Making extra purchases without asking

amother

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 4:24 pm

finances are very tight, I am extremely frugal and think twice before making a purchase. my dh bought a gift for someone just because. no reason , not a birthday or an occasion. I'm seething... I don't mind if he buys presents for people but maybe ask me first especially if we are tight and I don't spend any money on myself and it wasn't a cheap present.

amother

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 4:56 pm

no written budget, but we budget and don't spend on anything besides basics and occasional shopping. and when I told him you should really ask me first before you make extra purchases. he said I didn't ask you first because I knew u would be upset and say no. so two things bother me here
a. he didn't ask " is it ok if I buy so and so this thing"
b. it was quite expensive and overpriced and If he would have ask me first, I would've maybe been ok with it and suggest a cheaper option for the same type of item.

I am so mad and I know if I try to reason with him or express my self it will turn into a whole fight. most of our fights are about money.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 5:37 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

You need discretionary spending in the budget.

Even if it means taking from another basic category.

If he has $50 to spend however he wishes, you won't seethe over the gift and he'll rethink his spending habits.

And you both need to go over the budget. It took me a looong time to get dh to sit down with me over the budget but it helped tremendously with both our spending habits.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 5:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Who,was the present for? That should also figure into whether what he did was reasonable or not.

paperflowers

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 9:24 pm

I get why you’re angry. Spouses should make financial decisions together and that’s not what he did, even though you are in a tight spot.

The one thing about your post that bothers me is the use of the word ask. If my husband expected me to ask him before I spent money, I definitely would not. Discuss yes, but I wouldn’t ask him. I don’t need his permission.

baby12x

Tue, Feb 25 2020, 9:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If you don't have a written budget with specific amounts specified then you don't have a budget.
You need to have amounts decided for gifts and discretionary spending.
You need to be able to each make money decisions without asking the other person but that still fits in with the plan. So like the poster said above: if you each have $50 to spend as you like then he can spend $50 abd still be in the budget (even if it's much less or more than $50).

https://adimesaved.com/budgeti.....ystem