Elderly parent moving in now

amother

Fri, Apr 17 2020, 3:13 pm

The retirement home where my mother lives just announced they have some positive cases of COVID-19. I found out a few minutes before candle-lighting on Tues. My husband and kids and I talked at length about this over yomtov and decided we would offer to move her in with us for a month or however long is needed for there to be no new cases there. My mother would be very high risk to get coronavirus and have bad complications.
We are all very nervous about this bc she's not an easy person to be around (anger, irritable, early dementia) and she is not frum. so since she has no filter (thank you dementia) she will possibly spout off repeatedly about our 'fanatic" "ultra-Orthodox" lifestyle'"
I don't know exactly why I'm posting, I don't need practical advice (yet) or thoughts on what else we should do instead of move her in with us. Obviously if there were other options we would have gone that route. I think mainly I'm looking for chizzuk and wondering if anyone else is dealing with a similar situation?

amother

Pearl

Fri, Apr 17 2020, 3:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't have practical advice to offer, but I can lend some moral support. You are doing the right thing, and very possibly saving your mother's life. I'm the first person on this board to admonish anyone who is not following social distancing, but your case is a definite exception. I work in a similar setting to a retirement home, and once the virus is inside, it wreaks havoc and spreads like wildfire. I've watched too many die.

ETA - have you considered a home health aide to assist? They are being meticulously screened, so the possibility of exposure is very limited compared to an entire facility with multiple personnel.

ROFL

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 12:09 am

You are doing the right thing but it is hard for a person with demintia to live with your family. You are teaching your kids that it is a real kibud em to do this. One thing I found is that I don’t disagree with my mother at all all. If she says something I either deflect or agree with her. There is. I reason for us to have her live on our reality. I tell my kids to go with the flow and live in her reality. For example my mom ask about lighting Shabbat candles. I say soon don’t worry I will tell you when. ( even if it is Sunday )
When she asks about her parents I say they are fine and hanging out on vacation in a sunny place ( they have been dead for many years )
Try to find the response that will make your mother feel better and use that response ! Best of luck to you