Who's making pesach for the first time?

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 3:46 pm

Married almost 26 years. Never stayed home for Pesach. Was planning to go away until last week. Now my husband and I are sick and we have to make Pesach. 7 kids home. Not sure how we'll pull this off.

amother

Ruby

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 3:50 pm

Married 3 years, making Pesach for the first time.
Unlike all my friends who are deciding today that they are staying home, I started thinking about it a week and half ago, so I pretty much bought everything I need and cleaned everything besides the kitchen already. Woohoo!

Cheiny

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 3:51 pm

Roots wrote:

first few yrs we sold the house
past 2-3 yrs wewere home chol hamoed and every yr added another few kitchen utensils
this yr: we'll be here leil haseder! and the whole pesach!!
I have 1 pot and 1 frying pan
1 set of silverware
few spoond and knives
few glass serving dishes
3 dairy mugs
a peeler
and may Gd help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know you can order lots of stuff on amazon and get them quickly. No toiveling this year.

Cheiny

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 3:52 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

It's not our first time, but we've failed miserably every time.

Someone please help us clean and send us food.

Order the book Pesach Made Easy by Rabbi Tendler, on Amazon. He tells you how to do it in a few hours....anything more is spring cleaning.

Cheiny

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 3:53 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

I always thought the idea of having a yt where the theme leading up to is is cleaning was brilliant. I cleaned for the 1st 5 years of marriage even thou I wasnt home. Last year I was home chol hamoed and 2nd days. This year I was planning to have parents for the seder and go away 2nd days. Instead we will be home the whole time w.o company but not much changes in terms of prep. I had a list I was working thru for cleaning. Ill post it. I admit im backside with lists and doing things in advance. I cant handle last min tension and stress...
✅dc1 and 2 room (march 8)
✅baby room. (Mar 1)
✅Master. (Mar 1 - closet. Ms march 7 the rest)
Dh study (Mar 7 closet.)
✅Linen closet (cleaning lady)
Laundry room (cleaning lady)
✅Bathroom (Feb 16- medicine)
✅Dining room (ms march 28th)
Kitchen
✅2 coat closets (Feb 23)
✅Utility closet. (Feb 23)
✅Attic. (Feb 16)
✅Garage (shushan purim march 11th)
✅my work room (freezer) (shushan purim mar 11)
✅Playroom (mar 15)
✅Office. (Feb 9)
✅Guest room (Feb 9)

Cars
Kids backpacks
Coat pockets
Garbage cans

I think you’re doing spring cleaning. You have food and chometz in your linen closet? Garbage cans don’t have to be done.

Cheiny

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 3:55 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I've been making Pesach for 17 years, but this is the first time I'll be doing it alone. Leading my own seder just feels weird. Study

One of the issues that has been coming up again and again in the past week during phone calls I have been having with my community, and with others from further afield, is the fact that people will be on their own for the Seder this year, or their Seder will be drastically reduced in numbers, with children or parents elsewhere, all isolated in the midst of the current coronavirus social-distancing self-quarantine situation which is so important to prevent the spread of the disease.

Some people will literally be by themselves, solitary, with no one to do the Seder with at all. “How can we do Seder by ourselves?” they ask me. “Doesn’t the Pesach Seder need to be done with family and guests?”

I have thought about this a lot, and would like to address everyone’s concerns by sharing an extraordinary conversation with you that I had about eighteen months ago.

I just happened to be in New York at the time, and a friend of mine messaged me that his daughter had become engaged. I texted him back that I was around and would be able to attend the engagement party, and that night I drove to Monsey to celebrate the simcha.

While I was at the party, I bumped into a friend of mine, Rabbi YY Jacobson, a well-known inspirational speaker on the East Coast. I knew that Rabbi Jacobson grew up on Montgomery Street in Crown Heights, in the heart of the Chabad community, just a few blocks away from the home of the late Lubavitcher Rebbe.

There is an aspect of the late Lubavitcher Rebbe’s life that I feel is often overlooked, and we got to talking about it. The Lubavitcher Rebbe was incredibly down-to-earth, and, together with his late wife Rebbetzen Chaya Mushka, the Rebbe led a very simple life. Indeed, as hard as it may be to believe, their life together was very private.

Rabbi Jacobson often tells stories about the Rebbe when he speaks to audiences, so I asked him if he ever focuses on this particular aspect of the Rebbe’s greatness. Namely that the Lubavitcher Rebbe had no airs and graces at all, nor was he interested in the pomp and ceremony that is often the hallmark of other Hasidic leaders and ‘courts’.

“For example,” I asked Rabbi Jacobson, “do you ever tell audiences that in their sixty years of marriage, the Rebbe and his wife ate every Shabbes meal together on their own? No guests, no attendants, no public spectacle… just a married couple eating together – bringing the food in, eating, clearing the table, doing the washing up. A man who had literally tens of thousands of people at his beck-and-call! What a powerful lesson!”

Rabbi Jacobson paused for a moment, and then he smiled. “I’ve got one better for you,” he said. “A few weeks ago, I led a workshop for single mothers, and at the end of the session, I took questions from the women and encouraged them to ask any question that was on their mind. One of the ladies put her hand up, and this is what she asked me… it’s a crazy story.”

“A few months ago,” she said, “it was Pesach. The thing is, my ex-husband and I went through a very difficult breakup. After years in court over our kids, we finally settled on a shared custody arrangement, which means that we alternate Jewish holidays. This past Pesach it was my turn – my children were coming to me for Seder and I was so excited. I changed over my home for Pesach and prepared everything beautifully; it was going to be just me and the kids.”

“I was so happy about them being with me, that I told everyone: my family, my friends, my neighbors. Then, one hour before yomtov, I got a phone call from my ex – for some reason, the kids were not going to be coming. I almost fainted from shock and heartache. I was also so ashamed. I guess I could have called my parents, or I could have called my neighbors – and gone to them for the Seder. But how could I actually do that? I had told everyone my kids were coming! Truth is, I did not have the energy to even be with anyone. I felt completely and totally numb – dry and lifeless.”

“So I did the Seder by myself. On my own. It was the worst and most bitter Seder I have ever had. I just sat there crying the whole way through. Weeping. It wasn’t Pesach. It was Tisha B’Av. I did not have to eat Maror. I—my entire life!—was Maror. Yes, I went through the Haggadah and ate the Matzah; but the entire Seder took me 25 minutes.”

“Rabbi Jacobson, did I do the right thing? Did I fulfil my Seder obligation? Was it even called a Seder? Because it did not feel like a proper Pesach.”

Rabbi Jacobson told me – and believe me, as a public speaker, I know exactly what he means – sometimes your most inspirational moments in a speech are not prepared. They are a gift from God. You can prepare for hours. And then inspiration drops into your lap. Right then and there, Rabbi YY Jacobson had such a moment.

“Lady,” he said, “in 1988 the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s wife died, and he was left on his own, as they sadly had no children. She passed away in February, and two months later was Pesach. Every year the Rebbe and his Rebbetzen had Seder together, but this year he was on his own, totally by himself. Who would the Rebbe conduct the Passover Seder with?”

“I recall that a young boy, Ari Halberstam – who was later tragically gunned down on Brooklyn Bridge, in 1994 – approached the Rebbe after Maariv on the first night of Pesach and, on behalf of his mother, invited the Rebbe to his home for Seder. Ari’s family lived at 706 Eastern Parkway, just one block away from ‘770’. The Rebbe smiled at Ari, and shook his head. He thanked him profusely, but told Ari he would be having the Seder in his private office in ‘770’.”

“I was a yeshiva student at the time,” continued Rabbi Jacobson, “so I am a first-hand witness to this story. In fact, the Rebbe’s longstanding assistant Rabbi Leibel Groner offered to stay with the Rebbe, but the Rebbe sent him home to have Seder with his wife and children.”

“And so, the great Lubavitcher Rebbe – the man who inspired countless people around the world for their Seders, who personally undertook to provide a meaningful Pesach Seder for Israeli Army personnel who were on duty on the first night of Pesach via his shluchim in Eretz Yisrael – had the Seder on his own. Not one other person was present. As the Talmud says: if you are on your own, you ask yourself the ‘Ma Nishtana’ questions, and then you answer them to yourself.”

“A few of us yeshiva boys did not go home that night; we waited outside in the street – and after a couple of hours, the Rebbe opened the door to welcome Eliyahu Hanavi and recite Shefoch Chamatcha. He walked outside holding a candle and his Haggadah, said the prayer, gave us a wave, and then went back inside to finish the Seder — by himself.”

“My dear lady,” said Rabbi Jacobson, “if it was good enough for the Lubavitcher Rebbe to have the Seder on his own, trust me, your Seder was perfect!”

“He could have had his Seder with 100 people, 1000 people, or 10,000 people. He personally arranged for all the army Seders in Israel to be sponsored. He was responsible for hundreds of thousands of people celebrating Pesach on Seder night, from Kathmandu to Alaska, from San Francisco to New Zealand. But at the end of the day, he went and did the Seder on his own. He didn’t need anyone else to be close to God. He didn’t need adulation. He didn’t need validation. He sat alone and relived the Exodus from Egypt.”

“I was only 15 at the time,” concluded Rabbi Jacobson, “but despite my youth, I felt sad that the Rebbe had nobody to be with for the Seder. Why did he not invite even one person to be with him? But today, after hearing your story, I may have discovered the answer—and it is just a personal feeling. As a true Jewish leader, the Rebbe wished to empower all those souls who would ever need to do their Seder alone. He wanted them to know that their solitary Passover Seder was powerful, meaningful, and real. Jewish history and the Divine presence would dwell at their Seder just as it does at a Seder that has many people there.”

Over the past couple of weeks, as the coronavirus crisis has unfolded across the world, and the reality of our isolated situations has become ever more evident – this incredible and very moving story about the Lubavitcher Rebbe has been at the forefront of my mind.

This year, so many people – probably more people than at any other time in Jewish history – will be having the Seder on their own or without their families. All of our Seders will be diminished, and anxiety will be hovering in the air. And all of us will be thinking to ourselves – ‘is this really a proper Seder?’

I think Rabbi Jacobson’s story about the Lubavitcher Rebbe in 1988 answers that question, and it eases any doubts we may have about our impending ‘depleted’ experience. After all, “if it was good enough for the Lubavitcher Rebbe to have the Seder on his own, trust me, your Seder is going to be just perfect!”

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 5:54 pm

I've never made Pesach before. We've always split between my parents and my in laws. Obviously this year that's not an option.

I got up from shiva yesterday and went straight into making Pesach. B"H DH was able to get some preliminary shopping done so we'll have the basics even if I would have preferred slightly different stuff. He went to tovel it all in a lake today since the keilim mikvaos are all closed and we just finished washing everything in our laundry room sink.

Making Pesach is really the last thing I want to do right now but I don't really have a choice. I would much prefer to go to family and be able to hug everyone and cry together when we miss our loved one. We're going to do our best to make this Pesach special so the children will be happy even without their cousins to play with.

momof2+?

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:19 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

I basically could have written this, except that I am married 8 years. I also have to clean the dining room and my and my husbands bedroom closets. Yay us!On

Edited to add that I wonder if we would start a new poll, if there would be more of us making pesach for the first time. I think that lots of people are just realizing the reality now.

Refine

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:48 pm

I'm making it for the fourth time (married ten years bh). First time without a cleaning lady and all of the kids home. I'm really behind. I might split some cooking with my mother.
First time without guest as well, so will be all that work and missing the party.
Some of my regular guest are making pesach for the First time and I have a suspicion that next year they will be chipping in more (and complaining less about the crazy schedules and the different food.) Unless they will appreciate being home with less chaos (like us I guess), in which case we'd miss them.

octopus

Mon, Mar 30 2020, 9:49 pm

12th year!!! Woohoo!! Love making my own Seder!!

tryinghard

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 12:15 am

Married 11 years and this is my first time... though I really did a huge portion of the work with my mother every year, so I sort of know what I’m doing.
Figured this out about 2 weeks ago (was wondering and making contingency plans since a week before Purim - bought a couple pans and contact paper, paper goods and grape juice, made sure we would have matzah just in case). So I’m pretty well off bH.

DVOM

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 8:09 am

My husband and I are married for 12 years and have always gone to family for pesach. That was the plan for this year as well until about 2 weeks ago...

We're making pesach for the very first time. We have a beautiful antique seder plate, 8 glasses, and 2 seashell shaped china plates that I inherited when my grandfather passed away. That's it! No pots, pans, not even a knife. The good news is my kids are picky eaters and my husband and I don't need anything fancy. We had a long chat with our (very disappointed- they love their grandparents and cousins and don't fully grasp why they can't see them) kids about the pesach foods that they really love and would miss. So now we have about 5 essential cakes to make. Other than that its gonna be scrambled eggs, grilled chicken, and chulant. We'll manage.

We've started with cleaning. It was a scary thought, but once we got into it its been going pretty quickly. The bedrooms and bathrooms and upstairs playroom is done. That leaves the downstairs playroom, living room, dining room and kitchen. Im planning on tackling the downstairs playroom today.

Raisin

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 8:18 am

20th time making pesach but first time without a single guest. (I might send some food to people who need) Just my kids who are mostly teens so able to help. I usually run a communal seder also which is a ton of work.

I am totally chilled this year. Just as well since I am sick and no household help... Not that it won't be any work but definitely less then usual.

Also being forced to clothes shop online saves a lot of time.

mo5

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 9:36 am

Raisin wrote:

This. 19 years the basics. Seder for 15. Plus communal Seder.
B”h we’re all well. Went through my food shopping lists and realized that without cooking for a crowd, some items don’t need to be bought at all!
Kids from teens down but they are all capable of helping.

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 9:49 am

Cheiny wrote:

Cheiny, did this happen to you and if not, what is the source?

And even if the latter, I like your post no less for it. I think this was beautiful to share. I don't know if you saw it recently, or if you were recently reminded of it, but it took chochma and sensitivity to retrieve it and share it here.

PinkFridge

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 9:54 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

I was OTD for a number of years. Came back and we went away for Pesach every year. So this is the first time since then that I’m making Pesach at home. I feel like I will do everything wrong. I have no family to help me. I only have one sibling, a sister who lives in Texas. She is somewhat religious, more Conservative or Orthodox-lite (if that exists). Our parents are the same way and I’m not sure if they know all of the halachos of Pesach. I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I learned I don’t have to drive myself into an early grave to prepare for Pesach. But my kids are uninterested and the only reason they’re not with their father, who is not religious, is because traveling is basically a no-go at this time. There aren’t many Jewish people around me. Most are reform or secular with some Conservative tossed in. Chabad has been my only help. I’m so stressed but I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hoping I get there.

First of all, I think we need to clone FF so she can be everyone's personal cheerleader.
Second of all, hat's figuratively off for your having the perspective to see the light at the end of the tunnel. May you continue to have perspective, and may it lead you to, difficult as it is to imagine, some general simcha over the next few weeks.

There are many shiurim available that distill preparing for Pesach, especially this year.
The most important thing that you can project to your kids, and I hope this is so for you, is that even if you aren't on the same page, you're happy that they're stuck with you so you're not alone. Whether or not they show it, or participate in any way, they will register your walking the walk that is important to you and that will be a very meaningful message.

We don't have the old time rebbes of the 17 and 1800s but I feel like there will be a lot rebbes in the World of Truth who will be laughing and smiling and cheering on all the truly beautiful sedarim down here. And they know what true beauty is.