Being Menachem uvel over the phone

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Coronavirus Health Questions

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 3:25 pm

Immature question
Unfortunately I have to be Menachem uvel a family member I’m really not so close to.
If a/o can share exact words to say over the phone starting from when pick up phone(such as hello ,it’s so& so-...”
I’m very not verbal

Surrendered

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 3:35 pm

This is...., I'm so sorry for your loss (specify the niftars name, if you have a nice memory about the niftar, you can mention it in a sensitive way). It really hurts. There's nothing to say, only Hashem can (treisten)...Hashem should treist you. May you never know of any more pain.
And say the pasuk: Hamakom...

St ny

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 3:42 pm

I'm sitting now for my father....it's hard for everyone especially when it's so unexpected
You don't have to say much just should only hear simchas......

PinkFridge

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 3:51 pm

Why is it immature?
Do you have any nice memories of the nifter/nifteres?
You can always say, you don't know what to say, this must be especially so hard. End with the nachas she's surely bringing the nifter/nifteres, and HaMakom, if all appropriate to say.

PinkFridge

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 3:52 pm

St ny wrote:

I'm sitting now for my father....it's hard for everyone especially when it's so unexpected
You don't have to say much just should only hear simchas......

I'm just reading this now. Maybe I should edit.
I'm so sorry and I hope that you are getting nechama this week. Hugs! HaMakom yenachem eschem b'soch she'ar aveilei Tziyon VYrushalayim.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 3:55 pm

my father passed away pesach my cousins call its nice to hear from them

Surrendered

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 4:29 pm

Both my Father n law and mother n law are sitting Shiva now. One for the mother, one for the father.
It really hurts to hear that so many of you are sitting shiva.
To all of you who were and are in Shiva now:

May Hashem heal your pain, May your relatives' neshama have an aliyah and you should never know of anymore tzaar.
Hamochom Yenachem Eschem Bsoch Sh'or Aveilai Tzion Vi'rushalayim.
💔

Amelia Bedelia

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 4:36 pm

Somewhat off topic, but I know quite a few people sitting, and also need to be menachem over the phone. However, some of the people I somehow feel that I'm not close enough to call, only to visit. I really don't feel comfortable calling and am not sure what to do. Like, I never ever called in my life. They may not even know who I am but would probably recognize me as a second cousin (for example) if I'd visit. To make things even more uncomfortable, I can't even be menachem all of them at once. I would need to call them each individually. Can anyone relate?

Also, how appropriate is it to text or email instead of calling?

St ny and Cerise: so sorry to hear! המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים. Only simchos.

Op, I would just say: It's [your name]. I was so sorry to hear! Share memories if you have. Then the passuk. Keep in mind that the niftar is getting many many phone calls and is really not nitpicking what you say. As long as you don't get too personal or say anything inappropriate, you're ok and are mekayeim the mitzvah.

gingertop

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 4:48 pm

It's really hard. There is very little to say. This is true of any visit, but face to face, you can just sit there and listen to what others are saying, say a few words, cry with the avel, and say hamakom. The phone puts a barrier and doesn't allow you to sit there and hear beautiful things about the niftar. Especially the calls I've had to make for people who I had to be menachem but whose lost family members I didn't really know, I'm completely lost. Zoom calls are slightly easier because it somewhat mimics real life shiva. I dread every shiva call.
Basically, I say that I don't know what to say, that I am so sorry for the loss, whatever I know about the niftar. and hamakom. It's terribly painful and difficult.

PinkFridge

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 6:34 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

Also, how appropriate is it to text or email instead of calling?

St ny and Cerise: so sorry to hear! המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים. Only simchos.
.

I think under the circumstances in your case, it's appropriate. Especially so that the aveil can concentrate on whoever's on the phone at the time.
What could really hit the spot is a snail mail letter.

St ny

Sun, Apr 19 2020, 8:01 pm

Thanks
Text or email is absolutely a good idea .

Page 1 of 1