Feeling so sad, overwhelmed, yet I always make Pesach

amother

Wed, Apr 01 2020, 9:22 am

I have 5 kids KAH, ages 4-14. I'm still working from home in a limited capacity. Most of my day is *supposed* to be taking care of kids, helping them with school work, etc, and getting ready for Pesach.

In reality, I just feel sad. Want to cry. Want to hide in my bedroom.

I always make Pesach. We don't usually have family so that's not such a change for us. I just don't know what's wrong with me.

I feel like all I do is yell at my kids for fighting, making a mess, being loud. Logically I know that there is fun and productivity interspersed with the chaos but the chaos feels stifling.

I want to hide. Drive away and not come back.

My husband is still working out of the house. And when he's home it's harder, not easier.

Ugh.

amother

Smokey

Wed, Apr 01 2020, 9:45 am

There are too many issues piled up at once. Nothing is wrong with you. We're all in it together.
Pesach is a stressful season.
Kids are out of school.
You can't get out of the house with them.
It's chaotic.
Coronavirus is niggling in the back, or forefront, of your mind.
You're reading upsetting news.
They are lots of emotions at play.
And pesach needs to get done somehow.
And on and on...

I don't have the headspace or emotional place to be able to daven like I should.
What I am trying to do during these days is scream less, lose it less, as a zechus For the cholim and klal yisrael.

I have a child who is pushing my buttons, and everyone's, all day.
I've been putting him in time out as soon as I feel angry, so we can cool off. I'm sure imas will not like that advice, but it's keeping me sane. My other kids are grateful for it.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Apr 01 2020, 9:57 am

My life sounds exactly like yours

I’m finding pesach so hard this year. Doesn’t make sense. (I guess it does. DH and I have our full time work + kids home and no household help).

I can’t understand why I’m cutting so many corners this year and running so late.

Tries2BGoodMom

Wed, Apr 01 2020, 11:22 am

Yes I am having same issue. I work full time and can’t keep up with all the kids’ homework and making Pesach. It is a rough time. BH just one more week and Pesach will be here and then we will have a break from HW and cleaning!!

Chayalle

Wed, Apr 01 2020, 12:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't think so. I like socializing. Being amongst others helps me feel purpose.

Interesting.

Some introverts describe feeling like this, that's why I asked.

It's possible that the lack of socialization is making you feel down.

Do you have people you can shmooze with on the phone? Would that give you a lift?

zaq

Wed, Apr 01 2020, 2:35 pm

Nothing is 'wrong' with you. You're stressed out, and with good reason. Being at home all day for weeks at a time with kah 5 kids who can't go out is a recipe for anxiety and depression even without the added strain of making Pesach.

Try to find some time and space to be good to yourself. Your oldest at 14 is old enough to look after the younger ones for an hour or two a day while you lock yourself in your bedroom or bathroom and do whatever you like: snooze, schmooze, cogitate, meditate, eat a snack, hit the sack, watch funny videos on youTube, polish your nails or polish off your secret stash of chocolate, call up your bffs and shoot the breeze, take out your darts and shoot them at a picture of donald trump, schmear green peppermint-scented glop on your face and Dead Sea mud on your body, or do anything else that floats your boat.

Mama Bear

Thu, Apr 02 2020, 12:51 am

I'm going through this too. a lot of us are.
I want to give you a bit of good news. Once you'll have turned over and actually cooking for yomtov, the mood in your house will change.
I have a bit of a 'difficult' teenage son and things are harder than they should be bc of his behavior. Today suddenly there was a shift in the house, bc I was able to give him jobs like covering the countertops and juicing lemons. He's a different person. There's a sense of purpose in the air. We don't feel so aimless and uncertain anymore. Pesach is real. It's familiar. The house feels more 'normal' again.
I think things are gonna get better. Pesach will anchor you and your family.
((HUGS))

keym

Thu, Apr 02 2020, 9:28 am

Mama Bear wrote:

Thank you for this. I've been struggling with my teen daughter and preteen sons. And ive been a little dreading Pesach.
But I think you're right. When the chores are "familiar Pesach" as opposed to "stuck at home cuz of Corona", when we pull out the old familiar dishes and pots and start making the brownies that we never have enough on Pesach and way too much after Pesach, I'm hoping things will get better.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Apr 02 2020, 9:34 am

Dear Op -- mega hugs!
what do you mean you don't know whats wrong with you....

nothing! this is a normal response in an abnormal time

if nothing else PLEASE be kind forgiving and patient with yourself!

hugs and hatzlocha