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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Dh slept all day - vent



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 10 2020, 7:54 pm
My Purim day started really early. I drove my oldest dc to a school event, came home and picked up other kids to go to their teachers. Dh went to sleep right after he davened shacris. He woke up at around 3, took ds to his rebbe and went to his friends in my neighborhood.

I then served a meal. Usually we drive to his parents after we eat. Its about a 2 hour drive. I dont enjoy going and neither do the kids. The older kids refuse and usually stay home. Dh gets really mad when this happens.

I wasnt intrested in the drama this year. I said we aren't going.

Dh is upset because he doesn't feel like he had a purim. He didn't because he SLEPT all day. Dh said he slept so that he has energy to do the drive. I'm really upset. Dh should have helped out by taking kids to friends.
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 10 2020, 8:00 pm
Just curious if you had discussed your Purim plans beforehand? If he had known you weren't going to make the drive would he still have slept?
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amother
Navy


 

Post Tue, Mar 10 2020, 8:10 pm
I would be livid if my husband slept on purim. It’s the most stressful day of the year for me.
The coming and the going and the traveling an taking the kids to the teachers etc. etc. I really feel for you!

Like previous poster is saying maybe you could have worked out the plans better before but NO I personally don’t think it’s a day for sleeping not when you are busy running around with the kids unless he has a legitimate reason why he must sleep during the day...

I’m sorry you had such a day OP. Sounds very tough.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 10 2020, 8:35 pm
hodeez wrote:
Just curious if you had discussed your Purim plans beforehand? If he had known you weren't going to make the drive would he still have slept?

.
Every year I tell dh that I dont want to go, but I do end up going. This year I had a few valid reasons why we shouldn't go. If I agreed to go I would have to convince/bribe atleast some kids to come along.

Dh hates traffic. He used to take the kids out on purim, he hasn't done it in years.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2020, 1:05 am
If it's important to him he should have went himself . Not fair to expect you to do childcare all day and then shlep out.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2020, 1:21 am
I understand that it is a shlep, and that not all parents / in-laws / grandparents are charming and lovely, and I know that this is not the focus of your vent, but why is it not a command performance for the children to go if parents are going to grandparents for a Purim seuda?
I do not care if the grandparents smell like old people, only speak a language you don't understand and pinch cheeks, or are hautey, condescending, and demanding. You put on some clean clothes, brush your hair, and smile and nod, smile and nod, and one again, smile and nod.
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eileengray




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2020, 2:58 am
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
I understand that it is a shlep, and that not all parents / in-laws / grandparents are charming and lovely, and I know that this is not the focus of your vent, but why is it not a command performance for the children to go if parents are going to grandparents for a Purim seuda?
I do not care if the grandparents smell like old people, only speak a language you don't understand and pinch cheeks, or are hautey, condescending, and demanding. You put on some clean clothes, brush your hair, and smile and nod, smile and nod, and one again, smile and nod.


I agree with what you said except for the bolded. Kids should not have to tolerate unwanted touch or abusive language. As parents we need to be advocates for our kids and help set boundaries with the grandparents.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2020, 3:35 am
I'm confused.

Did he sleep so he had the energy to drive 4 hours by himself, because you put your foot down and said that you and the kids aren't going?

Or did he sleep and then not go to his parents because he hadn't understood that you really meant no this time?

Either way, it sounds like the two of you need to talk things out and make a plan for next year that isn't overwhelming, and offers Purim simcha to all. If possible.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2020, 3:41 am
It sounds like he is sleeping to avoid driving around town all day with the kids. I know it stresses my dh out and one of my driving age kids will not get behind the wheel on Purim because the roads are so unpredictable.

I'm curious what he would do if there were no drive and no requirement for him to drive people around. What if you did the driving and he manned the house? Accepted and gave back, watched any cooked food, etc
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2020, 4:05 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My Purim day started really early. I drove my oldest dc to a school event, came home and picked up other kids to go to their teachers. Dh went to sleep right after he davened shacris. He woke up at around 3, took ds to his rebbe and went to his friends in my neighborhood.

I then served a meal. Usually we drive to his parents after we eat. Its about a 2 hour drive. I dont enjoy going and neither do the kids. The older kids refuse and usually stay home. Dh gets really mad when this happens.

I wasnt intrested in the drama this year. I said we aren't going.

Dh is upset because he doesn't feel like he had a purim. He didn't because he SLEPT all day. Dh said he slept so that he has energy to do the drive. I'm really upset. Dh should have helped out by taking kids to friends.


A two hour drive on Purim is very hard. The day is busy and exhausting enough without shlepping to visit relatives.
I would suggest you cut down on all the trips to the teachers and get take out for the seuda and bring it to your in laws. If you didn't like it this year, maybe plan something better for next year.
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