Meeting future sister in law for the first time

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 2:31 am

My brother is dating someone seriously and wants me to meet her. For various reasons, she has not met my parents yet and will be meeting me first. I'm so excited! What should I have out? They are in their upper 20's/low to mid 30's. We are light yeshivish.

Also if I have something out on the dining room table I'm wondering if I should take off the tablecloth and expose the actual table, which is nice? We only use that table for Shabbos so the white shabbos tablecloth and disposable plastic is always on but the actual table is nice. The only thing is it will get easily scratched. Like if I have a tray of fruit out and plates and water and glasses.

Your suggestions please!! Thank you!

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 2:35 am

Do not risk scratching your table! You want to be relaxed and happy during this meeting!

amother

Beige

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 3:44 am

If they’re yeshivish you can leave the tablecloth on ... but it’s more polished to take it off and use a placemat under some nuts/ chocolate and drinks.

BatyaEsther

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 3:53 am

I also would keep the table covered so that you don't worry about it. Regarding what you have out, the most important thing to bring out is your biggest, warmest, most genuine smile. It is so much more important to make her feel comfortable than impressed by your balabatish skills. (If you can do both great, but don't stress yourself out trying to be the perfect hostess because if you focus too much on the "stuff" you may come across as aloof and cold). Enjoy, have fun, and everything should be with Mazel and bracha.

rivkam

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 5:34 am

It is quite nerve wracking the first meeting so good luck! Try and be as welcoming and friendly as possible. I'm sure they wont be fussed about the exact appearance of your house

imasinger

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 6:40 am

She's probably more nervous than you are.

The more you make yourself comfortable, the more you'll be in a good position to put her at ease. Don't worry about how your table looks; I doubt she'd think about it. Focus on your warm smile and maybe some cute stories about your family when everyone was younger.

amother

Rose

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 7:15 am

That's so nice!
I had the exact same thing recently, only it was the male half of the couple we were meeting (my sister's chosson). You can leave the tablecloth on. Put out a small assortment of small candies/nuts/chocolate and some water. She probably won't eat anything (although she may, in effort to be polite and make a good impression). She's probably a LOT more nervous than you are- not that that makes any difference to you. I was also super nervous and I saw that my sister's date was clearly nervous. It was very sweet though, I took it as a sign that he was anxious for it to work out and for him to make a good impression on us (he did- he's a real mentsch).
Good luck. Perhaps prepare some neutral talking points in case conversation lulls, or find out from your brother some ideas you can talk about - things you may have in common. You'll do great! You're an awesome sister!

amother

Teal

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:11 am

Don't worry about the table. Do what you'll feel comfortable with.
One of my kids met her siblings in law before her MIL due to an extended family situation that came up. She had such a great day with them and decided she was ready ;-D

yo'ma

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:14 am

In my opinion, you’re thinking too much into it. Like others said, just be relaxed. If you want to protect your table, protect it, but highly unlikely she would notice the difference. I know I wouldn’t.

amother

Wed, Mar 11 2020, 9:13 am

Thank you so much everyone!! Really appreciate all the replies!!

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