Do you live in an impossibly big house?

Simple1

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 6:52 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

So please explain to me why there are countless upon countless of threads about women who are jealous of others money, houses, vacations, pesach hotels, designer clothing, designer strollers....
But there isn't a SINGLE thread about women who are jealous of those with large families??
The poster asked a question, the answer isn't always what we want to hear.

Really? Check out the TTC, IF, and SIF threads. Jealousy of wealth is frivolous compared to the pain of those.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 7:12 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

To each their own. I really do not see the appeal of having 8 bathrooms, unless you have 14 children living at home and host constantly.

If you asked me would I rather have 3 or 4 bathrooms or 8, I would say 3 or 4.

When you’re hosting 3-4 young couples every sukkos and every pesach on top of the 6-7 single kids that are still home it’s very appealing.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 7:19 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

When you’re hosting 3-4 young couples every sukkos and every pesach it’s very appealing.

I guess I dont feel like my home needs to match the standards of a luxury hotel. Not every young couple that comes needs an ensuite.
I don't need an extra 4 or 5 bathrooms taking up space, costing taxes, requiring upkeep, just so once or twice a year every couple can have their own bathroom.

ETA - I host a lot myself, and everyone seems to be fine with sharing. There is no morning rush during chagim. As for privacy, young couples have that at home 24/7. As guests, they can manage without a personal master bathroom. I managed in my youth - it never even entered my mind to expect it, and everyone else I know manages.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 7:44 am

I grew up in a tiny house. 8 people shared a bathroom... only 2 people could fit in the kitchen at a time...

When I moved into my current house as a married woman, I felt like I was living in a mansion. Until .... I saw how others around me were living.
My house now has 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a playroom, a study, a decent size kitchen....
The houses around me have 7+ bedrooms and I didn’t realize right away that all the houses are fixed up to the max. Kitchens are super modern with state of the art appliances (I have old Formica counters and white appliances 15 years old). People here are getting rid of perfectly good furniture just to have a nicer look (I have old second hand dining room chairs that have no padding..) Homes here are constantly being painted, fancy moldings... (we have no moldings and haven’t painted in years!)——
I was really proud of my home at first. Financially we just wouldn’t be able to keep up with our neighbors the way they are busy with home maintenance.
I’ve realized the importance of being happy with what one has. Most important I’ve realized that what is most important is to be proud of your family (not so much the house).

I don’t feel bad for people living in over sized mansions with state of the art kitchens they don’t even use. If they can afford the lifestyle, it’s fine. What’s most important is whether they are kind, non judgmental people who raise their children to have good middos.

amother

Teal

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:03 am

Simple1 wrote:

Really? Check out the TTC, IF, and SIF threads. Jealousy of wealth is frivolous compared to the pain of those.

Those are infertility threads, not threads about being jealous of people with large families. I'd be happy if you find me even one.

Mommyg8

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:15 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Those are infertility threads, not threads about being jealous of people with large families. I'd be happy if you find me even one.

And find me even one thread that starts off as jealousy about material things? Posters always say that they're not jealous, hmmm...

In actual fact, yes I do know people IRL who are jealous of women with large families. My grandmother was one, she was constantly talking about one neighbor that had 14 kids and everything was always perfect... My grandmother herself got married late and had three (Her first at 39) so I would say that yes, she was jealous. My own mother always spoke about this other family with 12 children and she was so amazed how the mother had everything figured out just so.

Personally, I've always been much more jealous- if I'm allowed to admit that emotion - of women with very large families who are managing well than of people with money. Because having a large family and raising them well is a personal accomplishment while money - is just something you're given.

So now you know three women.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:20 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I don't know how we got off onto this tangent of who is jealous more. I think it's a pointless argument. But in any case, as to your last point, most people are not just given money. They work very hard to earn it.

Simple1

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:25 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Those are infertility threads, not threads about being jealous of people with large families. I'd be happy if you find me even one.

Let clarify myself, it is jealousy, but more of a justified jealousy that crosses the line from wistful envy into serious intense pain. And I've spoken to people IRL about this too.

Mommyg8

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:25 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

A lot of people work very, very hard just to make it to the end of the month. You'd be surprised. A lucky few strike it rich. Again, how much money a person makes is totally decided by shamayim and that person's mazal, assuming that he's working to his full potential.

But actually the vast majority of people that I know who are rich have not necessarily earned it personally themselves. The vast majority.

And I know almost no WOMEN (I do know one or two but those are the exceptions) who have become rich because they themselves worked for it. It's usually the husbands who are the ones striking it rich.

And to be quite honest, someone who worked overtime just so that they can become rich- not only am I not jealous I pity them.

Raisin

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:31 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Just to be clear, most men are only able to "strike it rich" because they have this handy device called a wife, who bears their children and takes care of them, manages the house, etc (whether or not she is working most women, with very few exceptions, perform this role)

amother

Blonde

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:41 am

Raisin wrote:

This a thousand times.
I do also happen to know more than a few women who are the big earners in the household. They are rich by my books. (None of them saw the need to buy a place with 8 bathrooms, although I am sure they could afford it).

Anyway, as Raisin said, most men only got to where they got because they have a wife. Not only does the wife organize the household for them, but very often the wife is the one who put them through school, or supported the business as it started and times were tough.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:43 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

But actually the vast majority of people that I know who are rich have not necessarily earned it personally themselves. The vast majority.

This all depends who you hang out with, and what do you mean by 'rich'. Are we talking heiress rich, or just upper class?

Most richer people I know well (not from the papers) earned it themselves.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:50 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

I don’t feel bad for people living in over sized mansions with state of the art kitchens they don’t even use. If they can afford the lifestyle, it’s fine. What’s most important is whether they are kind, non judgmental people who raise their children to have good middos.

Why would you feel bad for someone in an oversized mansion with kitchens they don't use? I don't feel bad for them, I just don't see the point. And I guess I do disapprove, environmentally and socially. Environmentally, it's a waste. Socially - I dislike excessive conspicuous consumption. I think there's something distasteful about it.

I disapprove, but I don't pity them. They are where they want to be. And of course, as you say, the most important thing is that they are good people.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:58 am

Raisin wrote:

This. OMG I couldn’t believe someone really wrote that. That it’s not the wife who earned it’s all her husband.
As a wife of someone who “made it” I can tell you what nobody else knows.
I set up the company (behind the scenes)
I thought of the idea, the name, the logo, the way it would run. I basically started the whole thing myself and put it on dh’s name.
(It’s actually on both of our names on paper, but to society it looks like I’m a SAHM).
I’m a “Stay At Home Mom” to the world.
Dh really does work, I really gave it over to him and he’s good at it. But he consults with me with every big decision and we really are in it together.
But yes, when we get a tu bishvat platter from a school that we decided together to support and I was actually the one who decided to give a higher amount, the note is only addressed to my husband.
Like he’s a widower or something.
What’s wrong with people?

Mommyg8

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 8:59 am

Raisin wrote:

I wish I could agree with this and it does have some truth, but honestly - do you really think there are no bachelor millionaires? I'm sure there are. And hiring a good housekeeper/cleaner/cook is relatively inexpensive.

And besides, I wouldn't say that those women married to men who struck it rich worked harder than those who stayed middle class or poor. If anything it's the opposite, honestly.

Mommyg8

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 9:01 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

This. OMG I couldn’t believe someone really wrote that. That it’s not the wife who earned it’s all her husband.
As a wife of someone who “made it” I can tell you what nobody else knows.
I set up the company (behind the scenes)
I thought of the idea, the name, the logo, the way it would run. I basically started the whole thing myself and put it on dh’s name.
I’m a “Stay At Home Mom” to the world.
Dh really does work, I really gave it over to him and he’s good at it. But he consults with me with every big decision and we really are in it together.
But yes, when we get a tu bishvat platter from a school that we decided together to support and I actually pushed for a higher amount, the note is only addressed to my husband.
Like he’s a widower or something.
What’s wrong with people?

I know a few women who work full time because they're husbands are barely earning a thing. They w otk, literally, to put food on the table and then they come home and do everything else. Only a little bit of cleaning help, if at all. Would you like to trade places?

Mommyg8

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 9:02 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

This all depends who you hang out with, and what do you mean by 'rich'. Are we talking heiress rich, or just upper class?

Most richer people I know well (not from the papers) earned it themselves.

We obviously hang out in different circles.

Many very rich people I know are second or third generation.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 9:04 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I don’t disagree. But when it comes to the business I invested and worked just as much as my husband, and originally to get things off the ground I actually did it almost alone.
Today I don’t work as hard, but neither does he.
I don’t mind he gets the honor, he’s my husband. I want him to feel good among people.
So it’s all ok.
But no I don’t feel like a wife whose husband just “stroke it rich”.
It’s all from Gd no matter how much you try and how much you work it boils down to mazel and Gd’s will, so we’ll keep praying for success, together.

amother

Smokey

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 9:20 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

I'm not the person you asked, but people have critical opinions on all kinds of things without being jealous.
For example, I can be critical of married couples who are both high powered career people, and I can state my opinion that I think that's not a good way to raise children. I can do this without being jealous of people with high powered careers (this is just an example, not necessarily my opinion).

Same with huge families. I can criticize the concept of huge families and the way they function, the same way I can criticize the concept of a family with two CEOs as parents and latchkey kids. My criticism doesn't mean I am actually dying of jealousy.

You reek of jealously and are judgemental. You don't sound too happy with yourself and try to rationalize by putting others down.

That's 3 lifestyle put downs in one thread.