So confused about going to parents/in laws for pesach

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WWG1WGA

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 1:30 am

Listen I'm really sad about not going to my parents either. I miss them and don't get to see them often. However, if I put them at risk I don't know how I would live with myself. Sometimes love hurts.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 1:45 am

I live in Lakewood and so do my siblings. None of us have made pesach before, but we are all staying home alone.

DrMom

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 2:07 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I don't see that it says here anything about not going to parents.

It says

STAY HOME; SAVE LIVES

in huge red block letters.

How much more clear can it be?

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 4:18 am

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

You do what you need to do and don't worry about anyone else. People make their own choices. Most of the time it turns out fine.

Well, most times, their choices don't put other people's lives at risk.

This time, they do.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 4:18 am

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

Can everyone on this thread who is making the hard, right decision to stay home, help me on all the other threads where I seem to be the only one defending common sense? It’s amazing how many excuses there are when you put your mind to it Banging head

I am. I am.

Banging head

amother

Silver

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 4:41 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

And everyone is telling me 'nebach, how will you do it' Punch

Not to take sides in any way or to minimize you or your fears. Only maybe to calm you down if that is the outcome.
I made Pesach myself when my oldest was 3 years old. I had 2 children, expecting my third. I thought it was the best thing I did for myself and my family. We had privacy, the kids got their attention, and I didn't take it hard at all. Actually, I opened the hagada to the Seder area and followed page by page to be able to make my shopping list. I ended up loving it.
Now, I get the anxiety. It's the first time you're doing it and it's all by yourself. It's hard to think clearly and thinking clearly and staying calm are my strengths. But if you think of it, anyone who will host you has had a first time as well. Maybe not at your age n stage, but a first time for anything is more difficult.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 5:37 am

I totally understand you, I have made Pesach (Some meals) since I was married for 2 years and this year it's so difficult for me. I was supposed to go abroad- that's off, supposed to move into my new hpuse- that's off, living in temporary house so I though this year I will have to go to my parents but I can't, they are in their 60's and it's not fair to expose them.
I honestly have no clue how pesach is going to happen as I have not done a thing yet, and I got a few week old baby.....
But I know that Hashem will help me and that Pesach will be different this year.

lovetobemommy

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 6:12 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

lovetobemommy: your post is beautiful and true.

we have 3 kids, working full time, making pessach every year for the past 10 years BUT this time elderly relatives will not come, rather stay alone which tears my heart. I will send food , thats all I can do Sad

how sad. we usually have full house on pessach, bochrim, family, neighbors, friends, widdows, divorcees, students... u name it. im anxious about being 'alone' with dh and the kids (im grateful we have each other!!!), but it is far from normal, and knowing that my fil will be alone for seder, my uncle will be alone, my dear mother will sit alone, dh's aunts will sit alone (all these relatives are over 75), some are in not so good condition, some dont know how to rund a seder...it really amkes me sad.

my friends who stay home for the first time (young kolel familes for example) we cook for some, we share pots (shops here are closed and amazon doesnt ship many items anymore - we live in europe), for some singles we make food boxes for the seudot , tomchey shabbos helps those who lost jobs/can afford food.

please stay home you do the right thing. you do a very difficult thing.

(please excuse my bad english)

Thanks!

Let's turn this thread into a positive one!
here are some guidelines on how to get your house clean for pesach in one day, everybody is welcome to add their own tips and ideas:
This year is really just sticking to the basics, check every closet for chametz and clean only if you see actual chametz, in the kitchen clean the fridge and oven take out chametz food items and clean the cabinets that you plan to use on pesach, vacuum or sweep the floor in the entire house and then mop the entire house and you are done pesach cleaning! According to halacha you don't have to move the fridge and oven to clean underneath, any chametz that you can not reach you don't have to clean.
And of course don't forget to change the vacuum bag before sraifat chametz.

May we all have a kosher and freilichen pesach!

Ema of 5

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 7:47 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I don't see that it says here anything about not going to parents.

It also says “everyone must plan to spend pesach where they currently are.”

amother

Purple

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 8:19 am

I’m a BT and have been making Pesach forever. I don’t really understand why so many young and not so young FFBs think making Pesach is this terrifying thing. Just ask your Rav about your particular kitchen and follow what he says. It isn’t this insane grueling ordeal. It’s a joyful time that yes involves hard work, but it’s very doable. But please start now so you only have to do a little bit at a time instead of a crazy panicked marathon at the end!

Ema of 5

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 8:26 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

I understand why people are so scared this year. There is limited supplies of everything, stores are closed, people have no way to get things. Making your first pesach is a very daunting task under normal circumstances, which these are definitely not. I don’t know how long forever is, but for us, making pesach at home was a choice. There was a lot of back and forth, pros and cons, etc. This year it’s not a choice, for anyone. EVERYONE should be making pesach at home this year. Oh, and don’t forget the financial aspect, pesach costs a lot of money, which on a good day many young couples don’t have, and these days many other people don’t have either, as they are not currently being paid. Whenever it was that you started making pesach at home, I’m sure it wasn’t under the same circumstances we are facing now.

keym

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 9:48 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

Not to mention the fact that Amazon is barely shipping pots and pans, amazing savings is closed, that kind of thing.
I've been making Pesach for 10 years and I'm overwhelmed. Kids all over. Can't send them to the pizza shop or park for an hour, huge lines at the stores to find out that they're out of basics.

banana123

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 9:53 am

keym wrote:

Libun and hagala?

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 9:54 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

While I liked the 2 posts below yours, I do think your voice is valuable. Notwithstanding how much more difficult it is this year, there are readers who are making Pesach for the first time. I think all three posts, yours and the next 2 are all encouraging and endorsing.

mra01385

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:30 am

Firstly, along with cleaning the fridge and freezer, the oven and stove has to be cleaned and kashered and stainless steel sinks as well.
Secondly, I’ve also been cleaning for Pesach for many years and I even made a few sedarim before. It is very hard and involves lots of work especially with having young children around. So I totally understand how it is very hard for people to just make Pesach for the first time without any pre planning before hand. On the other hand, you don’t want to spread the virus to others especially the elderly or else next year these elderly relatives may not be around chas vshalom.
This year making Pesach for me is especially difficult for many reasons. 1)My kids are home all day and need attention (even though they are elementary age). They help a bit too with whatever they could on their age level. 2) I’m physically disabled due being on oxygen full time. 3) I have no cleaning lady as my kids have colds and I’m afraid to bring in a cleaning lady because she may have been exposed to the virus and I’m high risk if I do get the virus. 4) I also have to cook all the meals myself as I no one will be having guests this year. 5) my husband works full time in a grocery store so is not available to help me that much.
So even though I feel overwhelmed and don’t know how I will get to Pesach I feel like every one is in the same boat and imyh HaShem will help everyone get to Pesach one way or another. I’m doing it slowly every day a little bit. Make yourself a schedule and a checklist of what you want to accomplish each day. Also, amazing savings and the close out store may have website to order from, or see if the store is open just for pick up. You can also order from bed bath and beyond for all your pots and small appliances. I wish everyone much hatzlacha!!! Smile

keym

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:34 am

banana123 wrote:

Libun and hagala?

Complicated

thriver

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:58 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

I am sitting shiva and can't really make any decisions at the moment, but as DH says, we will do whatever we have to do. If that means staying home and making Pesach with all the challenges that I mentioned above, then that is what we will do. Somehow. We'd rather do that than risk the lives of my husband's parents and the grandparents of our children.

You are a superwoman. May all of your zechusim bring an Aliya to your loved one. Wishing you much strength and siyatta dishmaya

Ema of 5

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 12:13 pm

banana123 wrote:

Libun and hagala?

I believe (but I could be wrong) that that can’t be done with Teflon and other non-stick. But again, I could be wrong.

banana123

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 12:17 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

I believe (but I could be wrong) that that can’t be done with Teflon and other non-stick. But again, I could be wrong.

I think you're right...maybe we're wrong though.

I thought people still have metal. Very Happy

amother

Purple

Tue, Mar 24 2020, 2:57 pm

Very true that it will be more challenging to make Pesach this year due to limited shopping, not being able to send kids out, etc. There are logistics challenges. But on the other hand, there will be so much less pressure to make things fancy and perfect. I think it may be easier in some ways for this to be the first time people make Pesach. Everyone will understand that the goal is just to have a KLP kitchen and KLP food. No running yourself ragged trying to make everything look like a magazine spread or your mom's house. No confusing spring cleaning with Pesach cleaning. Just do the minimum and enjoy the sedarim! A couple of years, due to significant health issues, I just closed up my kitchen and sold it. We cooked on burners in the dining room. It was still a beautiful YT.

I also think that young couples are often better off financially than older couples. Life gets very expensive when you're paying tuition for older kids, making simchas, etc. Now to have coronavirus stuff on top of that, oysh. Currently my income is zero because I'm a non-salaried therapist and all the schools are closed. We plan to eat a lot of potatoes this YT! A lot of my friends the same age as me (mid-40's to 50's) are in serious financial difficulties with this coronavirus situation, but their kids just blissfully assume that mommy and tatty are fine. Many young couples could afford to make Pesach much more easily than their parents could afford to host them this year, even if health concerns weren't the main issue.

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