Unintentional constant chillul Shabbos

amother

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 6:31 am

I have a terrible habit. I pick and scratch at scrapes, cuts, scabs, pimples - basically any form of open and hanging skin on most areas of my body. I also bite any 'extra' skin on my lips and inner cheeks. As a teen I had mild acne but looked awful from the many wounds I created all over my face and arms (and legs, but at least they aren't visible. Today I have many small scars all over.
Shabbos bothers me most of all. I continue to pick and scratch, making myself bleed at times - and I am consciously aware that I am being mechallel Shabbos! I don't know how to stop. I don't believe it is a compulsive behaviour because I don't engage in it all day, but definitely enough of the time that I am damaging my skin. The lip/inner cheek behaviour is the hardest because it's not something I can see myself doing, nor prevent in any way. But the rest is pretty bad too Sad

Besides the fact that it's an awful habit that's causing me to ruin the way I look...
Any advice?

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 7:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Besides the fact that it's an awful habit that's causing me to ruin the way I look...
Any advice?

https://www.bfrb.org/ maybe they can help you. Skin picking is a body focused repetitive behavior. Many people have this. And can't control themselves on Shabbos and feel so awful about it.

amother

White

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 7:29 am

I think of it like an addiction. You can't stop yourself just like that even if you know it's wrong. Hashem understands and is on our side, waiting and helping us to do better.
Three ways I would go about this:
1) to tell myself no, one single time over an entire shabbos and no matter what to leave that piece alone as testimony to Hashem that I really do care and shabbos is important to me. That is progress! Eventually I would build on that to twice and so on. Real change takes time. Rome wasnt built in a day.
2) just like an addiction, to find another activity for our hands instead of the picking. So our hands are busy with something else. This is very hard on shabbos because many other activities we would do with our hands are muktza like playing a musical instrument, a game on our phones, etc. Can you think of a way to keep your hands busy- every time you feel the urge, to immediately turn to that activity instead?
3) constant picking skin comes from anxiety. I would address that, to get to the root of the problem so you aren't constantly fighting a difficult superficial one.
4) Tanya teaches us that the actual personal struggle against the yetzer hara is what counts, not so much being perfect. Every time we have the urge to do something we know isnt right, that is our moment to shine.
Good luck! You aren't alone. We are all doing this personal struggle thing. And Hashem is with you, helping you to succeed. It says, when we have a good intention, Hashem helps us make it reality.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 9:07 am

It's a called dermatillomania, it is closely related to OCD. It's actually incredibly common, and it's crazy how how little awareness about it there is. I've picked basically every day for <20 years, but I didn't know its a "thing" until more recently.

Here's what advice I can give.

There are therapists who specialize in this. Or any therapist who specialize in CBT may be able to help. I would go to one if I could afford to.

There are also several support groups on facebook.

Annette pasternak on youtube also has a lot of useful videos about this (and a book which I didn't read).

I also recommend acne dots, they are these little circle stickers that you can put over your pimples or scabs to help them heal and stop you from picking. If you need something more "heavy duty" you can try hydrocolloid bandaids, CVS has good ones.

Rubber gloves help on shabbos.

I also struggled with a long time with makeup, I wouldn't go out on shabbos without dabbing on some concealer. So now I bought shabbos makeup, which doesn't work too well but its enough, that I managed to stop with putting on makeup.

I still have acne and that has been my biggest part of the struggle. I was always to embarrassed to go to a dermatologist, and drugstore products never worked. I signed up for curology.com about 6 weeks ago and it's working AMAZING. I now pick my face about 95% less than I used to.

Odelyah

Wed, Feb 26 2020, 9:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Shabbos bothers me most of all. I continue to pick and scratch, making myself bleed at times - and I am consciously aware that I am being mechallel Shabbos! I don't know how to stop. I don't believe it is a compulsive behaviour because I don't engage in it all day, but definitely enough of the time that I am damaging my skin. The lip/inner cheek behaviour is the hardest because it's not something I can see myself doing, nor prevent in any way. But the rest is pretty bad too Sad

Besides the fact that it's an awful habit that's causing me to ruin the way I look...
Any advice?

As others have said, this is in fact compulsive behavior and a fairly common form of OCD. Don't focus on feeling guilty but please do get professional help with a licensed and qualified therapist. Hatzlacha! You have already taken a big first step in acknowledging the issue-- now you can address it and conquer it. You are the boss! Hatzlacha!! Hug