Feb 24 2020, 12:07 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote: | I recently looked into this. My understanding is that barring any medical reasons (mom or baby), if the baby is over 24 months, and hasn't nursed in 72 hours, then the baby can't resume nursing.
Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 81:7 |
That was what I found also, when I looked into it- if a child over 2 (24 months) hasn’t nursed for a full 72 hours, the child should be weaned.
It never made a difference to me before, all my children weaned before 15 months, but my youngest didn’t wean until she was almost 3.5!!
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