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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
OP
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Sun, Apr 19 2020, 9:47 pm
She will totally freak out and not sleep at night. She will also need to call her friend and but she will be filled with anxiety. Any ideas how to tell her in a way that won't make her scared or too sad?
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amother
Seafoam
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Sun, Apr 19 2020, 9:58 pm
I'm so sorry BDE!
Don't know how old your daughter is
but maybe it might help -
the way I told my kids about my fil's petira was sort of along the lines of
Zeidy's neshoma went to stay with Hashem until Moshiach. His body gets buried in the ground until his neshama will need it again by moshiach. Zeidy is happy in shamayim with Hashem because he's doing what he loves most - learning Torah (this was true!!!) but we who are left behind are so sad. But Hashem is taking care of his neshama.
It's okay to be sad. It's okay if you're feeling scared. Letting her know that she will/might be feeling a bunch of confusing emotions, now and for a while, is important - andthat you want to listen if she wants to share, and you can help her find answers if she has questions (Rabbi, therapist, books) or are just happy to listen or be sad with her. Also validate that shiva over the phone is super weird and having a friend who is an orphan can be super difficult and you support her and want to help her be a good friend or talk out the stress of it.
I'll bet Links (Sarah Rivkah Kohn) has great resources too.
If your kid has a therapist or if you know a therapist you can ask for help (I was lucky we did) you can also google grief for kids.
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amother
Crimson
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Sun, Apr 19 2020, 10:07 pm
She's 12!
She knows what's going on. She knows that there are lots of ppl dying of corona.
She probably knew he was sick too.
Just tell her unfortunately he was niftar. "I hope you can be a good friend for her, I know you're sad, I'm sad too but I'm sure you'll do a great job at supporting her because she will need you now more than ever."
Be ready to answer any questions she may have and give her lots of hugs.
My daughter has a classmate that lost her father last week, this corona situation is really terrible.
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amother
Black
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Sun, Apr 19 2020, 10:08 pm
Oy. So sorry. Chai Lifeline is really good with this. I think they have a 24 hour number.
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amother
Amethyst
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Sun, Apr 19 2020, 10:13 pm
I'm so sorry, OP. I'm sure you are losing dear ones and people you know, and this it very distressing for you.
Chai lifeline has a phone number to call if you need help discussing this. "As always, we encourage you to contact our 24-hour crisis helpline, 855-3-CRISIS, or email us at crisis@chailifeline.org with any questions or concerns."
You may find these articles helpful too. They are regarding other tragic events, but most of the concepts remain the same.
https://www.theyeshivaworld.co......html
https://www.theyeshivaworld.co......html
Regarding being menachem avel, your child will likely be anxious about it. I'll be honest, I get anxious about these things too. I never know what to say. I would express that to your child. She will be nervous that she doesn't know what to say, but tell her that almost nobody does, and the main thing is to reach out and say I'm so sorry to hear the news and I care about you and am thinking of you. It'll be awkward, but the main thing is that the avel will remember that she called and cared.
I don't know these things. Maybe someone who sat Shiva as a child or young adult can provide better insight.
May we all know from simchos, yeshuos, and nechamos.
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amother
Royalblue
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Mon, Apr 20 2020, 11:45 am
A bit late answeing but I hope you waited to tell her this morning, not last night right before bed.
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