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My in laws are still letting everyone in!



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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 6:21 pm
hi
my in laws are in their 50s and my fil has an underlying health condition which he takes regular medication for. they have a few kids at home and one of their daughters is also pregnant.
my fil is isolating but my mil is still going out for essentials.

over pesach my their daughter moved in with their 2 kids. since then they have now moved back home but are constantly coming by and another son is also popping round with their little ones.
my husband has spoken to his parents about the real risks of it.
they say they understand, but so far havent done anything about it at all.
they hate saying no to people and would feel bad to just close their doors.
my husband says I should just stop driving him mad about it but I just cant understand how they arent othered.
I mean popping round for a visit is one thing, but having them for meals?!!
how am I meant to convince them to just CLOSE their doors?
I feel like theyr being so risky and irresponsible.
thanks.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 8:53 pm
My in laws are the same all married couples 4-all have kids coming regularly for Shabbas pesach and during week for supper etc as if nothing changed .
Nothing you can really do . You can’t control anyone but yourself!
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das




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 9:04 pm
G-d grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 9:13 pm
"Very sad, scary, and to be used as a warning:
Rabbi Haber z’l, who tragically passed away yesterday from the virus, was the founder of “Matnat Chaim”- the the Israeli version of Renewal, that arranged hundreds of kidney transplants in Israel.
His family gave out the following info today:
Due to the fact that he himself was a kidney recipient, he had quarantined himself since purim – knowing how dangerous it would be for him to get it.
He only made one exception – to allow his only son to come visit him with his daughter in law, and baby granddaughter.
It was later determined that his baby granddaughter was a carrier without symptoms, and was the one who gave it to him – and ultimately KILLED him! (His daughter in law also later caught it, but B’H is recovering nicely)
They are begging everyone to take caution and be vigilant! Protect your lives and the lives of your loved ones! Taking children to visit grandparents is the opposite of yidish nachas!!! It’s shfichas damim mamesh!!!
May we be zoche to see an end to this terrible magefa speedily and Hashem should have rachmanus on all of us!"
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asmileaday




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 9:14 pm
das wrote:
G-d grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.


THIS!
At some point you just give up and say it is what it is. Not worth getting your blood pressure up. Stay away from them to protect your own family. That's it.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 10:10 pm
ra_mom wrote:
"Very sad, scary, and to be used as a warning:
Rabbi Haber z’l, who tragically passed away yesterday from the virus, was the founder of “Matnat Chaim”- the the Israeli version of Renewal, that arranged hundreds of kidney transplants in Israel.
His family gave out the following info today:
Due to the fact that he himself was a kidney recipient, he had quarantined himself since purim – knowing how dangerous it would be for him to get it.
He only made one exception – to allow his only son to come visit him with his daughter in law, and baby granddaughter.
It was later determined that his baby granddaughter was a carrier without symptoms, and was the one who gave it to him – and ultimately KILLED him! (His daughter in law also later caught it, but B’H is recovering nicely)
They are begging everyone to take caution and be vigilant! Protect your lives and the lives of your loved ones! Taking children to visit grandparents is the opposite of yidish nachas!!! It’s shfichas damim mamesh!!!
May we be zoche to see an end to this terrible magefa speedily and Hashem should have rachmanus on all of us!"


Someone sent the above to a WhatsApp group I'm on, then later sent this: (idk if true but maybe work it to post in case)
Forward:
This was a very powerful lesson for me particularly!
Someone had actually sent me that in Hebrew, and I translated it for someone else, and then posted it here to ask if it was confirmed. The next thing I know, it was forwarded to the whole world, and I feel terrible that I forwarded an unconfirmed post, and even if it IS true, I would need the permission of ALL the ppl involved (the son, daughter in law, and even the baby) before posting. This was either lashon hara, rechilus or motzei shem ra on my part (notwithstanding the fact that the Hebrew version had already gone all over in Israel, the English version is my fault)
I have already reached out to proper ppl to try to ask mechila from the family on my behalf. Plz stop forwarding it further, and plz pass this apology on to the ones who you have already sent it to.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 11:22 pm
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Someone sent the above to a WhatsApp group I'm on, then later sent this: (idk if true but maybe work it to post in case)
Forward:
This was a very powerful lesson for me particularly!
Someone had actually sent me that in Hebrew, and I translated it for someone else, and then posted it here to ask if it was confirmed. The next thing I know, it was forwarded to the whole world, and I feel terrible that I forwarded an unconfirmed post, and even if it IS true, I would need the permission of ALL the ppl involved (the son, daughter in law, and even the baby) before posting. This was either lashon hara, rechilus or motzei shem ra on my part (notwithstanding the fact that the Hebrew version had already gone all over in Israel, the English version is my fault)
I have already reached out to proper ppl to try to ask mechila from the family on my behalf. Plz stop forwarding it further, and plz pass this apology on to the ones who you have already sent it to.


This is correct it was my mother's neighbor who sent these whatsapps. She feels horrible.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 11:28 pm
Tbh, you can't do anything to control your inlaws. Say I love you, please don't play Russian roulette. In hindsight, staying isolated for even a year until this passes is not the end of the world. It will pass. Why play? Some people lose. Even young people. The Dr s and scientists haven't had time to figure out what makes certain people suseptible yet. It's not an obvious factor at all.

Then its their lives and up to them & Hashem.
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amother
Black


 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 11:28 pm
Even if true, the baby should not grow up with this information.

The virus can live on surfaces and could have come in with a delivery etc.
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zaftigmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 25 2020, 11:33 pm
Same with my in-laws. We are using this as an opportunity to work our our middos of not judging others and on our emunah. There's literally nothing else we can do.
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Miri1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 12:00 am
asmileaday wrote:
THIS!
At some point you just give up and say it is what it is. Not worth getting your blood pressure up. Stay away from them to protect your own family. That's it.


I agree that at some point to give up, but I DO think it's worth making supreme efforts to get this message across.
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vehoson




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 3:31 am
This is like vaccine arguments. Everybody has access to plenty of data, and you can yell yourself blue in the face, but nobody is changing their minds at this point. Just daven for them (and everyone).
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 2:50 pm
ra_mom wrote:
"Very sad, scary, and to be used as a warning:
Rabbi Haber z’l, who tragically passed away yesterday from the virus, was the founder of “Matnat Chaim”- the the Israeli version of Renewal, that arranged hundreds of kidney transplants in Israel.
His family gave out the following info today:
Due to the fact that he himself was a kidney recipient, he had quarantined himself since purim – knowing how dangerous it would be for him to get it.
He only made one exception – to allow his only son to come visit him with his daughter in law, and baby granddaughter.
It was later determined that his baby granddaughter was a carrier without symptoms, and was the one who gave it to him – and ultimately KILLED him! (His daughter in law also later caught it, but B’H is recovering nicely)
They are begging everyone to take caution and be vigilant! Protect your lives and the lives of your loved ones! Taking children to visit grandparents is the opposite of yidish nachas!!! It’s shfichas damim mamesh!!!
May we be zoche to see an end to this terrible magefa speedily and Hashem should have rachmanus on all of us!"


This was his time. Hashem also ordained that there be added agmas nefesh of possible family exposure. Once they've dealt appropriately with the agmas nefesh there should be no guilt or second guessing.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 5:03 pm
thanks everyone for replying.
the thing is I KNOW my in laws are really not okay with it but they just cant seem to tell their kids NO!
its so annoying for me to hear that as my parents, who really arent as close to their kids called up all of them who arent living at home, even the single ones and asked them very politely but firmly 'Please do not come to us!"
no one can be offended by such a statement. because no one can b too careful right now.
I just think they waited so long so now its much harder to say no.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 5:05 pm
[quote="ra_mom"]"Very sad, scary, and to be used as a warning:
Rabbi Haber z’l, who tragically passed away yesterday from the virus, was the founder of “Matnat Chaim”- the the Israeli version of Renewal, that arranged hundreds of kidney transplants in Israel.
His family gave out the following info today:
Due to the fact that he himself was a kidney recipient, he had quarantined himself since purim – knowing how dangerous it would be for him to get it.
He only made one exception – to allow his only son to come visit him with his daughter in law, and baby granddaughter.
It was later determined that his baby granddaughter was a carrier without symptoms, and was the one who gave it to him – and ultimately KILLED him! (His daughter in law also later caught it, but B’H is recovering nicely)
They are begging everyone to take caution and be vigilant! Protect your lives and the lives of your loved ones!

I dont understand why this is still being passed on then.
saw it on a few whatsapp groups already and really confused Confused Confused Confused
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 6:34 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
Even if true, the baby should not grow up with this information.

The virus can live on surfaces and could have come in with a delivery etc.


your second sentence is what I am focusing on. foe the sake of argument I will agree that the virus lives on other surfaces. agree. but why cant you acknowledge that the baby had it and gave it to the grandfather? why is that so hard to understand? trying to divert the truth doesnt bring any good to anyone including yourself. so we all know he got it from the baby. and thats how it all happened. there wasnt enough hishtadlus. period. they were told not to bring in anyone and they didnt listen. like so many all over the world are not listening. they are not the only ones.

im not bashing you or anyone else. im trying to clarify how important it is to stay home. and how dangerous when we dont listen. all rabbanim listened over yom tov and said anyone who doesnt is a rodef. that how serious it is and it still is. unfortunately its having a toll on many and people are having to go to work or they wont have bread on their table. if we could all help each other with that and stay home a lot of lives can be saved and the healthcare system will not be overloaded and whoever unfortunatley needs help will get better care then they are cuz as of now the situation in the hospitals in really bad.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 7:32 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
thanks everyone for replying.
the thing is I KNOW my in laws are really not okay with it but they just cant seem to tell their kids NO!
its so annoying for me to hear that as my parents, who really arent as close to their kids called up all of them who arent living at home, even the single ones and asked them very politely but firmly 'Please do not come to us!"
no one can be offended by such a statement. because no one can b too careful right now.
I just think they waited so long so now its much harder to say no.


The problem lies with both the parents and their kids. Our parents didn't have to tell us not to come, it was obvious to all of us right away. And theres something wrong with their whole family
dynamics if the parents cant tell their own kids NO about something so major!
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 7:42 pm
If your in-laws want to stop the visits, have him call his doctor and ask if it’s safe. He will then be able to tell them that it’s breaking his heart, but his doctor told him, in no uncertain terms, that the visits must stop.

If he doesn’t want to stop the visits, nothing you can do.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Sun, Apr 26 2020, 8:07 pm
I get you. My husband found out his parents walked to his brother on pesach and this Shabbos went to a minyan. My fil is in his late 70’s with a heart condition and diabetes and he won’t listen. My mil is not the sharpest tool in the shed to be nice and she totally doesn’t get what’s going on. She is going about her day like nothing has changed she goes shopping every day without a mask or gloves and is super mad at us right now because we will not allow her to come visit inside our house.( we told her she can do a drive by and the kids can talk to her through the door with her on the porch.) and we will not go to their house. It’s beyond ridiculous. They know plenty of their peers who have died and they still don’t seem to care, but nothing I can do to stop them.
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