My husband is sick in bed and I have no one to turn to

amother

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 1:49 pm

I’m panicking because my husband is not a well person. Never took care of his health. Is on so many different medications. Never exercised in his life ( he is 62).
Always said that it is my fault for the way he is because I should always be there for him to take care of.
I am not his mother but his wife.

He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him to not go out. He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him to not smoke or drink. He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him that if he does go out to wear gloves and a mask and wash his hands and not touch his face and take his shoes off when he comes in.
No he yelled I am micromanaging him and he will do how he pleases.
Now that he is sick he wants me to take care of him like he is a baby.

I am too drained to stay up to make sure he could breath and function during the day making Pesach and being there for the kids.
Anyone else relate?

Thanks for listening.

imasinger

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 2:00 pm

That's really hard.

Set boundaries. Just because he wants you to care for him 24/7 doesn't mean that you can.

Is he quarantined from you and the kids? Make sure he has Tylenol, blankets, plenty of water, a humidifier, meals and snacks. Maybe something to do. Then, tell him you'll check in every hour or two, but will not be available until then except for emergency.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 2:14 pm

OP, that's really hard Sad

Sounds like you have a lot of conflicting emotions.

You're worried and scared because he's at high risk of complications.
You're upset at him for not taking better care of his health.
You're resentful that he expects you to baby him now.
You're defensive that he's blaming you for his poor health.
You're overwhelmed with the general chaos that's our lives.
You're torn because you have children that want your attention also.

You didn't even mention your own personal fear - if DH is 62, you must be in your 50s yourself, and are probably worried about getting it yourself.

All of your feelings are valid, and you don't need to feel bad for having them.

You also don't need to resolve them now, there's probably too much going on right now for that.

Imasinger made some very good points about the practical side.

But please, take care of yourself also. It's going to be hard, but you can do this.

Refuah Sheleimah to DH!

amother

Yellow

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 3:59 pm

He needs to be quarantined from you so you don't get sick. That as practical advice.

No, its not your fault, and you weren't micromanaging. You were loving him. He just simply is wrong.

But you love him anyway and are concerned for him. Send him food and stuff to read or his phone but you need to care for the house running, pesach & your health. If he can't see that too bad. But you do what needs to be done. Tell him you love him and you'll feed him and check.in on him but it do no good if you're sick too.

amother

Tue, Mar 31 2020, 5:45 pm

Thanks for your replies.

Problem is I am sick myself. Been sick for a week and a half already.
He refuses to stay in the bedroom. Comes out and breaths all over everything and uses the sink.
I cant stop him.
I just go around spraying everything with disinfectant and hope it helps.

I give him Tylenol and liquids, stuffing him with vitamins and garlic water.