Another quarantine vent

amother

Fri, Apr 24 2020, 12:00 pm

Thank you, imamother, for being the only outlet I can vent to!

Here goes.
Let me start off on a good note- bH, we are all feeling ok! And bH we are all coping and not (yet) completely overwhelmed.
But it's not easy not having any breaks! My husband is studying for finals, and he is busy 16-18 hours a day, plus the entire motzei shabbos. Which leaves 100% of the work up to me. I'm so so grateful that I feel ok and that I can actually do it, but when you break it down, I am doing the impossible.
I have a 3 year old, who is very easy but still needs my attention and energy, to read to him, play a little bit with him, meal prep for him, etc etc basically not neglect him. I have a teething 7 month old who wakes up 4-5 times at night, so I am utterly beyond exhausted. I also have to entertain him, feed him, take care of him, etc.
I'm cleaning, cooking, cleaning some more. I dont even care about the toys all over the place. Halbetzara. I just cant have sticky orange juice on the table, dirty dishes in the sink, and nauseous bathrooms.
The only "breaks" I get are nursing breaks, and even then it's hardly a break. Half the time, my 3 year old will want me to read to him, which totally distracts the baby, and he totally wont listen to me when I explain to him that I'll read when I'm done. Or the baby will latch, and a second later I'll hear "MOOOOMMMMYYYYYY COULD YOU WIIIIIIPE MEEEEEEE???"
I'm constantly doing a million things at once, im in different places at one time. Like I'll be giving the baby dinner (cereal+veggies let's say) while bathing my 3 year old and Clorox wiping the toilet seat. All together.
And I'm keeping it together pretty darn well, if I do say so myself. But I start losing it when my sisters in law will post pix on the family chat "look what dh made for supper!" Or "dh surprised me and cleaned all the dishes!" And things like that. My dh literally cannot help me, not even for a minute. All the breaks he takes are bathroom breaks, davening breaks, and going to sleep at night. He eats while he studies, a meal that I had to find time to make.
Anyway.
Not looking for advice, per se. Just needed to put everything in words.
Thank you for letting me vent ❤

amother

Fri, Apr 24 2020, 12:22 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Wow you are a supermom! Just try to get through each day and eventually we will be on the other side!

Perhaps now is a good time to work on sleep training your baby. It will help you tremendously if you are doing all that you are on a decent nights sleep.

Thank you! It's nice to be heard.

Been trying for months!
Hes very allergic, so he'd be so uncomfortable all night. Once I got his allergies under control, he started with the teething pains.

amother

Copper

Fri, Apr 24 2020, 12:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you! It's nice to be heard.

Been trying for months!
Hes very allergic, so he'd be so uncomfortable all night. Once I got his allergies under control, he started with the teething pains.

Oy! Poor baby and mama! One thing that worked for my worst teether was sleeping in the carriage for a few days. It's a little elevated so the pressure was a little better. Maybe you can also try elevating one end of the mattress with towels underneath if he doesnt move around too much in his sleep

amother

Fri, Apr 24 2020, 12:38 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

That is so smart!!! Why couldn't my half-oatmeal brain think of that solution? Thank you. I will try tonight!

thriver

Fri, Apr 24 2020, 1:37 pm

From a fellow student husband/dad wife, I can relate! It is so frustrating to be overwhelmed with the kids and your husband is physically in the room over but completely unavailable. So give yourself a LOT of credit!

And keep in mind that your husband’s schooling will eventually end one day, your kids will grow up and become more self-sufficient, and PLEASE G-D, covid-19 will end one day. So just keep going one day at a time and recognize that you are doing a great job under extremely difficult circumstances. If everyone is alive and fed by the end of the day, you are a heroine!

Hatzlacha! Sending you much strength!

amother

Fri, Apr 24 2020, 2:03 pm

Thank you, bronze and thriver!
The no-help thing is rough, but I'm so so happy and lucky that my husband is in the top of his class at an ivy.
The managing my mini-me's is hard without a break, but I'm so thrilled that they're happy and healthy.
The cooking and cleaning on top of it all is never ending and almost impossible for me to do, but at least I'm feeling up to it and we get groceries.

I keep counting my blessings, but it's exhausting to force myself into that mindset. Especially when I see how helpful everyone else's DH is, and it slaps me back in place.

littleprincess

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 2:07 pm

Good luck OP
You sound like an amazing mother and wife !!
We all had enough of it but we have to continue ...
Try to treat yourself with something you like .
An occasional bubble bath
You didnt mention anything about finances which might be tight when husband is studying but maybe sometimes a good ordered supper (pizza falafel ... )
Last week one day I had enough of cooking cleaning and then cooking again . Ordered supper and took a long bath. Felt relaxed .
I dont have a baby now but teenagers who dont go to sleep until after I'm asleep so hardly have me time !! And dh is overwhelmed with work bh .
Were all allowed to complain and I'm happy we have each others ...